The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By OneGirlsLife - 15/06/2017 12:00 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, it was supposed to be my birthday dinner with two of my friends. They're both now bringing their boyfriends, so I get to be the fifth wheel to my own birthday dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 948

You deserved it 380

Trolled by technology

By Rightswiper - 26/07/2017 05:00 - South Africa

Today, as soon as I put my card into an ATM, the words "Out of Order" popped up and it would not return my card. Since I was at the bank, I got a free replacement. Trying to draw money again the second machine did the same thing and a third card costs more than what I have in my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 616

You deserved it 512

Congratulations

By Anonymous - 27/09/2016 12:28 - Italy - Verona

Today, my fiancé and I had to attend a wedding. Problem is, I suffer from a severe form of social anxiety. Since I was getting too close to a panic attack, he suggested drinking some wine to help me stay calm, and it worked. Up until I got drunk and threw up in the middle of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 433

You deserved it 2 813

By TexasGirl24 - 10/09/2016 12:51 - United States - Houston

Today, I was making a shake at work when the cup fell off the blender. I went to catch it, and instead caught the teeth of the still-spinning mixer. When my hand was still bleeding five minutes later, my supervisor told me to clock out until it stopped. I lost money for getting hurt on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 655

You deserved it 1 227

By Anonymous - 06/09/2016 18:54 - United States

Today, my boss threw a party for everyone in the office who has a birthday in September. Everyone got a cake with their names on it except me. My birthday is today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 118

You deserved it 843

Gamer watch

By kristajoy2001 - 01/09/2019 00:02

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 351

By Mito - 10/09/2017 23:15

Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 628

You deserved it 326

By Anonymous - 10/08/2016 14:10 - Serbia - Pancevo

Today, I was told I'll need a hysterectomy. I'm barely 22. My doctor said "You probably wanted kids, huh? That's gonna be rough!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 934

You deserved it 1 415

By ClairvoyantVamp - 06/07/2016 23:09 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I found out my aunt posted a picture of my butt in a bikini bottom on Facebook. I didn't even know she had taken that picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 836

You deserved it 1 037

By itchtoscratch - 04/07/2016 04:14

Spicy

Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 959

You deserved it 3 114

By Aseemann - 24/01/2018 19:00 - Denmark - Svendborg

Today, I heard something you don't want to hear at the dentist: "I need a bigger drill." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 803

You deserved it 328

By anonymous - 29/06/2016 03:11 - United States - Charlton

Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 080

You deserved it 931

By Cold&Soaked - 03/02/2018 05:00

Today, I set my alarm and got up early to view the Super Blue Blood Moon. I was all wrapped up in a blanket and had a perfect view from my backyard. It’s been a truly amazing experience, made even more exciting by the sprinklers turning on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 852

You deserved it 837

Weird dude

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 05:00

Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature, and that we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay, he made my kids cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 352

Mixed reception

By Ido - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I announced my engagement on social media. I got more people telling me how stupid I was than any actually congratulating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 542

You deserved it 3 276

Thanks for the unsolicited advice!

By fuckingcool - 06/06/2016 04:56

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 677

You deserved it 1 056

The difference

By Robyn_mori - 31/01/2020 05:00 - Canada

Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men's section. Dad said, "You don't want those, they're for men." I asked what the difference was. He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered, "Men have a penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 992

You deserved it 500

By jellybean_94 - 15/08/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 498

You deserved it 7 385

By Guess I'm not getting laid - 03/08/2018 20:30 - United States - Glasgow

Today, as things were finally heating up with a guy I'm interested in, his ex-girlfriend from two months ago called. Guess who's pregnant and guess who's still in a seven-month dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 633

You deserved it 368

By MasterMcrib - 17/04/2016 20:33 - United States - Highland Park

Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny to moon a crowd of old people taking a photo, in a few seconds a couple of them started pointing in my direction... Turns out they were pointing at the car that ran me over shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 830

You deserved it 36 250

Get it on, bang a gong

By can’t sleep - 17/06/2020 17:04

Spicy

Today, and for the fourth time in a week, my 60-year-old neighbors have woken me up by having obnoxiously loud sex. Complete with over the top moaning and the headboard smashing against our shared wall. When I asked them nicely to quiet down, they laughed and called me jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 067

You deserved it 379

By joanikens - 26/03/2016 19:02 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 122

You deserved it 6 151

By Lindora - 12/09/2018 01:30 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I was kicked out of an Ed Sheeran concert because my friend arrived wasted on chardonnay. She didn't care because it was her 17th time seeing him. This was my 1st time seeing him and 1st time being kicked out of a place. I was dead sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 252

You deserved it 272

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 10:55 - Australia

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 477

You deserved it 38 105

By right date wrong guy - 14/10/2018 15:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I met a really sweet cute guy on a dinner date. Too bad he was the waiter instead of my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 981

You deserved it 455

By Chronicus Ironia - 17/10/2018 13:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 101

You deserved it 364

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 04:04 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, after assuring my best friend that his girlfriend would never cheat on him, I came home to my brother having loud sex with my best friend's girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 776

You deserved it 2 645

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 947

You deserved it 22 996

By caittorr - 11/11/2018 22:00 - Canada - Saint-jean-sur-richelieu

Today, we left the cat alone all day for the first time in months, and came back home 11.5 hours later to three enormous puddles of vomit. We then spent $450 at the vet only to find out that our cat is perfectly healthy. He just has separation anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 854

You deserved it 663

By Shy_Shiloh - 21/01/2016 08:58 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, while I was taking a shower, my boyfriend came into the bathroom to ask me a question. When I got out of the shower, I was greeted with a horrifying cutout of Michael Jackson. I fell backwards, shattering the glass shower door. I needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 800

You deserved it 2 027

Shy_Shiloh tells us more.

Shy_Shiloh 8

Thursday 21 January 2016 17:51

In an attempt to stop the 'break up with him' or 'he's an asshole' comments that seem to get posted on every FML involving boyfriends/girlfriends: This was an accident. It was a rather unfortunate one, but an accident nonetheless. It's not like he purposely put me in a dangerous situation like other pranks I've read on here. He was getting me back for a prank I pulled on him a couple of weeks ago. He feels awful about it, but it's not his fault that I lost my balance and fell.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Scams Money Work Weddings Bodyshaming Love Friends My ex Mysterious Miscellaneous AITA Social Media Relatable Capitalism Awkward Food Vegan Books Embarrassing Toys Noise Health Sports Cute Job interview First Dates Animals Cats Pregnancy Birthday

The Top

The Top

Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the noise of a snake moving around on my bed. I screamed so loudly that one of the locals woke up and came to have a look. When I explained, he laughed his ass off and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 98

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 416

You deserved it 1 629

Today, I came home to visit my family after a year at college. Expecting to impress them, I proudly informed them that I now speak fluent Swedish. Imagine my surprise when my mother said, "That's a useless language" and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 357

You deserved it 7 215

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 043

You deserved it 3 135

Today, I managed to break my ankle by running it over with the wheelchair I've used on a daily basis for the last 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 189

Today, I got kicked out of my favorite pub. I yelled at the group behind me for being annoying. They were extremely irritating, singing songs and cheering, but the manager decided to kick me out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 1 502