Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our local supermarket. Ten feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants' legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new supermarket, maybe a new town. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML
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Top comments
amaranthphantom 0
I love the way you wrote that OP!! (first?)
Avenging_Angel 0
Oh God I remember when I had really bad diarrhea at Books A Million... Luckily it didn't reach past my underwear when I finally got to the bathroom. Note to people in charge of bathrooms: it is NOT cool when you have to ask for keys to bathrooms. When I gotta go, I GOTTA GO.
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Comments (85)
cyberpimp 4
Why the **** would you run IN to the supermarket
jjcooper 0
wow
do11eh 0
If it makes you feel any better my husband and I couldn't get through this without bursting into laughter after each sentence Xp Liquid P00000000000000000000! X_x
betamaxjim92 0
shit happens, and that is one of those "wrong place at the wrong time" moments..i feel so sorry for you man
chickchick_fml 0
Does it help to know that your shitty is amusing all of us? I just can't stop laughing!
flying_vegan 0
Or wear a sandwich bored that reads: "Many of you may have seen my identical twin brother Irving. He's that guy that pooped in the market? Yeah, now you remember him. Anywho, he left town, so maybe we should all stop mentioning the pooping. Anyone see the game last night? There, let's talk about that instead."
opinionator 0
Adult diapers are in aisle 8, honey.
1234five 0
What is with all these explosive diarrea stories? Is that like the new trend or something?!
dannidelion226 0
you never knew explosive diarreah was real?
dylanh 0
"who put shit in my pants?!"