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They're not really my cats, I inherited them from my mother who spoiled them rotten. I'm more of a dog person. Well, I've got three big dogs so that's kinda obvious

By Sofi - 21/08/2018 06:00

Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 248

You deserved it 3 017

By Poolfool - 03/10/2018 13:30

Today, I went to play pool with a couple of friends. I'm not very good at this game. My friend beat me fair and square. Twice. He's blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 748

You deserved it 653

Wet dream

By Annettedarling - 21/04/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog acted out a scene from Disney with me, by causing me and a member of the opposite sex to fall into a river after tangling our legs with the lead. No, it didn't lead to marriage, just me being yelled at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 015

You deserved it 541

Zigazig Ah

By Anonymous - 17/12/2017 01:30

Today, I walked in on my fiancé while he was masturbating to the Spice Girls movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 404

You deserved it 816

By Rebecca2135 - 01/10/2018 22:05

Today, I gave a speech at a charity fundraiser. I didn't realize how close I was standing to the fan, which automatically went on. As soon as I said, "this is why you should pledge," my dress flew up. I then learned how quickly phones can take pictures and emails of my underwear can be sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 571

You deserved it 357

Grossed out

By anne - 07/01/2016 12:00 - Germany

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 267

You deserved it 4 825

Let him have his innocence

By sydcaller618 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Richmond

Today, my six-year-old son told me how it was funny that there's "a food chicken and an animal chicken". That's going to be a fun one to explain to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 377

You deserved it 2 660

Cheeky

By RB84 - 22/04/2017 02:00

Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 959

You deserved it 672

By unemployedliar - 23/05/2017 02:09 - United States - Aurora

Today, I applied for a job and got called in for an interview. I lied on my resume stating that I speak Japanese fluently. Turns out, my potential employer is half-Japanese and wants to conduct the interview entirely in Japanese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 13 923

jmk10 tells us more.

jmk10 1

Monday 22 May 2017 20:57

Op here, wow I didn't know this would actually get published. Yeah I know I shouldn't have lied but I should probably mention that I do know some Japanese (more conversational than fluent, probably enough to be able to assist a customer). I figured it would be okay. Lesson learned. As you can probably figure out, I didn't get the job though.

By Crawlinginmymemes - 02/10/2016 18:46 - United States - Danvers

Today, I accidentally shut the door on someone who was walking behind me. After he opened the door, I turned, looked him sincerely in the eye and said, "Suffering". I meant to say sorry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 991

You deserved it 2 015