The Top

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Use the force wisely

By beckzx58 - 06/08/2009 23:16 - United States

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 387

You deserved it 43 904

By SpanishInFrenchClass - 06/12/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 791

You deserved it 5 446

Bizarre Love Triangle

By awkward - 27/02/2011 12:39 - Finland

Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 846

You deserved it 4 080

Shower sex time?

By mark - 31/12/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 703

You deserved it 40 287

Bored

By Anonymous - 05/12/2022 14:00

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend felt the need to ask me if I could get my ladder and clean the ceiling, because it looked dusty with a spiderweb in the corner. I didn’t realise I was so boring in bed that she had the time to examine the ceiling and plan my chore list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 520

Creative mind

By Dean Heffern - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill." He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 562

You deserved it 4 220

Chance encounter

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 266

You deserved it 3 584

Warm up guy

By Anonymous - 17/06/2020 08:08

Today, it seems that my four previous girlfriends all left me because they found better, more attractive, more wealthy, more interesting men. My entire love life feels like I’m the warm up act for the main event of other dudes getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 287

Narcissus

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 17:00

Today, my friend isn't speaking to me since I came out to her. Not because she's a homophobe, but because she's mortally offended that I didn't confess my love in the process. Seems that everyone who's attracted to women should be attracted to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 123

Quite the catch

By Anonymous - 29/06/2020 05:05

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me with more guys than I can count on one hand. I'm not sure what's worse, realizing this only after she's moved in, realizing two of the guys were my close friends, or realizing I'd given up my dream career for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 272

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 23:39 - United States - South Gate

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 273

You deserved it 3 916

When it rains, it pours.

By BadKarma - 28/08/2018 07:00 - United States - Douglas

Today, my washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner, and laptop all stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 369

You deserved it 169

Juicer

By alcomom - 01/07/2020 02:02

Today, I spent ages prepping, chopping, bagging and freezing lots of fruits and veggies for my mom. I also bought her a juicer and alkaline water to help combat some of her health issues. I walked into the kitchen to see her mixing her juice with vodka and rum instead of the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 281

By WorkWeirdo - 30/03/2016 20:26 - Peru - Lima

Today, my boss finally checked the presentation I have been working on for three weeks. She called me into her office, and told me everything was dreadful, and requested me to start from scratch. It's due in half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 642

You deserved it 1 559

By dajfleasd - 25/07/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a date. I spent extra time getting ready in the shower, making sure I was all shaved. I was shaving my upper lip to make sure I didn't have a mustache. I cut my lip really badly, leaving the most noticable razor cut on my face for my date. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 087

You deserved it 27 729

The 1970s called…

By titsmcgee - 11/02/2015 21:51 - United States - Oak Brook

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 260

You deserved it 7 076

By Username - 09/02/2011 03:27

Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 421

You deserved it 3 131

Wait, what?

By Sally - 24/07/2009 09:04 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 463

You deserved it 4 794

Dangling modifier

By Anonymous - 11/07/2020 23:06

Today, I took my dog out for his walk, only to find out that I had an extra bra hanging vertically out of my pants. Thankfully, the only person who saw me was the maintenance guy, who looked very confused, so I just smiled at him. I had no idea why, I only realized when the wind blew it against my leg and I saw my shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 510

That escalated quickly

By GoulashQueen - 08/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 525

By bob - 05/02/2011 12:02 - United States

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 183

You deserved it 4 225

Fucknut

By pikapikafuckyou! - 19/07/2020 08:01

Today, my overly religious fucknut of a cousin called me, ranting about my daughter trying to corrupt hers. They were chatting on a kids' messenger app when my 5-year-old sent her 7-year-old a Pokémon sticker. Apparently, Pokémon in satanic and we ought to know better. Now she won’t let them talk to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 178

Stuck

By nooo - 05/02/2015 00:00 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I got a wedgie after a workout class. As I was walking, I used my gym bag to discreetly unwedgie it, and then turned around to check that no one was there. The cute guy that I had a crush on last year was right behind me, and by the look on his face, it wasn't discreet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 306

You deserved it 6 195

Harshing our buzz, man

By Anonymous - 16/01/2023 14:00

Today, I was asked to leave a party because apparently I was a buzzkill. It was my party, for my birthday, at my house. All my friends and relatives basically sent me to my room for being too tired to party, so they could get pissed in my front room and pillage my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 211

By DisgustinglyFrustrated - 10/10/2013 15:40 - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 282

You deserved it 18 038

By brittrod - 05/12/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 069

You deserved it 3 392

Sharing is caring

By Carla J. - 19/12/2008 05:41 - France

Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 711

You deserved it 2 874

By anonymous - 29/01/2011 12:41 - Australia

Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 854

You deserved it 8 983

Nice try

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 21:00 - Australia

Today, I've had a crush on a guy for a while - a friend of mine knows this. I finally decided to find out once and for all if there was any chance with him, so I drove to his house, armed with a home cooked meal and wine, only to find the very friend I confided in was at his house. It turns out they are now an item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 183

Why dude?

By yessir - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend rear ended a cop car because he was texting me. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 621

You deserved it 28 648

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I intended to get home early. Instead, I got too drunk, threw up, fell asleep on the train, and had to pay a $120 for a taxi fare. Happy 30th birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 1 490

Today, I had to go to work on my day off to suspend someone. Afterwards, I got a call saying I can't suspend the person in question because the supervisor who told me to suspend them was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 439

You deserved it 678

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 294

You deserved it 1 663

Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 469

You deserved it 6 739

Today, my soon-to-be-ex saw me cleaning my creases with a wash rag, even though I’d showered earlier. To him that’s proof that I'd fucked someone else and was wiping away the evidence. To me it’s proof that I need touch ups throughout the day so I don’t stink. I sweat profusely and it’s over 90°F. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 182

Today, the guy conducting an experiment in the lab with me is about to quit. He keeps loudly announcing every time he does something for the last time. "This is the LAST TIME I'm gonna mix reagents!" I'm about to shove this clown into the vacuum oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 109