Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the coworker I like reported me to HR for "sexual harassment." All I did was make him lunch every day, give him 'just because' gifts, and compliment him in a non-sexual way. It sure isn't "sexual harassment" when another coworker of ours does the exact same things; in fact, he praises it and acts indifferent to me. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML
Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML
Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML
Today, a random customer at work admonished my coworker for being on her phone. During our lunch break. As he walked away, my coworker muttered, "What the fuck is his problem?" I nodded in agreement. He heard her and saw me nodding. As did our boss. Time to get written up. FML
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML
Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
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Top comments
energizerbunny23 18
Probably jealous of the size...
TheTedster 15
File a complaint against him for being "unreasonably stupid".
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Comments (88)
Blizztastic21 17
You looked him straight in the eyes didn't you?
DeeDeeJay 15
I think he's trying to say that watching you eat it turned him on
jicou 7
does american's people raise in Puritanism? it's a real question not a joke. i'm french and in France, people won't fill a request against you just because you ate a banana even if you 're sexy
Ari1337 15
this isn't the norm, I assure you.
blackonblight 33
America has a weird relationship with sex. It's both taboo and seen as being required to be influencing everything in your life. Things other countries would never think of as sexual are treated here as being ONLY sexual, and deviantly so. Somehow even though Freud has been largely discredited, the American popculture seems to think in strictly Freudian terms while also being told to feel guilty for it.
Witchylady 18
It's cause he wants you and felt insecure that the banana had a better chance to get eaten by you than him.
cutieQP 9
it means some man is sexualizing you eating
adjwejaelwkdc 21
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
theonecasey 27
Everything is sexual in a work place these days
phatdaddy62 23
He wanted you in that "special way."
Crazynocatlady 22
Geez.. Just wait until he sees what you can do with a whole orange.
bobslawnservice 16
Just how much eye contact and licking of lips was there?