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Not my sunnies!

By ladyofzanarkand - 20/05/2020 20:00

Today, while out shopping, a middle aged man snatched my sunglasses off my face, threw them off the ground, and stomped on them, saying, "That’s what you get for trying to look cool, asshole!" I suffer from light-induced migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 495

You deserved it 161

It's a marathon, not a sprint

By Anonymous - 27/05/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that the last girl from my graduating high school class is engaged to her boyfriend. I'm now the only guy from high school who's still single and I'm not even 30 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 307

By cousin of the groom - 07/08/2018 01:30

Today, I stood too fast, got dizzy, and fell over. I fell on the grandmother of the bride, pushing her into the wedding cake table. Cake ruined, grandmother in hospital for a broken arm, and everybody mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 888

You deserved it 711

What's the point?

By Emily - 07/06/2020 20:08

Today, whilst doing training as a mental health nurse, our glorified pineapple of a lecturer told us that trying to stop patients wanting to commit suicide isn't a possibility. So, what the hell are we training for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 199

RIP

By MrsFart - 18/08/2018 01:30

Today, I thought I was all alone in the class, so I lifted up my leg and ripped a huge fart. One of my students was still in there. He told everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 625

You deserved it 1 806

Perv'

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 14:00

Today, someone tried to rob my boss's store and I had a knife held to my neck. That’s not the FML. The FML is that, for some reason, it excited me and I got a boner. The thief told me I was all kinds of messed up and left without stealing anything. My god, I’m some kind of freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 242

By Phill1188 - 16/09/2018 03:30

Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the third time." I had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 036

You deserved it 221

Daily grind

By Anonymous - 19/08/2020 08:05

Today, over half of my coworkers have called out for various reasons and my manager is on her third week of vacation. My coworkers keep calling out. I'm the only closer. I just want a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 125

Social distancing

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 05:01

Today, we celebrated our daughter's sixth birthday. Out of the 30 invited, 7 showed up. The last one to cancel this morning told us she was ill. My daughter was in tears as this meant the last remaining playmate couldn't come. My wife later saw her tagged on Facebook at another party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 909

You deserved it 404

Gross and weird

By Porkchop - 14/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 117

By Damn millennials! - 25/10/2018 23:45 - Philippines - Taguig

Today, I was at the mall with my 7-year-old granddaughter. When we entered a clothing store, she pulled me back, saying loudly, "Grandma! This is 'Forever 21'! 'Currently 58' is down that way!" I blame my son for this little troll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 098

You deserved it 342

Not a car person

By Vehophobic - 21/09/2020 07:05 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, my grandfather called me for the first time since lockdown. Just like the last 3 times we spoke, he tried to pressure me into learning to drive, despite my making it clear that it absolutely terrifies me. He won't stop asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 767

The next generation

By Rosemary’s Vlogger - 07/01/2022 20:01

Today, my son announced he wants to be a YouTuber, and wants to make videos of himself doing violent things to pregnant women. He’s 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 372

Alexa, play "Another Day" by Paul McCartney

By Anonymous - 30/12/2021 11:01

Today, it's just another day where my dad sits in the same spot in the kitchen for 12-16 hours, only to very slowly sip on alcohol and nibble on food. If it’s his day off, that’s his excuse. If he got off work, then it’s also his excuse. Twenty odd years of this. How can someone spend their entire life sitting in one spot? FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 189

By skyinthesky - 11/02/2017 07:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I bought a desk for my new apartment. After ignoring the warnings on the box saying it should not be carried alone, I made it all the way to my apartment with the desk. I walked in the door and dropped it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 894

You deserved it 6 272

Conspiracies claim another victim

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 11:02

Today, after learning that "phones are tracking you" and that "Google is spying on you" from some shady website, my son destroyed all our phones and computers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 227

Always call first

By Cat - 02/12/2020 08:06

Today, I went to visit my aunt who lives 6 hours away from me. Her car was missing from her driveway, but she's unemployed and barely leaves the house. Turns out, she moved in with her new boyfriend and didn't tell anyone, so I had to drive 6 hours back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 516

Overreact much?!

