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Baaaa!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room… where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 038

You deserved it 75 583

Reflex

By OuchImAMoron - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 547

You deserved it 47 013

Blank canvas

By andromeda80 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 780

You deserved it 2 867

Flying bastards

By ihateseagulls - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 706

You deserved it 4 134

I hate this job

By chubbyreddevil - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 945

You deserved it 2 418

Owned

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - La Marque

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 883

You deserved it 8 053

Great timing

By Marlon - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend at her mom's birthday party, in front of her whole family. They even got it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 025

You deserved it 3 988

I promise…

By Shocked - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 567

You deserved it 5 437

Run, run away

By but i make different stiffies - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Parker

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 109

You deserved it 2 814

Red flag

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying, "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 923

You deserved it 6 002

Spinning out

By PerfectTiming - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 032

You deserved it 4 729

I just work here

By NathanA - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter, and I work at a fish grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 599

You deserved it 2 885

Menace to society

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 306

You deserved it 3 269

Oh no!

By Lily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - San Antonio

Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 176

You deserved it 2 314

Fertile

By Anonymous - 09/09/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I started my senior year of high school and I just learned I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how to tell my parents, considering I had a baby freshman, sophomore, and junior year as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 1 121

Rebel yell

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my mom and stepdad finally grounded my horrible, rebellious sister. The problem is that they grounded me as well in order to "keep me in line and make sure that I don't do what she was doing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 66

Clean break

By Bad thing? - 09/09/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my not-yet-even girlfriend dumped me in front of her family, as they all mocked and laughed at me because of my pointless and ridiculous "quirks". I'd told them that I shower and change into fresh clothes every day. I'd also said do not wipe after I poop, but I wash, soap, rinse, and dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 359

Infinite sadness

By Wife of a baby - 09/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, my husband has been drunk and miserable for days. Not due to a death in the family, or losing a job, or anything normal, no. He has been diagnosed with Alpha-Gal allergies and can no longer eat red meat. He's crying because he "will never taste steak again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 140

Sixth time's the charm

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I mustered up the courage to tell my son that I would not be attending his sixth wedding. He responded by cutting access to my grandson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 95

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my son's blood type was tested for college requirements. He's AB-; I'm B+; His mom/my ex is B+, a genetically impossible combo. He wasn't blood-typed at birth. This explains A LOT of my ex's behavior during our marriage/custody issues since then. There's a secret she wanted hidden. No one knows that I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 51

You OK, hun?

By Anonymous - 11/09/2026 15:00 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, I'm not sure if this even qualifies as a confession, but here goes: I'm weirdly but genuinely disappointed that my celebrity crush used to get naked on screen. Somehow my delulu brain had convinced itself she was a proper lady 24/7, on and off screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 511

Mommy's boy

By Anonymous - 13/09/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, my awful future daughter-in-law went off on me and said that I'm just jealous that she's marrying my son and I'm not. Furious, I told my husband, expecting him to side with me, but all he said was, "Well… are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 425

Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde

By Anonymous - 10/09/2026 00:00 - United States

Today I'm second-guessing getting married because my husband was wonderful to my family, but horribly disrespectful and rude to his own family the whole day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 74

Caught up in karma

By Anonymous - 10/09/2026 15:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, while away at college, I had a flirty relationship with a girl living on the floor below me. It turned physical. Heavy petting, making out, lots of over the clothes stuff. Home on break and visiting my girlfriend at work, there she is, working with her, standing side by side as I walked up! What?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 894

Trust issues

By Anonymous - 09/09/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband secretly DNA-tested all of our kids after they were born. Obviously they're his, but I'm incredibly hurt at his lack of trust and I'm thinking about divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 133

Smell test

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 22:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, during my meeting with manager, I found out that my coworkers think that I stink. I literally shower every day and use deodorant and perfume. Am I doing something wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 73

Overbearing

By bert - 11/09/2026 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I ate fruit for a snack before I left to visit my mom. When I arrived, she accused me of vaping because I smelled like fruit. I'm also 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 47

That's hot

By Anonymous - 12/09/2026 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my girlfriend only became my girlfriend because she was bored of having Tinder sex with dozens of guys and decided having a boyfriend she could cheat on with dozens of guys from Tinder would make the sex hotter and kinkier, like a dirty shameful secret to turn her on more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 52

Past life

By Anonymous - 08/09/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I found an old notebook while clearing our house and started reading the embarrassing things I'd written as a teenager. One page had a detailed list of my future goals, including: “Never become the kind of person who owns 14 identical black shirts.” I was wearing one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 246

Mystery

By Anonymous - 10/09/2026 12:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I just woke up to my boyfriend's Instagram account coming up as 'Instagram User', then found out I don’t have him on Snapchat anymore either. I don’t know what’s happening. You think he ghosted me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 67

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The Top

Random

Today, after laying down to sleep, my boyfriend seemed like he was having trouble trying to say something. After asking what was wrong a couple of times, he said, "I don't want to do this anymore" and got up and left. I had planned on telling him I love him. Saved myself some embarrassment I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 633

You deserved it 960

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 031

You deserved it 5 188

Today, while I was working my shift at the store, my girlfriend appeared and asked to talk to me. Once we were alone, she burst into tears and started sobbing. Turns out someone's dad died in her favorite TV show and she wanted some comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 423

You deserved it 3 457

Today, I must be the only person who has been taking the contraceptive pill for six years without ever needing to use it as a contraceptive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 205

You deserved it 9 302

Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 713

You deserved it 7 824

Today, I was at a friend’s wedding, and when it came time to make a toast, I tried to stand up to make a speech. My suit jacket got caught on the chair, and I ended up falling flat on my back. The speech was drowned out by everyone laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 101