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By StormSeason - 29/10/2012 12:03 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dad watched the news and decided to start preparing for Hurricane Sandy by buying $300 worth of long-life and canned food. We live in Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 871

You deserved it 2 257

By Sundendako - 27/01/2010 10:20 - Australia

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 457

You deserved it 3 559

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 10:55 - Australia

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 474

You deserved it 38 099

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 21:04 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 329

You deserved it 4 489

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's car from another girl telling him she hoped he liked the flowers. These were the same flowers he gave me while I was in the hospital, just after having his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 460

You deserved it 4 482

By btchzloveit - 29/09/2011 12:27 - United States

Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 277

You deserved it 2 420

By loser - 31/07/2012 14:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my guy friends actually hang out with me at my house all the time is because they think my mom is hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 513

You deserved it 2 529

By Nobody - 27/11/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 777

You deserved it 3 289

By cgold - 30/04/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 239

You deserved it 8 846

By effedfosh - 07/04/2009 04:53 - Canada

Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 622

You deserved it 8 836

By lizzie1833 - 17/03/2012 14:16 - United States

Today, I was laying down in bed when my puppy decided to bite my ear. As I started laughing and pulling him off, I noticed one of my $200 earrings got pulled off with it. And now… I wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 831

You deserved it 5 554

By sonnyrosa - 09/02/2013 12:39 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I had to drive to my workplace in blizzard conditions. Now that my 12 hour shift is over, I can't get out of the building, as the snow has blown into large drifts in front of the doors. I have to stay overnight until my next 12 hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 797

You deserved it 2 626

sonnyrosa tells us more.

sonnyrosa 32

Saturday 9 February 2013 18:20

I'm sure there are labor laws that are supposed to prevent stuff like this, but when the roads are closed, and no one can get in (even the buses have stopped running, and a lot of people reply on those to get to work), there's nothing that can be done. I'm stuck here, but I'm getting paid for it... hopefully, this snow crap stops before tomorrow morning, otherwise, I'll be stuck again. It's still coming down like mad :S

By leonuniz - 19/04/2015 16:34 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 550

You deserved it 5 130

By JCruz411 - 21/01/2010 13:10 - France

Today, I talked to my ex on AIM after not speaking to her since we broke up two years ago. The conversation lead up to her asking how I feel about her. So I poured my heart and soul out to her, because I still love her. She immediately logged off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 053

You deserved it 32 838

Drunken mess

By bethany - 03/11/2011 17:36 - Australia

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 712

You deserved it 3 577

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 20:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 499

You deserved it 79 888

By Anonymous - 16/09/2011 17:26 - United States

Today, I was brutally run over by a man in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 713

You deserved it 3 991

Judge Judy

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: + 1. About an hour later, I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: - 200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 972

You deserved it 2 940

Wrong end of the stick

By anonymous - 09/04/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, while teaching my kindergarten class, I had a feeling I was starting my period again. A boy in the class asked me what a period was. Stressing over my own, I briefly told him it's a woman's time of the month when they have mood swings. He was asking about the dot at the end of a sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 590

You deserved it 39 574

By Anonymous - 14/04/2013 13:29 - United States

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 911

You deserved it 4 438

By xo_lezz - 01/03/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201 009

You deserved it 16 708

Is it a plane ?

By Decker - 14/02/2010 01:04 - United States

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with the hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we got out of my car, she started sprinting to get out of the rain. I ran to catch up and slipped on a metal plate, and did a reverse Superman onto my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 084

You deserved it 5 572

By seriously? - 07/09/2011 17:37 - United States

Today, after falling on my way out the door, hitting a bird with my car, and sitting in an hour and a half of traffic, I remembered I had the day off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 204

You deserved it 13 746

LittlexSparrow tells us more.

LittlexSparrow 0

Friday 9 September 2011 4:29

Did it say the bird died? Lol

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 21:50 - Canada

Today, while driving home, I was so lonely I turned on my GPS, even though I knew the way, so it would feel like I had someone to talk to. It made me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 714

You deserved it 6 830

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 07:18 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was accused of stealing when I dropped a $20 bill in front of my boss. His logic: I'm too poor to have a $20 bill and there's no way it was a tip, since our customers are "so stingy". It was a tip and it was going to get me through the rest of the month. He won't give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 599

You deserved it 3 064

By notalovestory - 11/11/2012 22:48 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 104

You deserved it 11 670

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 785

You deserved it 53 714

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 15:31 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 831

You deserved it 2 111

Snacc

By -- - 04/09/2011 16:42 - Canada

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 646

You deserved it 3 067

Fictional main character

By Sadface - 06/12/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, my 15 year-old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 962

You deserved it 14 060

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The Top

Today, I finally measured myself to find a properly fitted bra. I'm AAA, a size which doesn't technically exist. Goodbye self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 598

You deserved it 362

Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I was whistling. I saw a cute girl running and I looked at my phone so it didn't seem too awkward. I was still whistling as she passed by so it sounded like I whistled at her. She ran back to slap me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 966

You deserved it 7 283

Today, I'm currently being stalked/harassed by my narcissistic ex's new baby mama. She's trying to get me fired from my new job for taking her man, when in reality I want nothing to do with him. The fact that she has taken my baby's name and named their daughter it, is freaking me out. She has people find me everywhere I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 156

Today, I tried to put my reclining chair back. My cat and dog were sitting on the very top. It went up in an unexpectedly forceful manner, sending them flying, causing my dog to fall, and my cat to cling for dear life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 361

Today, I'm nearly 30 years-old, and not only am I still a virgin, I've never even had my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 182

Today, I visited my Aunt in hospital. Another patient got jealous, so she threw a tantrum. She threw things at us, pulled her drip out, threw herself to the floor, screamed, pounded the floor with her fists and pissed herself. My aunt is still waiting for a new room, and the staff blame me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 812

You deserved it 782