By Kohsukeff - 06/12/2020 20:02 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, my dad called me a "worthless human being", and told me that I'm "better off committing crimes and living life in a prison cell", all because I haven't gotten into the industry I studied for right out of college. I'm currently at a temp job doing accounting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 97

Treacherous weather

By Dopamin3 - 20/03/2019 06:00

Today, as I was driving to a conference two hours away, a giant piece of ice fell off a truck and did severe damage to my car's hood and busted the front light. The car was a few months old with around 5000 miles on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 270

You deserved it 157

By Leijabug - 21/04/2019 18:00

Today, my best friend and I decided to dye our hair blue. We didn’t mean to also dye the ceiling, walls, shower, or floor. We DEFINITELY didn’t mean to dye our faces the day before school pictures that cannot be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 3 157

By John - 01/04/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I attended a formal dinner with donors to my university. While looking at a much older lady's nametag to see who she was, I was publicly accused of looking at her breasts. Now a bunch of people I was supposed to impress think I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 080

You deserved it 664

Great prank, dear

By Anonymous - 24/04/2022 00:00

Today, my Xbox blew up. Apparently my wife thought a good prank was to Sellotape the fan holes, because a YouTuber told her it makes Xboxes crash repeatedly. Well, it didn’t crash, it melted some of the casing, caught fire, which also set fire to the bookcase it sits on, the wall, and our 50 inch TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 160

By Craig Thompson - 20/04/2017 21:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I found out that when I drink alcohol, I snore so bad my boyfriend contemplated suffocating me with a pillow to get some sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 113

You deserved it 807

Now we know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 20:25

Today, it appears that I spent three years of my life studying for a degree to find myself driving around looking for potholes. That's literally my job. I didn't even study roading, my civil engineering degree is in designing structures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 271

By You'veHadTwoWeeksToTellMe - 24/04/2017 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one hour before bedtime on the last day of the school holidays, my kids informed me that they need art smocks for school. They have no idea why I'm frustrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 636

You deserved it 363

By shoveless - 20/12/2016 21:08 - United States

Today, I came home from school to find my house ransacked. The robbers shoveled a path from my back door to the driveway, through the snow, then they stole my snow-shovel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 714

You deserved it 570

Play it safe

By Anonymous - 18/04/2022 08:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, my girlfriend of three years dumped me because my refusal to go out drinking or get wasted at parties with her makes me "too boring". Thing is, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm over one year sober and I don't want to risk relapsing again, yet she expects me to choose between my health and her idea of fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 175

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 18:00

Today, some completely out of touch with reality woman told me I didn’t deserve my house I bought with my own money, because it’s a 4 bedroom yet I live alone, so I should give it to her unemployed ass and her 6 hungry children. She wouldn’t leave and stood in my garden fake crying for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 204

You deserved it 208

By Anonymous - 24/05/2017 20:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, at my first day of work at a new job, I got stuck in the elevator going to the parking garage. I have claustrophobia about both elevators and parking garages. They said this never happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 152

You deserved it 402

By Anonymous - 02/07/2019 12:07

Today, I had breakfast at a hotel in Jamaica. The bill came to $1087 Jamaican Dollars, which is roughly $8.30 USD. When they swiped my Visa card, the hotel accidentally charged me $1087 USD. That's the most expensive omelet I've had in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 207

You deserved it 170

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend’s mom just got engaged to her boyfriend and he claimed it was me that inspired him to ask her. My girlfriend hates him, so to say I’m in the doghouse is an understatement, I’m lucky to still be in the garden, never mind the doghouse, and I have no idea what I did to inspire him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 76

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 314

You deserved it 6 721

Today, I discovered I have a cyst on my backside. I can't get it removed until Friday. I have to sit through four midterms this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 531

You deserved it 2 369

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for racism after I refused to hire a black woman. I didn't hire her because she came to the interview wearing what was basically a bikini and she was covered in tattoos depicting lewd sex acts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 492

You deserved it 306

Today, while working as a carhop at Sonic, my roller skates ran over some gravel and I fell, causing me to drop a tray of food. I found out later that one of the customers had deliberately done that to see if I would trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 464

You deserved it 2 812

Today, I found my girlfriend in bed with her gym trainer. They said they were doing cardio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 73