The Top

Okay, I wanted to clarify a few things for some people. During this event, I was in the living room she was in her bedroom. She was actually laying down for bed; this was close to 10:00AM she was supposed to be already sleeping. So I thought she was already asleep. As for the bucket in the potty chair, my wife decided since my daughter is a big girl we would place it in her room, so if she needed to go at night she could. A bad decision on our part I assure you. She removed the bucket herself before the post occurred. Again she was lying down and suppose to be asleep, I did not know she did this either. Needless to say the potty chair is no longer in their room.

By baconandkittens - 26/02/2012 03:13 - United States

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 574

You deserved it 5 793

Just love!

By Anonymous - 23/01/2020 18:00

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 114

You deserved it 545

Shit yourself time

By Seth - 04/07/2021 22:01

Today, on my way to a job interview, I saw a dog running down the road so I stopped to pet it. It was a wolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 565

By nothowtheydoitinalabama - 22/02/2012 03:43 - United States

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 596

You deserved it 3 722

By Cheese4men - 14/05/2010 23:28 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 66

Just a term of endearment

By Joe - 25/02/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted, "I'm going to kill you and use your head as a hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 025

You deserved it 45 751

By Lauren324 - 26/01/2013 07:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend about my upcoming mouth surgery. He freaked out. Not because he's worried about me, but because I told him I will not be able to give him head for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 303

You deserved it 7 970

Lauren324 tells us more.

Lauren324 18

Sunday 27 January 2013 4:46

Actually I've been with him for 3 years now... It's a mutual thing with us, we both pleasure each other like that equally, I think that's why he was bummed out. Usually it's everyday with us....

By starbird - 23/02/2009 19:40 - United States

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 129

You deserved it 10 641

Don't drink and letch

By GonnaGetFired - 31/03/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 643

You deserved it 40 422

By j0hn - 23/02/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She told me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 029

You deserved it 17 541

Stay safe

By Sicky sick - 20/07/2021 00:01

Today, I'm in quarantine after testing positive for Covid. Two weeks after starting a new job. Two months after receiving the vaccine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 213

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 405

You deserved it 3 346

Cash grab

By Anonymous - 13/01/2013 05:27 - Canada

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 324

You deserved it 5 070

Communication breakdown

By xX_nsn_Xx - 03/02/2012 14:47 - United States

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 666

You deserved it 10 035

By eyes wide SHIT - 28/12/2013 01:37 - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 043

You deserved it 5 965

Turbulence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Spring Hope

Today, I am sitting next to a guy who very clearly has lice crawling on his head. It's a six hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 018

You deserved it 3 161

The bobs and vagene guy

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 04:01 - Australia

Today, ever since I let my boyfriend touch my boobs, he thinks it's appropriate to grope me whenever he feels like it. Even talking to him about it doesn't seem to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 230

Mismatched

By AlexSnower - 12/04/2020 02:00

Today, I'm trying to get over my OCD by wearing 2 different shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 448

Try it, you never know…

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 10:34 - United States - Sanford

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 369

You deserved it 7 078

Stuck in a rut

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 20:00

Today, I realised my wife has been slowly phasing out most elements of our previously active and inventive sex life. These days, it's missionary once a month or she tells me to whack one off by myself in the bathroom. When did we get so boring? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 344

Cliché for real

By fuckinghicks - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 342

You deserved it 17 730

Priceless

By Anonymous - 04/11/2022 05:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got back from my honeymoon. Return flights from Australia to New Zealand? $1,800. A week’s accomodation in another country? $1,500. Busting my new husband finger banging a barmaid by the public pool? Fucking priceless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 118

You deserved it 206

He's got game

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I caught my son sneaking a woman out of his room at 5 a.m. After she was gone, I started with the questions, one of which was, “Well, what’s her name?” His response was, “No idea, I only met her last week.” I’ve raised one of “those guys.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 223

Caught in the act

By darkrebel01 - 21/04/2020 02:00

Today, I found out how fast my dad's reaction speed is. I was coming downstairs and sat next to my dad on the couch to show him something I did in a class. He was on an adult website and didn't notice I was coming into the room until I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 242

Spooky

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 17:00

Today, I work as a RGN in an old victorian-style nursing home. Due to Covid-19, we've lost many residents, one passing just the night prior while I was with him. This morning, the TV turned on its own at nearly 4 a.m. in the lounge, and one of the HCAs reported stuff falling off in the corridor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 174

By TrophyGirlfriend - 17/08/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 919

You deserved it 3 216

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 901

You deserved it 298

Today, the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor - his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 574

You deserved it 230

Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 271

You deserved it 3 942

Today, I was sitting in my old rusty truck in an empty parking lot, when some old lady parks beside me and opens her door, hitting my truck. Having a used up truck, I didn't mind. But you could tell that it made her mad, when she came back with the manager demanding that I pay for her paint job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 860

You deserved it 625

Today, I was yelled at by my mom because I didn't hear her. I'm only 16, but I swear, to some extent, I'm losing my hearing, I don't even know what from. I've told her this, but she can't hear out of one ear, so of course it wouldn't feel real. I do feel bad about it, but I haven't heard her every time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 83

Today, I'm considering faking my death in order to get out of my relationship. My girlfriend got in a car accident that left her disfigured, and I no longer find her attractive. I met someone at work who's a better fit for me. I know I'm probably an asswipe, but is it wrong to want a partner whom I'm attracted to? FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 952