Today, I told my wife I walked away from a £5000 bet I had a good chance at winning, because I refused to embarrass myself in public. She responded with a Star Trek reference, "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack, rule of acquisition 109." My god, I married a heartless nerd. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife, who I thought was my soulmate, admitted that she only went out on our first date because she'd lost a bet, and she'd thought I was a loser. Even though she kept saying that she really did fall in love with me, I left. My heart is just shattered. I'm not going back. FML
Today, my wife told me I’m not worth the trouble. She’d rather overextend herself for complete strangers than spend any time with me. I should've seen this coming. Even before we got married, her favourite line was, “You already had children with someone else, we’ll never be a family.” I tried for nothing. FML
Today, I shouted at my husband for buying a video game, saying that money wasted on his dumb childish bullshit could be spent on a nice vacation or date night. He quietly packed a bag and left. I'm getting the locks changed. Good riddance. FML
Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with, "When I win the lottery…" FML
Today, I realized I sacrificed all my friends to make sure my marriage was successful, but sometimes when under extreme stress from my wife, I use the B-word and that’s enough for her to want to leave me. However, it’s perfectly fine for her to say "Fuck you" and that I’m a everything but a decent human being. FML
Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game, and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said, "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML
Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML
Today, I went to a casino with $300 to spend and somehow walked out with $21K. When I told my wife, she sighed and moaned about how annoying taxes will be, and how I should have pushed my luck further. The house always wins, even when it loses. FML
Today, my new wife and I got home from our honeymoon, and not an hour later she'd sat me down for a talk, saying, "Now that you're married you've got to act the part and give up this silly nonsense," then banned me from seeing my friends, playing video games, and basically everything else I ever enjoyed. FML
Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Your wife has a good sense of humor. Stay with her and give her your undying fidelity or you just may be doing embarrassing things for money in the future...sir.
DrSamba1 8
She's a keeper!
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Comments (8)
cuz803 46
Your wife has a good sense of humor. Stay with her and give her your undying fidelity or you just may be doing embarrassing things for money in the future...sir.
bleachedraven 14
🖖
ahabsfan 17
Remind her that Ferengi women are never clothed. See if she still wants to go along with it.
BurnInDemonFire 39
She might be down with it. She may have insisted on a Betazoid wedding, too.
Danielle Zion Gadsden 15
Did you miss the part at the end of DS9 when they were given all rights and started out earning the men?
DrSamba1 8
"It's true. You work with your females, arm them, and force them to wear clothing. Sickening!" 🤣
DrSamba1 8
She's a keeper!
Chazzster 32
You do realize that “a good chance of winning” also means a “good chance of losing”? It’s one thing to make small bets that you can easily afford to lose - It’s a sickness to make large bets you cannot afford to lose. You are fortunate your wife took your revelation with humor.
OnReceivingEnd 18
She married a man with no courage nor sense of adventure. She got the short end of the stick.
SirEnigM0nk 22
Discretion is the better part of valor. Though you may have had a good chance of winning, you could have lost. You're not out £5000 so well done!