The Top

Well this was my post..to clear things up, we had been dating three years, what we agreed would be exclusive. She met her best guy friend about two years into our relationship and started "dating him too" about four months ago.

Benched

By fmlprobot - 04/06/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 428

You deserved it 4 684

By anonymous - 01/12/2010 08:30 - United States

Today, my cute coworker begged me to cover his shift tomorrow, and told me that he wanted to take me to dinner to make up for it. I was very excited because I've been crushing on him for a long time. I later overheard him tell his friend that he didn't plan on showing up for our dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 829

You deserved it 3 745

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 454

You deserved it 12 392

Thanks, auntie

By itwasmyfavoriteshirt - 16/08/2012 19:28 - United States - Bentonville

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 186

You deserved it 3 716

By letstradefamilies - 21/12/2015 21:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 401

You deserved it 1 846

By ThanksMom - 02/06/2009 12:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, my boyfriend proposed and the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation and a large scowl, "If you say yes, I'm leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 222

You deserved it 4 362

ThanksMom tells us more.

ThanksMom 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 20:26

Hi, FMLer here. The reason my mother said that was because she wanted me to get back together with my first boyfriend, though I've been with my new fiance for 5 years. She never got over me leaving my first and never accepted anyone after. And as you might have noticed in my previous paragraph- I said yes! (And by the way, my father told my mother if she leaves, he'd stay and wouldnt give her the car keys. ;) )

Rubbing it in

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because he "didn't believe in marriage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 895

You deserved it 4 872

By awesomekidsmum - 18/09/2011 01:20 - Canada

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 792

You deserved it 9 143

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 352

You deserved it 14 547

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 231

You deserved it 8 014

By stewardess - 03/10/2014 01:55 - United States

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 049

You deserved it 12 464

By kumbuck3t15 - 29/07/2012 20:20 - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I decided I need to get a life. I reached this epiphany when I failed to take notice of my friend calling me, until he started calling out my Xbox gamertag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 535

You deserved it 25 917

Draining

By grlzze444 - 16/11/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, my swim coach had me swim a 400 meter freestyle. Feeling a little sick near the end, I lifted my head to breathe, then burped, and threw up violently all in the pool. All my team mates screamed horrified running out of the pool, and now they have to drain it. I was told not to come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 513

You deserved it 4 157

Everybody has a body

By PixiXOXO - 26/07/2012 18:07 - Denmark - Birker?d

Today, I realised just how cripplingly self-conscious I am, when I couldn't even fantasise about having sex with a guy without feeling shy and insecure about my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 744

You deserved it 5 448

What the hell, guys?

By disgruntled - 26/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 042

You deserved it 280

Romance is definitely dead

By bri_sci94 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Madison

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 015

You deserved it 3 815

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 06:24 - United States

Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 570

You deserved it 14 706

By WoofWoof - 07/12/2009 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He went quiet, and I heard barking in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 192

You deserved it 5 021

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

By Rose - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago finally called me back. I was his "one phone call" from prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 745

You deserved it 2 465

Extorsion time

By Cindy - 05/06/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend’s parents saw me making out with my other boyfriend. They’re now asking me to pay them 300€, or they’ll tell him I’m cheating. They know I’m broke and that if we break up I’ll be homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 3 312

By djfail - 01/09/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 867

You deserved it 6 539

Bad trip

By MrGullible - 17/04/2019 00:00

Today, I found out that not only did I pay for my wife to travel overseas to see her brother but to bang some guy half her age as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 443

You deserved it 205

By Nelga - 03/04/2016 04:37 - Islamic Republic of Iran - Gostar

Today, faced with the problem of my children fighting over which one of them was going to sit in the middle in the car’s back seat, I suggested that they take turns. Now, they’re fighting about who got to sit there the longest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 91

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 17:44 - Netherlands - Haarlem

Today, my husband and I broke the news that I'm pregnant. Our 8-year-old son's reactions so far have been crying inconsolably, trying to punch me in the stomach, and swearing that he won't let me give him a brother or sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 063

You deserved it 5 276

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 245

You deserved it 1 646

Today, my 5-year-old got his first loose tooth, which reminded me that loose teeth give me the worst freaking heebie-jeebies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 184

Today, I went to various attractions in Singapore throughout the day. Then, I visited Singapore Night Safari, a zoo with a theme at night. Besides dozing off throughout the train excursion, my night blindness ultimately prevented me from seeing more than 40% of the creatures. The ticket cost me USD$40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 780

Today, I got into my truck after a long day at work, only to notice that a large section of the seats and doors had been destroyed by a feral cat that had somehow gotten trapped inside. I’m still not sure how it got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 80

Today, I had my legitimation case transferred to another county. Why? Because my child's mother has a lawyer. She moved and didn't give her address, so I can't find our son. She literally filed for child support to be vindictive and is alienating me from our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 85

Today, I walked to an interview on my college campus. I got there early. The place was empty. I assumed I wrote the date wrong. Several hours later, a friend who also was interviewed asked me how my interview went. The date, time and location were all right. I don't know how I got lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 040

You deserved it 3 755