The Top

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By ScoobieDoo - 20/03/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 427 237

You deserved it 66 956

By emeraldapostle - 25/11/2018 17:30

Today, I had a good day at work. I got all of my stuff done, I got to eat, and I got to clock out on time. It only became a bad day when I was told by my boss that today was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 877

You deserved it 588

Big red flag

By Ultimate ultimatum - 05/09/2024 05:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boyfriend is threatening to dump me if I don’t give him all the details of my menstruation so he can track my periods with an app on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 106

Sugar Daddy

By about2behomelezz - 16/02/2022 00:01

Today, I found an eviction notice at the apartment my boyfriend and I share. I always give him my share of the rent, and he pays it. Or so I thought. He’s been using our rent money to shower his side chick with gifts and expensive dinners. The worst part? The girl is my 18 year-old sister. He’s 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 156

Be hotter

By Amanda Howard - 30/11/2020 02:02

Today, I saw that a girl on Twitter made $1.5 million just from OnlyFans and she's only 19. Meanwhile, I'm 21 and working two jobs just to afford school and pay my bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 189

Social animal

By Well then - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I realised that the only thing that's got fucked since I started university is my sleep cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 299

You deserved it 523

Let cats be cats

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 06:00

Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 2 239

By LovelySB - 21/04/2019 04:00

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 730

Puppies > Kids

By Anonymous - 09/06/2023 10:00

Today, my husband bought me a puppy. When my daughter got home I showed her the puppy, but all she said was, “Eww, I am not cleaning it or walking it.” She’ll make a fantastic mother one day, I’m sure of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 1 025

Wow thanks, I'm cured

By anon - 13/06/2023 03:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that she always feels like shit, and that she's tried "everything" to feel better. Everything except eating regular healthy meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, drinking water, showering, and changing clothes daily, that is. I pointed this out, and she kicked me out in a rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 303

By zuzu - 01/05/2019 14:00

Today, as I was making biscuits my mom joked, "Don't burn the house down." I told her "Don't worry, I know how to make biscuits." The oven caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 663

By Anonymous - 08/04/2017 12:00

Today, I was cleaning the litter box and found a large clump. I later found my 3-year-old peeing there instead of in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 768

You deserved it 610

Justice served

By ToiletPrankster - 15/03/2022 06:00

Today, I thought it would be funny to prank call my job on my day off. I star 69’ed the numbers and prank called my coworkers. However, when I got to my boss, he knew who I was, and threatened to report me to the police. I’d forgotten to star 69. Safe to say, I was fired on my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 3 381

By Spider-Sham - 28/05/2017 16:00

Today, my mom volunteered me to help out at her coworker's 5-year-old son's birthday party. I didn't realize until I got there that "helping out" meant "dressing up as Spider-Man". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 200

You deserved it 380

By DisappointedDaughter - 26/06/2019 16:03

Today, I’m counting the things my mother has broken or ruined since I let her move in with me a year ago. So far, the list contains a Christmas tree, my power drill, a toaster oven, inherited kitchen knives, an expensive bath towel set, multiple kitchen gadgets, a flatbed scanner and a laser printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 281

Trash

By Anonymous - 29/06/2019 03:03

Today, I tried to call my company's HR to report my boss for sexually inappropriate comments towards me. Turns out, the only person I can complain to is the franchise owner, who has been good friends with my boss for over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 164

By hickhick - 07/07/2019 04:00

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 1 744

Your brain on alcohol

By michael - 17/07/2019 12:07

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 2 953

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

By Anonymous - 19/03/2021 02:01

Today, I finally told my mom that it hurts me every time she calls me fat. She got offended that I'm offended. Now our whole entire extended family wants me to say sorry to her and them, because apparently they also call me fat behind my back. I'm a size small by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 128

Bad boy

By WheresTheJustice - 15/06/2022 06:00

Today, my ex-boyfriend tried to poison my dog, all because I cheated on him. I’m getting bitched at for “breaking his heart” and “attempting to get him in trouble.” Nobody cares what he did to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 1 248

Classic nice guy rhetoric

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 00:02

Today, the girl I like would rather meet potential partners online, some in different states, and wonders why nothing works out. Apparently the guy who took her on dates, AKA me, is just friend material. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 833

Overreaction Man

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 23:00

Today, I told my boyfriend I’m pregnant. He told me not to worry, he’d pay child support until it’s 18, and he’d be moved out of our flat by Friday. When I asked him why, he told me not to be stupid, no way was he being trapped into raising a kid. He didn’t even ask if it was a boy or girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 729

Cheap ass

By Anonymous - 15/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when I got a new follow suggestion. I checked her feed, and found out it was my ex-fiancé’s newest fiancée. And he'd proposed to her using an $185 ring I'd bought myself for my birthday last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 179

By DepressedSigh - 27/08/2017 21:45 - Germany

Today, my considerate-to-a-fault boyfriend decided to break up with me because he felt that he made me unhappy. I spent the next 3 hours convincing him that I'm happy with him and just going through a rough patch of depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 790

You deserved it 403

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, my brother spent the whole day making a harpoon out of an old Tiki torch to bring on vacation with us to Sauble Beach, and he plans on using this contraption. On the beach. With all of us there to watch. He's 17 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 284

You deserved it 222

It Wasn't Me, by Shaggy

By itwasntme - 07/09/2019 16:00

Today, we found out my brother in law cheated on my sister. Somehow they’ve blamed me for the whole incident. I don’t know the guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 141

Spooky

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 14:00

Today, my mother continues to copy everything I do. So far, she's switched to seeing my doctor, my therapist, my hairdresser, and even shopping at my preferred supermarket. I've lived independently for ten years, but I'm starting to fear for my safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 117

Friends

By sandyc - 23/05/2021 22:01

Today, I just got my first period. My mother has been dead for years and my stepmother genuinely wishes I was dead, so who am I supposed to tell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 73

High value male

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 10:00

Today, my boyfriend has been fired from Amazon, rejected by the army, deactivated from Uber, and quit his fast food job. He also proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 363

Call the police

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 22:00 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was looking at my pictures and there are none of me and my boyfriend together. The only photographic evidence of our relationship are pictures of bruises he has given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 253

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

So much sass from such a small dog!

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 98

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 872

You deserved it 3 692

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 324

You deserved it 2 226

Today, after being tired of my husband acting like I’m invisible, giving more attention and affection to the dog than to me, and me going to spend a few nights at my sister’s house, he texted me, "You coming home to make dinner or what?" on the second day. It's now day 4 and he hasn’t said anything else since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 334

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 930

You deserved it 14 155

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me in my front yard. As I stormed off in my dramatic exit, I realized I had locked myself outside. I had to ask my now ex-boyfriend to borrow his phone so I could call my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 989

You deserved it 9 539