The Top

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One big happy family

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said, "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 799

You deserved it 4 582

Bye bye baby

By OhCanada - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 394

Party time!

By revalc - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink, and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11, but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 711

You deserved it 52 267

Ouchies

By bucktooth - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, while enjoying breakfast, my teeth took a chunk out of my cheek. This happens regularly, even when I'm talking. Both my doctor and dentist have no idea why, and I'm in utter agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 742

You deserved it 2 717

Red tape

By BLAH - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Philippines

Today, after finally returning to my house after over a year overseas, I found that my neighbours built a wall covering the only window in my bedroom. Not only is my room eternally musty and pitch black, but the council won't accept my complaint, because apparently my window was illegally built. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 962

You deserved it 2 431

Dissed

By Nick - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Philippines

Today, I laughed at a joke and it literally took me a minute to realize that it was me they were making fun of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 699

You deserved it 21 788

First and last date

By hairless by death - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 655

You deserved it 4 286

Can't stop, won't stop

By Matt8 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 840

You deserved it 2 169

Deluxe Memory Man

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty, and asked for her number. She replied, "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 241

You deserved it 124 991

Life in the fast line

By tracey - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going 85 mph in a 60 mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch, even though the other cars were topping 100 mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 379

You deserved it 17 968

Language of love

By TheGirl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 763

You deserved it 4 006

Resting bitch face

By Emily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to explain to this really intimidating girl that I wasn't giving her a dirty look, and that it was just my face at rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 664

You deserved it 3 066

Don't make me choose

By Anonymous - 16/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I finally cracked and told my boyfriend that if he didn't sign full custody of his evil, manipulative 3 year-old daughter to her mother, then I would leave. He picked me up and literally threw me outside his apartment, slamming the door in my face when I tried to run back inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 1 337

Awkwaaaaard

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 011

You deserved it 2 761

Let me down gently

By Anonymous - 30/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Corona

Today, you know how people say, “The worst thing she can say is ‘No’” when asking a girl out? I found out the hard way that that's a bold faced lie. I asked and she said, “Yeah, I’d rather use a freshly cut jalapeño as a tampon!” then burst into hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 67

No thanks

By Anonymous - 27/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, I asked my friend if he’d ever consider going vegan, like me. His response was, and I quote, “Ew, no, I’d rather get shot! How dare you even ask?” A simple “No thanks, I’m not interested” would’ve done just fine, bro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 525

Keeping up appearances

By clarakipper - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 844

You deserved it 2 792

Turn the other cheek

By Anonymous - 25/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my dad got married to a woman who's an atheist and makes fun of me for being a devout Christian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 450

Foot in mouth

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my grandpa died. I called my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit, "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 170

You deserved it 26 114

To make an omelette

By EggyBum - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was putting groceries into my car, and I put the eggs on the driver's seat while I arranged my other bags. I was frustrated because the dome light was acting up, which drives me crazy. Once I got everything in, I crankily plopped into the car. I had never moved the eggs off my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 253

You deserved it 30 943

Goo

By Anonymous - 23/07/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date and ended up back at her place. She gave me head in the front hall before we started moving to her bedroom. That’s when her dad, asleep on the sofa, woke up. She had no idea why he was there but she still had my stuff dripping down her chin, and he definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 102

One hell of a hangover

By Ouchiewowow - 11/07/2026 15:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 1 010

Use your head

By Jocelyn - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 726

You deserved it 31 087

Pied piper

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 09/07/2026 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the school called and their first words were, "We only took our eyes off her for a second." It's worse than you can imagine. My daughter had been digging a hole under the fence at the back of the schoolyard all week. She lead a breakout of her kindergarten class under the fence and down a commuter railway track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 66

Jump scare

By notahero - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Brentwood

Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 630

You deserved it 2 672

Higher standard

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my mother described what her ideal daughter-in-law should be like. Halfway through her description, fishing for some compliments, I told her that such a girl would be way above my league. She sighed and emphatically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 858

You deserved it 9 849

Freaky family

By Anonymous - 18/07/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I missed my daughter’s engagement because her cousin has a crush on her and was planning to ruin it. So while my daughter was agreeing to get married, my sister and I were in the car park with the jealous little shit in a headlock, whilst screaming that he loved her and that it’s not fair. He’s 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 68

Bad idea

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it, she picked it up, put it down, and said "No". Then she started to eat her dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 244

You deserved it 5 560

Desperate times

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, desperate for work, I went into a shop and asked the owner if he had any spare jobs to fill. He looked me up and down and sneered, "Yes, but not for people like... you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 090

You deserved it 3 122

What are you doing?

By soldier - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 866

You deserved it 10 746

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking about?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 225

You deserved it 31 282

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 725

You deserved it 4 616

Today, the man of my dreams who I met online and have been exchanging messages with day and night for weeks asked the dreaded question: “Can you send me a full body pic?” It’s been 5 years since I had a guy hit me up. I weigh 300 lbs and look like a potato with legs. I don’t wanna lose him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 1 123

Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 322

Today, I overheard my brother telling my son and his male cousins, who all think he's a cool uncle, that, "Only women can sneeze and fart at the same time." I decided to intervene, and gave him a scolding of a lifetime in front of them. Let's just say, I had to sneeze while in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 460

Today, I discovered the office coffee machine had been replaced with a complex espresso maker. I'm so introverted that instead of asking for help, I spent the day googling how to operate it, all to end up with a cup of lukewarm frothed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 509