The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

He is worried

By Anonymous - 08/02/2020 01:00

Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 138

You deserved it 260

By ohfuckwaffles - 29/01/2013 05:28 - United States - Bremerton

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 670

You deserved it 23 438

ohfuckwaffles tells us more.

ohfuckwaffles 6

Wednesday 30 January 2013 4:58

OP here. Thanks for the support, everyone - I have told her, and, while she's definitely not into it, at least she doesn't plan to leave me over it. To those of you wondering whether I'm a transvestite, a crossdresser, a transexual, or transgendered - there are waaay too many of these names, and it's confusing. How about I explain it this way: I'm a girl on the inside, and I'm still attracted to girls (a lesbian, perhaps?). I don't mind my body, and I don't mind wearing men's clothes (heck, it's what I grew up with), but I'd like to see what more is out there... I've been hiding it and ignoring it and thinking I'm wrong for a long time, but my control is obviously slipping.

Fart wars

By district12 - 18/02/2012 22:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 969

You deserved it 2 928

That's enough of that

By really?!? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Wendell

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart when it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 388

You deserved it 4 547

Bad boy!

By sore - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Ireland

Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 600

You deserved it 83 758

By Subliminal message - 19/01/2014 23:21 - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 765

You deserved it 8 500

Meat is murder

By meatballz - 16/03/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 473

You deserved it 43 860

Classic

By notacreeper - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was, "Does she know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 864

You deserved it 5 414

By Heatherrolstonn - 29/05/2016 20:13 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I received an email asking for a Skype interview at 11 am sharp. I waited for half an hour. He never even accepted my contact request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 889

You deserved it 944

By LeaveHimAlone - 30/12/2013 04:23 - United States - Elkridge

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 525

You deserved it 3 477

Fair enough

By dumped - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because apparently I don't appreciate how he's different from other guys. I only told him that showering once a month was not normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 144

You deserved it 4 691

By MERRY FUCKMYARSEMASS - 26/12/2013 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my car broke down on the highway, and I had to call for a tow truck. It finally showed up, only to break down too less than a mile later. Cue nearly freezing to death while we waited for help to arrive for the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 078

You deserved it 2 787

Bodyguards

By Anon - 18/12/2013 09:56 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 518

You deserved it 5 257

The Candidate

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 14:00

Today, my sister-in-law announced she would like me to be her surrogate, so that her body doesn't look like a stretched wobbly mess after childbirth. Apparently, I'm a perfect candidate, as "we won't see a difference." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 310

You deserved it 195

Protective

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 18:30 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 950

You deserved it 5 413

Karma

By whatgoesaround - 15/08/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 556

You deserved it 56 438

Good boy

By anonymous - 16/03/2011 02:05

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 205

You deserved it 6 164

The sweet smell of success

By NoPromotionForYou - 07/05/2020 14:00

Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 646

Weird family

By Pinsky - 22/08/2021 00:01

Today, I learned I’m shooting blanks and can’t have children. My wife’s response was that her brother can be our sperm donor. She has no issue with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 111

Play 4′33″ by John Cage

By NonPianoMan - 26/08/2021 16:01

Today, after I'd told this girl I’m seeing that I play piano to impress her, it turns out her father is a pianist and has a grand piano in their house. Tonight, I’m supposed to go to her place to play her my "favorite piece." FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 2 202

Dream baby dream

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 23:00

Today, I woke up to my father sobbing his eyes out in the kitchen. Apparently, I screamed, "DON'T TELL THEM I'M PREGNANT!" in my sleep last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 344

By skinnybitch - 11/12/2012 18:09 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloaded a picture of a huge, hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone, as every time I try, the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 976

You deserved it 6 554

Assholes, assholes everywhere

By badmombadkids - 24/05/2020 02:00

Today, my nephews decided to play with and break the antique hourglass I bought for my mom. It took months to find and cost nearly $500. When I told my sister, she refused to repay me and responded with, "What do you expect, they’re just little boys!" Her "little boys" are 12 and 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 582

You deserved it 199

Kinkshaming

By no way! - 29/08/2021 17:01

Today, my funny, handsome, intelligent, caring, all around awesome boyfriend and I broke up. He introduced me to his fetish and wanted me to participate. His fetish? Dressing, talking, and acting like a baby. He wanted us to both wear diapers and pretend to be babies together. Fuck that noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 882

You deserved it 307

Hypocrite much?

By sonofahypocriticalwhore - 07/12/2012 17:06 - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 642

You deserved it 2 303

Graveyard remix

By Jacky-Boy - 07/08/2009 00:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 609

You deserved it 7 487

Station 19 and a half

By Madisson Tharp - 26/10/2020 11:42

Today, while working on an ambulance, I got a call from my boss saying I’m fired for being sick too often. I cried in front of every patient for the last seven hours of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 488

You deserved it 349

Madisson Tharp tells us more.

Madisson Tharp 7

Monday 26 October 2020 9:48

Hey wow I didn’t know my FML was posted but I was in EMT school so the job I got fired from was a restaurant. I had worked for that company for almost five years and the times I called out I had actual doctors notes so I was a little devastated. But i work in a hospital now and make quadruple what I mass there so no worries now!! And yea, he was an asshole

Incel vibes

By unlucky - 05/08/2009 16:29 - South Africa

Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he didn't want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that, "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country." He then added, "That's exactly why I wouldn't have sex with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 258

You deserved it 65 263

By raz_berri93 - 17/11/2013 05:31 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I tried to storm out of the room during an argument, but walked face-first into our closed sliding glass door. My boyfriend laughed so hard that he had to sit down. Later, we noticed the nose mark I left. He won't let me clean it, because he wants to show it to everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 375

You deserved it 10 798

raz_berri93 tells us more.

raz_berri93 16

Sunday 17 November 2013 19:23

I just wanted to clarify that later he felt bad and asked if I was fine, which I was. I also laughed at my clumsiness... I was even the one to close that door! Oops. I cleaned the mark (which he hasn't come home to see yet) and there is no violence... It's a funny story within our families now since I'm actually well known to be clumsy!