Today, I texted my friend to ask if she wanted to grab lunch. She didn't respond, so I followed up with, "You alive? Or just avoiding me?" An hour later, I realized I'd texted my boss. He replied with a very professional, "I’m alive, thank you for asking. Lunch is a bit early for me today." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sent a Slack message intended for my coworker/friend to my boss. The message included plans to "get through the workday without actually working." My boss perked his head up at the other end of the office before I had time to realise what I'd done, and asked if we needed to talk about my future in the company. FML
Today, my boss phoned me and asked me why I wasn't at work. I was in the staff room. I'd said hello to her as I came in the door. FML
Today, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize that said, "I miss you." Assuming it was my mom and her new phone, I replied, "Miss you too, love you!" Turns out it was my new boss, checking to see if I’d be able to work an extra shift. Even though it was her text that was badly worded, I'm now known as the person who declared her love to the boss. FML
Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML
Today, after having been off due to the holidays, I awoke to several missed calls and texts from my supervisor asking where I was. Fearing losing my job, I drove the entire 2-hour commute thinking I’d missed a day. I hadn't; he was just trying to get my weekly reports early. FML
Today, at work while everyone else was at lunch, my boss's sister-in-law called. Realizing I was manning the phones alone, she immediately asked, "Oh, is everyone of importance gone to lunch?" FML
Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday." He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML
Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I came into work tomorrow. FML
Today, my boss let me know that I'm being laid off, via a text message that ended in "lmao". FML
Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML
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