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This one's mine! Kind of weird to see it here. Anyway, the vet did several (pricey) tests to find out why my dog drinks so much and pees everywhere. The title pretty much nailed it, he's an asshole.

By mighthavepaidfortwodates - 28/03/2019 22:00

Today, after an amazing date with a girl I like at a restaurant, I realized I foolishly forgot my wallet. When I returned, I spotted my date at another table on a date with a different guy. I also wasn’t able to find my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 173

You deserved it 347

By wellfuckyoutoo - 24/11/2015 17:45 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 771

You deserved it 1 775

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 986

You deserved it 10 674

By anonyme - 28/06/2013 00:13 - France

Today, I’m a trainee who recently arrived in a prestigious company. My boss walked in on me sorting paper clips by size. I’m now in charge of doing the same thing in every office on our floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 134

The faith of acceptance

By Lesbo88 - 28/03/2022 16:00

Today, I sadly had to tell my fiancé of 3 years that I realized I’m a lesbian and not really attracted to men, and therefore I called off the wedding. He decided to retaliate and out me to my very Christian parents, who are unhappy campers right now. “Unhappy” is an understatement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 1 367

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 08:40 - France

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 539

You deserved it 3 996

By Anonymous - 26/06/2013 06:57 - United States - Baxter

Today, I found out my old DVD player is jealous of my Blu-ray player. It fell from the top of my closet and hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 263

You deserved it 7 606

By SayItToMyFace - 11/11/2015 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 058

You deserved it 1 548

By VictoriaLeavitt - 25/06/2013 00:35 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my daughter's obsession with Canada got out way of hand when she was suspended for climbing up the flagpole, in an attempt to replace the flag with a red-and-white maple leaf one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 910

You deserved it 6 680

VictoriaLeavitt tells us more.

VictoriaLeavitt 4

Tuesday 25 June 2013 18:24

OP here. I made an account so I could follow up. For those of you doubting my parenting: in my household, no banshee-like deed goes unpunished. Yes, this was a school suspension, for those unsure, and it was three weeks, which is pretty reasonable. Sadly, this is a continuation jr. high school for kids who've been permanently expelled (I'm surprised no one asked why she's still in school during the summer), where banshee-like behaviors such as this are not rare.