Today, I was in an Uber with a friend I hadn't seen in 7 years. I was just catching her up on my daily life when my Uber driver decided to chime into our conversation and kindly inform me that: "[I] should be a stand-up comedian." He literally thought my life was a joke. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got into an Uber, said, “Hey! How’ve you been?” to the driver, thinking he was a friend of mine. The guy suspiciously replied, “Uh, I think we’ve never met,” and we both sat in uncomfortable silence for the rest of the ride. FML
Today, I was getting into a Uber after a long day at work. I opened the door, sat down, and started venting to the driver about my horrible day. Five minutes in, I realized I had climbed into a random stranger’s car. He didn’t even tell me; he just let me complain. FML
Today, I think I found out just how many times I've ordered through UberEats when my delivery guy told me that, "We should stop seeing each other like this!" with a chuckle. FML
Today, as an Uber driver, I try to make small talk with passengers by guessing where they were from based on their accent. I got it completely wrong. This one said, “I grew up two streets from here.” The rest of the ride was silent except for my GPS telling me where to go, which felt appropriate. FML
Today, I got into an Uber, excited for the date I was going to. After about 20 minutes, I had a confused conversation with the driver, because it seemed like we were going to the wrong address. I checked the app, I'd booked a ride to my ex’s place out of habit. FML
Today, I was confronted by a friend, who I didn’t invite to an outing with the rest of our friends because we think she’s annoying. I'd posted a photo and I'd apparently forgot to exclude her from viewing it in the post settings. She’s also my ride to and from school. She told me, “I hope you can afford Uber/Lyft.” FML
Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML
Today, I was feeling down so my husband took me to a comedy show. This comedian saw me, heckled me for a full two minutes, then returned to me a further three times during his act to mock me again, zeroing in on every one of my insecurities until I left crying, feeling worse than ever. FML
Today, as an Uber driver, I thought I’d finally mastered small talk. I complimented a passenger’s perfume, asking what it was. She said it was her mom’s, who'd passed away recently. The silence that followed made me spend the rest of the ride saying ,“Uh-huh” to the GPS like it was a conversation. FML
Today, my Uber driver tried to detour my trip home to take me on a date to Waffle House, even after I showed zero interest and talked about my boyfriend non-stop. FML
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Top comments
weeping_willow 25
It could be the way you speak, and not so much of what exactly you are saying. Some people are just born hilarious and have amazing social skills.
Niharika Anupam 5
Take that as a complement! that it wasn't the story as such.. but your way of saying it that was funny.. I get told the same a lot.. cheers! 😆
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Comments (7)
weeping_willow 25
It could be the way you speak, and not so much of what exactly you are saying. Some people are just born hilarious and have amazing social skills.
RichardPencil 32
Put a lot of puns in his one-star review. "The driver was uber-annoying!" Hot Pockets!
bloopaloop 27
Alabama hot pockets I hope!
RichardPencil 32
Kids, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT look this up on Urban Dictionary. I feel like a lesser person for having this knowledge and your ongoing ignorance of this concept will only be a good thing.
John Raymond Matheney 6
of course you saying that made me wanna look it up more, I should have listened
millsjoshua949 12
Wow. I think you are overreacting big time. I'm sure it was probably the way you were relaying your story. ydi
Jillian Cosby-Kelly 15
your life sucks, but you also deserved it. you were literally in someone elses car, they can hear you. uber or not, you can't be surprised when this happens.
spinspinsugar 12
maybe it's the delivery, not the material?
Niharika Anupam 5
Take that as a complement! that it wasn't the story as such.. but your way of saying it that was funny.. I get told the same a lot.. cheers! 😆
meisiemeisie 8
This is a compliment though?? It's great to be a funny woman, not an insult at all - maybe you should give an open mic night a try, you never know, you may just find a new career.