The Top

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The top of the year

People who live in paper houses…

By Anonymous - 28/12/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband forgot to unload his speargun after his fishing trip. There is now a hole in my ceiling I can see daylight through, and the forecast is for heavy rain tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 104

Let me be

By Dying - 30/12/2024 03:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, after spending two days pampering my sick fiancee and her sick son, they were finally feeling better. I woke up feeling rotten and said I needed to rest. She said, "Okay, but I want to deep clean today. Let's go! Out of bed! Up up!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 91

Hope you have one of those too

By Joe - 02/01/2025 15:00 - Honduras - San Pedro Sula

Today, I posted a Happy New Year status for all my Latino friends and family. Well, I missed that año is different from ano, and I used the wrong letter and thus wished everyone a "Happy New Anus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 476

Fidgeting

By Anonymous - 17/01/2025 09:00 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I was on a first date when my lactose intolerance decided to make an appearance. My date thought I was just “getting comfy” when I kept shifting in my seat. Nope, I was trying not to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 91

Not a wife guy

By Anonymous - 24/01/2025 08:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to a restaurant with my mother, where the waiter complimented my "wife". I'm not 18, and she's over 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 88

No thanks!

By Anonymous - 31/01/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I was at a wedding, and during the bouquet toss, I stood back and let the single ladies have their moment. The bouquet flew straight at me, hit me in the face, and I instinctively grabbed it. Now everyone thinks I’m desperate to get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 119

Parents of the year

By Anonymous - 07/02/2025 14:00

Today, I got to experience the rare pleasure of overhearing my divorcing parents admit that neither of them want full custody of me, or even shared custody, and then planning to guilt one of my grandparents into accepting custody instead. God I hate them both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 101

Carry that weight

By Sally - 16/02/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping on his back for a piggyback ride. He wasn’t expecting it. We both ended up on the floor, and I owe him a new pair of glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 731

Demotion

By Demoted - 25/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I realized my (soon to be ex) boyfriend has been preemptively sending me his Snaps as regular chat photos/videos on Snapchat so our interaction could go down. This way, he can have the girl he’s been cheating on me with become his #1 best friend, thus demoting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 107

Irritation

By Anonymous - 11/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I have family over and even though they can see I'm stepping away to go take a shower, instead of interacting with my child who they supposedly love, they ignore her to the point where she comes crying to the bathroom door. So now I gotta move quicker? FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 194

Craving it

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 16:00 - United States

Today, after discussing all the things our 4 year-old does for attention, I asked my partner what I could do to get some attention from him His response? “You get enough attention from the baby.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 120

Trust

By No, I've never cheated - 20/03/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I found out just how bad my boyfriend's trust issues are, thanks to him being cheated on in the past. He actually had the nerve to ask his 6 year-old son if I had any other men come over while he was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 130

Plumbed out

By Jeff101 - 25/03/2025 20:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I tried to fix a leaking pipe under the sink. I watched a YouTube tutorial and was feeling confident that I could get the job done. Two hours later, half of the kitchen was practically flooded because I forgot to cut the water off, and scrambled to actually find the main valve, then I had to call an emergency plumber, who showed up, laughed, and fixed it in five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 580

Screwed

By lukey101 - 29/03/2025 19:00 - Australia

Today, an arm fell off my only glasses. Problem is I can’t fix it, since I can barely see without actually wearing them. Tomorrow, I’ll be getting around with one-armed glasses until I find someone who isn’t half blind and can tighten a tiny screw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 87

It's the new fad

By Anonymous - 30/03/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to find "GO HOME N***AS" written on my house. After filing a police report, crying with fear, and looking into the fastest way to sell my house, my 14 year-old daughter let it slip that she wrote it to "get popular." FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 177

Speech! Speech!

