Nearly FMLs

By PingusTheDingus - 15/01/2016 15:24 - United States - Burneyville

Today, I woke up from a nap, and I was getting rather hungry. I walked in to the living room, only to have my 13 year old brother shout "OH SHIT, I didn't know that you were home..." He was jerking off. To pictures of my dad. FML

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By PingusTheDingus - 15/01/2016 15:15 - United States - Burneyville

Today, my family is finally going on a vacation for the first time in 5 years. Everyone gets to go to Disney World for a week. That is, everyone except me. They're leaving me home to feed the fucking dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 14:56 - United States - Panama City Beach

Today I drove 5 hours to take a weekend class. I was a week early, I can't go next week when it's scheduled, and it won't be offered again for another year. FML

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By jjmoraes99 - 15/01/2016 14:41 - Brazil - Ponta Grossa

Today, my father sent me a video of a couple having sex in a rollercoaster. It wasn't by mistake. FML

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By HKKillFeeDz - 15/01/2016 14:37 - United States

Today, I tried pranking my brother by waking him up with an air horn, as I did so, he hit his head on the wall and we had to go to the hospital, waiting 3 hours for a simple "there is nothing we can do." FML

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By tiredofcrazy - 15/01/2016 14:35 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend pulled out and screamed "Eat Tubby Custard, bitch!" And proceeded to cum all over my face. Mood killed. FML

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You deserved it 1

By fail - 15/01/2016 14:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I watched someone interview for the permanent version of my temporary academic job in the office next to mine. She is my age and has exactly the same research interests. Then, a reception was held for her IN MY CLASSROOM right after my class finished. FML

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By TheRingingBacon - 15/01/2016 14:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with a girl when I shouted , "Who's your daddy!" Too late I remembered she was adopted. FML.

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By Unknown - 15/01/2016 14:29 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, during a meeting at work, I was forced to watch my car get broken through the office window. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 13:52 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, after a hard 12 hour shift at work. My manager tells me to head off home early, because of the great job I have been doing recently. I decide to surprise my girlfriend of 5 years and get her some flowers. I get home to find her with another guy in my own bed. FML

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By DeafByPimple16 - 15/01/2016 13:51 - United States - Issaquah

Today, I was cleaning my ears with a cotton swab and when I went to put the swab into my right ear, I felt some extreme pain. I found a giant pimple on the inside of my ear. It has swollen up so bad that it's blocking my hearing, and I can't get my fingers in my ear far enough to pop it. FML.

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By RiddleMePancake - 15/01/2016 13:39 - United States - Meridian

Years ago my long time girlfriend had cried in my arms because the guy she was cheating on me with had been transferred from the local military base to Saudi Arabia. I forgave her and moved on until yesterday she cried in my arms because she found out he, "cheated on her while he was there" FML.

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By dfbotha83 - 15/01/2016 13:39 - South Africa - Durban

Today, my fiance after being together for eight years told me she does not want to get married. the date is set for next week friday. FML

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By NoMags - 15/01/2016 13:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my cashier job, I had to clean a pile of shit off the bathroom floor. It was about a cubic foot, and the bottom had dried to the bathroom floor, so it took me a while to scrub it clean. By the time I got back to my register, I got written off by my boss for not cleaning fast enough. FML

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By Infectious - 15/01/2016 12:54

Today, an ear infection in my right ear that I've had for two weeks finally went away, relieving my of the agonizing pain. Not an hour later, I now have an infection in my left ear. FML

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By FUBAR_88 - 15/01/2016 12:14 - Australia

Today, it's my birthday. My brother informs me he hasn't bought me a present because evidently his drugs, booze and cigarettes take precedence and are more important than me. FML

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By thedissapointingson - 15/01/2016 12:12 - Australia - Darra

Today, I got back early from work to find my girlfriend home early as well which was a pleasant surprise until I found out that my dad also popped in to to say hello, to my girlfriend, naked. FML

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By thisissomegameofthronesshit - 15/01/2016 12:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I caught my boyfriend having sex with his cousin. After they tried to deny it, they then asked if I would like to join in for a threesome.FML

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 11:55 - Australia

Today, I found out that the girl I had been seeing for a few months, two days after introducing me to her entire family, thought sleeping with another guy two days later was completely fine and that I'm in the wrong for being angry at her for it, FML

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By red face embarrassed - 15/01/2016 11:41 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to try anal for the first time. Not knowing some of the consequences, when he pulled out there were feces on him. I have never been so distraught and embarrassed before. FML

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By sallyJane - 15/01/2016 11:20 - United States

Today I was flying across the states to surprise my dad who thinks he is only picking up my mother and brother. I went to Starbucks and didn't know what my mother and brother wanted so I texted our family group chat... My dad is in it... FML

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By JusstJef - 15/01/2016 11:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I put on my work uniform and the button of my pants was missing. It was a brand new pair of pants, a replacement from Cintas for a different pair of pants that I had turned in because the zipper had broken. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 10:59 - Australia - Northmead

Today, was a special day so I had a bit of alone time. I shot cum onto my own face. Happy birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 10:47 - Australia - Melbourne

Today my eczema has gotten so out of control I've had to put nappy cream on my vagina and a band aid on my nipple. Fml

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By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 10:46 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came home from a week-long vacation to find my guinea pig dead. My sister, who was supposed to take care of her, told me she couldn't find the food. The full bag of food I had bought was still sitting under the cage. She had been too lazy to open it. FNL

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By qweenoflames - 15/01/2016 09:36 - United States

Today, my paycheck was direct deposited into account at 12am. I paid my bills and was broke again by 12:05am. Fml.

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By Pedro the Basuraman - 15/01/2016 08:15 - United States - New York

Today, for the first time ever in nearly 20 years of service, I got robbed at gun point at work. The robber didn't take anything from me. He said he got what he wants then made a hasty retreat. To this moment, I still don't get it. What kind of screwball would hijack a garbage truck? FML

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By ohgoodlordjen - 15/01/2016 08:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to find somthing at the foot of my bed shaking and making a horrible gargling sound. Still groggy and more then a little frightened I reacted to the sound without thinking. It turned out to be my small dog, he was having a seizure and I punted him off the bed. fml.

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By kaegomay12 - 15/01/2016 08:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I realised the guy I've been sleeping with is my roommates' boyfriend. FML

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By start panicing - 15/01/2016 08:03 - United States - New York

Today, I unintentionally witnessed my son in his underwear, listening to Unchained Melody while slow dancing his sister's extra large Pinkie Pie doll, as tears run down his face. He doesn't respond to anyone, keeps to himself and been apathetic on everything for the well over a month now. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I've recently gained weight so I bought an exercise video. I started it right away in my room on the top floor. My younger sister screamed and ran outside a few minutes later. She thought it was an earthquake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 395

You deserved it 10 175

Today, I was walking in the shoes I'm going to wear for a wedding and fell, spraining my ankle. I'm the Matron of Honor and I can barely walk. The wedding is in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 099

You deserved it 4 363

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 179

You deserved it 23 624

Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 212

You deserved it 1 009

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friend's stomach. It was my Principal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 547

You deserved it 17 413

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 265

You deserved it 3 910