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By L0L59 - 07/09/2018 14:30

Today, I got my braces checked by another orthodontist since I've had them for years and my teeth never got the way they should be. After 8 years and 27 x-ray exams, my orthodontist didn't do much except loosen the root of the tooth to the point where I can move it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 958

You deserved it 195

Mind melting

By Ashley - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Belmont

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 622

You deserved it 8 222

By waterbottlehit - 02/12/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 409

You deserved it 3 467

By lamb-chop - 02/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 928

You deserved it 2 477

By Lunazel93 - 22/10/2012 04:07 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 476

You deserved it 1 923

Contempt

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 21:59 - United States - Richmond

Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 457

You deserved it 1 595

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 205

You deserved it 4 390

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 22:31 - United States - Malden

Today, my idiot neighbor decided the best way to dispose of the poison ivy in his yard was to pile it all up and burn it. I'm severely allergic. It was so bad that one of my eyes is still swollen half shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 205

You deserved it 1 382

Asshats are everywhere

By hardtotell - 22/01/2010 00:45 - United States

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 950

You deserved it 4 497

By Professional_Ars - 18/10/2018 12:00

Today, my coworker brought chocolate muffins to work for everyone. This would have been really nice if they hadn't tasted like rotten blueberry muffins spray-painted brown. I reflexively gagged after taking a bite and coughed up a brown mush in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 538

You deserved it 238

By fucked5waystofriday - 19/02/2016 19:51 - United States - Angola

Today, my boss told me to resign within the month, or he'll fire me and give me a bad reference. I talked to him about it again later on, this time with my phone recording everything, so I could take the proof to HR. I guess he knew, because he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 698

You deserved it 1 929

Be careful tonight!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - France - Ville-d'avray

Spicy

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 000

You deserved it 2 192

By make america date again - 10/02/2016 17:49 - United States - Blacklick

Today, after months of daily migraines and doctor's visits, I've now been told that my "temporary" hearing loss has nothing to do with my migraines, nor is it temporary at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 698

You deserved it 1 410

Apron strings

By heatherjo - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fiancé told me he wants to buy an engagement ring for his mother, so that she doesn't feel left out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 049

You deserved it 4 002

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 11:28 - United States - Lansing

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner, since we can't see each other this Valentine's Day. Halfway through, my aunt called, telling me my grandma had died. I had to leave because I was crying so much, leaving my girlfriend with a very pricey bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 013

You deserved it 4 467

By subversivepanda - 18/12/2014 12:11 - Guam - Hagatna

Today, I had my midterm finals for AP Literature. My teacher had good news and bad news for us. The bad news? That he lost the file for our original exam and so had to make a harder exam for us. An exam he told us not to study for. The good news? "Jesus Christ suffered and died for our sins." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 387

You deserved it 3 423

subversivepanda tells us more.

subversivepanda 7

Friday 19 December 2014 14:31

Hey guys! OP here! i realized that i forgot a detail. So usually, for our AP Literature exams, we get copies of practice AP exams from previous years (you know, the AP Exams at the end of the year). So for those, you literally CANNOT study. Like, there is no way to study for them since they cover practically anything and everything related to Literature.

Tell, don't show

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 10:07

Spicy

Today, while masturbating, I got a huge migraine so I went into the kitchen to get an Advil. As I was getting it, my family was staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. I walked out and realized that I hadn't put my pants back on. I just walked downstairs fully torqued in front of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 2 712

By cmc9540 - 27/09/2012 02:14 - United States - Selden

Today, I walked in to my apartment to see my husband sitting there with his toes painted pink. When I asked him why, he said, "I wanted to feel pretty." This is the man who is about to be the father of my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 432

You deserved it 9 018

cmc9540 tells us more.

cmc9540 4

Thursday 27 September 2012 13:07

Maybe I am. They did look better than mine

No love lost

By burn in hell - 25/09/2012 21:28 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 045

You deserved it 1 968

Side piece

By sideGirl - 26/09/2020 10:01 - United States - Lancaster

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 290

You deserved it 261

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 02:44 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I received a phone call from my boss, from the other side of the country. It seems the conference I sent him to is actually happening next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 118

You deserved it 7 057

By Anonymous - 06/01/2017 06:54

Today, I inadvertently gave passers by the middle finger as I tried to stop my glasses from sliding off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 178

You deserved it 1 409

By anon - 18/01/2016 18:53

Today, I had RA training and we were doing mock situations. During one of these, I had a seizure. Everyone thought it was fake, until I started violently throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 343

You deserved it 1 456

By NotANaturist - 01/01/2010 14:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from a New Year's party wearing a shower curtain and nothing else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 809

You deserved it 41 922

By really? - 13/08/2013 06:58 - United States

Today, while at a concert, my boyfriend got mad and jealous because I kept looking at the singer instead of him. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 673

You deserved it 6 748

By ringrash - 14/01/2016 06:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I finally went to the doctor's office to have a small patch of acne on my stomach looked at. Since it was in an almost perfect circle and abnormally sensitive, I was worried it could be ringworm or some other sort of skin infection. It turned out to be an infection alright. Herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 045

You deserved it 4 370

By Cody1324 - 04/12/2018 15:30

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years is better friends with my younger sister and when she has free time to go out and do something, she would rather spend it with her than with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 597

You deserved it 409

Freakout

By Anonymous - 06/08/2013 06:19 - United States

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 306

You deserved it 9 826

By owwthatfarts - 27/01/2017 11:53 - United States - Worcester

Today, one of my preschool students hit me in the nuts in front of my whole class. If that wasn't bad enough, the blow to my crotch instantly triggered a very audible fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 065

You deserved it 541

By Anonymous - 09/06/2009 08:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 902

You deserved it 5 753

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Today, my husband spent all day on Skyrim trying out trick archery shots, things like shooting the butterflies, shooting a running rabbit, shooting himself by firing into the air. Meanwhile, I’d been at work, the kitchen was a mess, he didn’t walk the dog, and he missed my Amazon delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 127

Today, I had to drive over an hour away to buy toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 207

Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 083

You deserved it 231

Today, I came home to find my entire action figure collection was gone. My parents told me I am too old for toys, so they opened all of the packages and donated them to Goodwill. I had an original Boba Fett, and my entire collection was worth more than twenty thousand dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 133

You deserved it 405

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 331

Today, I only discovered that a wasp was caught in the crotch of my undies when I put them on. It didn't like being teabagged very much and in retaliation stung the nearest target, my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 114

You deserved it 355