By Olivia - 03/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Monterey

Today, I had to give a speech at my sister’s wedding. I spent weeks preparing every word. When it was finally my turn, I stood up to the microphone and froze. Instead of something like, "Congratulations, I’m so happy for you both," I mixed up whatever jokes I'd prepared in my brain, and blurted out, “I’m in love with your husband.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 484

Naked truth

By Gerry0 - 05/04/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was getting out of the shower and realized I’d forgotten to lock the bathroom lock. I heard someone coming towards the door and panicked. I hid behind the curtain and tried to stay completely still, but my dad walked in, saw me standing there like a statue, and just said, “Oh, erm, I’ll come back later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 416

Bygone days

By No fun for me then - 08/04/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my wife was telling me about some kinky things she did with a previous boyfriend. Since my sexual adventures were fairly limited compared to hers, I commented that I would like to try that sometime. She said, "Why would we have kinky sex? We're already married." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 92

Sneaky

By Blindsided - 22/04/2025 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years is cheating on me. A friend had brought this to my attention. She was under the impression that we broke up because she’d seen stories of him and another woman. I found out he changed his story settings to hide the specific posts with that other woman from me only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 69

All dolled up

By Sheila - 26/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I ordered a designer jacket online. When it arrived, it was doll-sized. It turns out that I bought a limited edition meant for action figures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 485

Everything computer!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2025 08:00 - Australia

Today, my computer decided to upgrade to Windows 11, moments before I presented to dozens of people. I had to go solely by memory with no notes, graphs, or illustrations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 122

Remember to update your stuff

By Billy - 10/05/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I tried to log in to my bank account but couldn’t remember the password. I clicked "Forgot Password?" and it asked me for the security question: “What is your pet’s name?” I've had several pets since I created the account, and forgot where I had updated it. Now I’m locked out of my bank account, with no idea who I am anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 405

Bummer indeed

By Keerah - 18/05/2025 01:00 - Russia - Kolomna

Today, after being an "expert" in autism for over 40 years (yeah, I'm not a doctor, just autistic) I thought I'd seen it all. Bad relations, failed friendships and job interviews, etc. Now I find out there's such thing as a regress and I might completely lose the ability to talk. On top of that I'm losing my eyesight. Bummer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 113

Nepo baby

By Anonymous - 19/05/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad got promoted and ended up as my boss. I thought I’d finally have a manager I get along with, who could maybe throw a few perks my way. Nope. Dad was very clear that he was going to be a complete bastard to me at work to make absolutely sure no one could accuse him of favouritism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 137

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 21/05/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I’ve had to get the police involved since I’ve been harassed, stalked, berated, and threatened by the wife of the man I was seeing. It doesn’t matter that I have hundreds of texts, DMs, and his dating profile that says he’s a SINGLE dad whose wife died tragically. She’s still coming after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 133

Easy on the Chardonnay

By Anonymous - 11/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I gave a speech at my best friend’s wedding. I wanted to say, “You both look beautiful together.” Instead, nerves took over, and I blurted out, “You both look beautiful naked.” In front of 100 people. And a priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 386

Safe and sound

By Anonymous - 22/06/2025 05:00 - United States - Western Springs

Today, I was expecting new computer parts so I can upgrade my hardware. I was hoping they would get here before I had to leave for work, but they showed up half an hour after my shift started. Now I have $700 worth of computer hardware sitting on my porch for my whole shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 134

All alone

By Anonymous - 04/07/2025 11:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I have no friends because I have severe anxiety and severe social anxiety. I thought I had family but as it turns out, my family is trying to get rid of me by sending me away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 130

Yay!

By Anonymous - 21/07/2025 00:00 - Germany

Today, I got out of work, and just wanted to relax after a stressful day. Instead, I came home to a surprise birthday party that my boyfriend set up. My birthday isn't even until next week, and I secretly hate two of the people he invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 211

I hate these machines

By Mortified - 31/07/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 426

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered, "Nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 197

You deserved it 30 285

It's ok, they've got 9 lives.

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 91

Today, my manager accused me of stealing $20. I didn't do it, but since she said she was going to call the cops, I gave her some of my own money. She still called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 646

You deserved it 5 814

Today, after our housing offer was accepted, I told my parents. The only response was, “That’s a much nicer house than I had when I got married, I hope you can afford furniture.” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 220

You deserved it 277

Today, I finally made the last payment on the beautiful engagement ring I bought and proposed with - two years ago. To my ex-girlfriend, who said no and promptly started sleeping with one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 462

You deserved it 3 197

Today, my crush came up to me at a college party and said "I like you." I tried to be cool and said sarcastically, "Thank you. I like myself too. That was a wonderful prank." He was amazed, and asked me how I knew it was a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 252