The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Kasizzle - 26/02/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 160

You deserved it 42 122

Kasizzle tells us more.

Kasizzle 0

Thursday 26 February 2009 18:20

Well I dont think she will be coming back in, honestly the biggest pants I have ever seen. I am 6 foot and I could pretty much stand in the waist line of the pants. and we had to charge her 5 dollars more. Needless to say the presser was PISSED. I could not say "one item" because the dry cleaners I work at does not charge the same price for every item ( Like a lot do). I did give her a discount though because I felt so bad.

Thoughts and prayers

By Anonymous - 06/09/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the beach. We were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I noticed that a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 414

You deserved it 53 865

By JukeboxValkyrie - 16/02/2012 07:52 - United States

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 540

You deserved it 2 658

JukeboxValkyrie tells us more.

JukeboxValkyrie 19

Friday 17 February 2012 4:46

To everyone who keeps asking "How did they get on your ceiling?" and "Why are they in your house?" Geckos are native to Florida, they can crawl through the tiniest places and the tips of the digits on their limbs are like mini suction cups, giving them the ability to climb most vertical surfaces as well as being upside down. My ceiling is also popcorn style so there was plenty to hold onto. And yes, I'm almost certain one had a foreign accent...though I'm not sure which.

Spreading

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 18:01

Today, I found out that my best friend and I are pregnant. This would be much more exciting if my boyfriend wasn’t the father of both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 178

By Anonymous - 14/04/2011 05:49 - United States

Today, I held a door open for my boyfriend and jokingly said, "Chivalry is dead?" He responded with, "Who's chivalry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 269

You deserved it 7 870

By Username - 17/03/2010 00:46 - France

Today, at a debate tournament based on domestic abuse, my partner yells out, "Has anyone considered that maybe the women DESERVED to be beaten?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 633

You deserved it 6 643

There's insane and then there's this guy

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 08:00

Today, my idiot boss, who says he used to be an EMT, thinks that all safety precautions in the company COVID-19 response memo and everything we’ve heard from the WHO and CDC is bull and removed the gloves from everyone’s truck. We’re a plumbing and drain company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 214

You deserved it 120

Do what you gotta do

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 23:00

Today, my university's dorms closed due to COVID-19 and when I asked my parents if I could stay with them, they said no because, "we're social distancing." They weren't joking, I have nobody else to stay with. I'm now legitimately living in a tent under a bridge until this pandemic ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 712

You deserved it 172

Happy New Leg

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 574

You deserved it 4 526

WTF Mom?

By Random - 31/01/2012 14:41 - United States

Today, I found out my little sister is marrying my ex, and that my mother set them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 863

You deserved it 3 306

By anonymous - 05/01/2013 16:16 - United States

Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 692

You deserved it 44 279

Poor old Kermit

By FrogMyLife - 30/07/2021 14:59 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I've been single for so long, I very nearly had a wet dream about an anthropomorphic frog. A FROG. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 205

By shelby - 30/03/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 506

You deserved it 27 372

By Anonymous - 04/06/2018 20:30

Today, like most days, I spent my lunch break with a sandwich in one hand while typing with the other, trying to keep up with my work load, while my coworker took a nap. We're supposed to be doing the same job, but he refuses to learn most of the software. The boss is fine with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 801

You deserved it 391

By Joseflloyd - 12/05/2016 04:52 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask a girl at my school for her number. As I was typing it into my phone, she pointed out the giant booger firmly attached to my sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 212

You deserved it 2 504

By anonymous - 15/01/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 591

You deserved it 7 684

Drugs are bad

By Mike Capobianco - 22/08/2021 02:01

Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 85

Denial

By Anonymous - 01/12/2013 06:02 - Norway

Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 806

You deserved it 3 923

TMI

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 05:00

Today, I was trying to teach my Aunt and Gran to use Google drive to share and upload pictures, when I scrolled past an image of my… yep. I didn't have a mirror when the pic was taken and I was concerned about a sore. Now they just think I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 575

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 327

You deserved it 6 908

Revealed

By PartyPoop - 28/08/2021 02:00

Today, at my gender reveal party, my daughter threw a huge temper tantrum and knocked over tables and chairs screaming, “Fuck this shit!” when the reveal came out pink. She’s five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 1 266

By Anonymous - 28/07/2018 15:00

Today, I went to the dentist and found out I still have a wisdom tooth. I got all four out last summer… or at least I thought I did. Now I have to go back and get it removed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 352

You deserved it 202

By panda - 03/03/2011 11:20

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 270

You deserved it 6 291

Don't give up

By Brilee Bruxvoort - 31/05/2020 23:00

Today, after finally putting my foot down and trying to kick my husband out for his alcoholism, I got a lecture from his parents about how much of a piece of shit I am for "giving up" on their son. I've been trying to get him to get help for the past three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 627

You deserved it 197

By dorianseiji - 11/03/2015 20:37 - France - Amiens

Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 113

By me - 20/11/2013 15:28 - United States - Bronx

Today, as a part of my autobiography project for school, I needed to have 2 friends and 2 family members each write me a letter. I ended up having to forge 3 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 201

You deserved it 3 844

High hopes

By Anonymous - 28/02/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I'd just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said, "You don't have to lie, some people just aren't cut out for college. There's no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 848

You deserved it 2 960

Marriage benefits

By Anonymous - 10/09/2021 17:00

Today, my husband told me he’s gay, has a boyfriend and will be living with him, but he wants to stay married because it has good tax benefits, plus our joint mortgage, and if he comes out to his father he’ll be cut from the will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 473

You deserved it 5 214

Dat ass

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 11:01

Today, I got a slap because my 8 year-old stepson has such a big mouth, he couldn’t resist pointing out a nearby white woman had a "phat butt" and should "give it back to the black lady she stole it from." I blame his racist old grandad for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 206

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I got asked out for the first time in my life. During a prank call. By a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 929

You deserved it 4 322

Today, my sink seemed to be filling up with dirty water. Concerned, I turned on the garbage disposal and plunged away. With no change in the water levels, I called a plumber. He reached in, pulled out the drain plug, and give me his bill while chuckling to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 094

You deserved it 45 209

Today, my mom and I were escorted out of the KFC because my mom tried to mug and pick a fight with another customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 062

You deserved it 3 980

Today, I paid movers $125 to move a couch into my house that's much too large for the space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 1 063

Today, I found $100 on the ground. My mom is taking $40 because she was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 871

You deserved it 3 505

Today, I was sick from both ends at work. My boss wouldn't let me go home, and told me to borrow a pair of spare pants to change into. I suffered another bout of gastroenteritis and shit someone else's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 890

You deserved it 301