Nearly FMLs

By Dirtymouth. - 28/01/2016 16:46 - United States - Atlanta

Today, My sister switched out my tooth brush with the same color tooth brush which we use to scrub things like the toilet etc... And didn't tell me until my friend said my breath smelled like shit and Clorox at the same time.FML

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By firetail910 - 28/01/2016 16:45 - United States

Today, I woke up to seven missed calls, 7 texts and 3 voicemails on my phone and 3 calls and 4 texts on my boyfriends phone. Why? My mom wanted to make sure I would be ready for school. I'm 18 and I graduated last year. Not to mention it's a Saturday. FML.

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By anonymous - 28/01/2016 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today,I was goofing around with my friends in school and then all of a sudden we heard a bang coming from the principal's office. We decided to go check it out. Turns out he was banging another teacher on his desk.scarred.for.life.FML

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By blupariah - 28/01/2016 16:13 - United States - Delhi

Today, I let my old co-worker cut my hair. (We are both hairstylists). I guess she got mad when I said I got a raise at my new job and make more than her now, because my hair looks like shit. FML.

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By sabrinaacrow - 28/01/2016 15:57 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I broke my nose whilst having sex. Yes, I didn't think it was possible either. FML.

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By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 15:54 - United Kingdom - Steyning

Today, I thought it would be a fun idea to sit on the bathroom sink. My mother, however, did not when she saw the shattered remains of the sink. FML

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By somecallmetimm - 28/01/2016 15:34 - United States

Today, I found out that I can't move back into my parents now that I can't afford my rent, because they are letting my cousin stay with them instead. FML.

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By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 14:58 - Canada - Oakville

Today, my anxiety got so bad that I almost had a mental breakdown over which photo I should set as my desktop. FML

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By emotionally.damaged - 28/01/2016 14:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, My boyfriend told me for 5 years he has been lying about being in love with me. He loves my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 14:33 - France - Vasles

Today, whilst getting into bed, I found out that my male cat is sexually active. It would of normal if he hadn't taken care of his business with my pillow. FML.

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By nozVail - 28/01/2016 14:32 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I took a nap during my break at the day care center where I volunteer. I woke up to a bunch of little girls doing my hair with glue. I guess I needed a painful haircut anyway. FML

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By TheAspieDork - 28/01/2016 14:29 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got moved from AP Chemistry to Pre-AP. I knew I was gonna be ahead, since I'd already done a semester of AP. However, I clearly misjudged that; we've been going over first-grade material about the states of matter. The worst part? Several of my classmates knew virtually none of this. FML

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By discus - 28/01/2016 14:27 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was watching TV with my parents. I thought I recognized an actress, so I asked my parents to look her up. Turns out I had seen her before. She was a porn star. FML

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By clip of flash - 28/01/2016 13:45 - United States - New York

Today, I had to get to school really early so I asked my uncle to wake me up by any means necessary, because I could never trust myself in getting up on time. He did by tapping on my face till I woke up, to his face in front of mine, as the Lipstick-Face Demon. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 13:44 - Italy - Rome

Today, I finally bought a new 700€ pc after years and years of using an old-ass (and more broken that anything else) one. Wanting to show it to my sister, I've left it on my desk, obviously already unpacked and all ready to use. Guess where did my cat throw up? Exactly. FML

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By loserman67 - 28/01/2016 13:27 - United States - Allentown

Today I noticed a number of people snickering as I begged my wife to look all over the house for my lost cell phone. I was talking to her on my cell phone at the time. FML

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By hanna6345 - 28/01/2016 12:40 - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my cousin unexpectedly came over to my place, just as my boyfriend was leaving. They hadn't met before and after he was gone, she told me: "Is he really your boyfriend? I couldn't believe it at first because he is so handsome." FML

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By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 12:31 - United Kingdom

Today, 5 days after being dumped by my long term boyfriend I attended a training session. The first thing on the agenda was an hour long case study on how amazing my ex boyfriend's company is. FML.

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By painfulpee - 28/01/2016 12:30 - Australia - Bassendean

Today, I came down with a urinary tract infection. I immediately knew what it was because this is the 27th time in a row that I have gotten one exactly 24 hours after sex. FML

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By sonofanutcraker - 28/01/2016 12:30 - United States - Vestal

Today, I took off my hoodie in the middle of school. To bad I forgot that this morning I felt lazy and didn't put on a shirt under it, FML.

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By Thanks mom - 28/01/2016 11:54 - United States - Plymouth

Today, at hockey practice my friend asked for some tape. I told him to look in my bag. Apparently, some laundry ended up in my bag because he pulled out a pair of pink lingerie. The whole team is now obsessed with my mom. FML

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By Doggy Breath - 28/01/2016 11:49 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I woke up with my mouth tasting literally like shit. I mentioned the bad taste to my sister and she confessed that while I was asleep she rubbed our dogs ass all over my face. FML

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By SomeFag - 28/01/2016 11:26 - United States - Portage

Yesterday, my gym had a day at the swimming pool. In the changing room, I was the only one changing. when I asked why no one else was changing, they said it was because they didn't want to change in front of the gay guy, FML

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By Bi_Girl - 28/01/2016 11:16 - Australia - Thornleigh

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. My mother cried more than I did, I'm 14. FML

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By NoKissinig - 28/01/2016 11:13 - Italy - Cosenza

Today, my girlfriend came back from a 5-days-work-convention with a huge herpes or her lips. I jokingly asked her if she had kissed someone to get that and she answered: "Don't be stupid, it's a genital herpes!". Well, I guess she hasn't "kissed" anyone then. FML

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By weldersgirl1008 - 28/01/2016 11:13 - United States - Magnolia

Today, I started a new class and excited I sat in the front row by the teachers desk, not only did I find out my teacher spits when she talks the perverted guy who chose the seat next to me was wanking under the desk.

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By Lisa - 28/01/2016 10:49 - United States - North Platte

Everyday for 2 weeks a car alarm has been going off for over 20 minutes right outside my window. I work the night shift and sleep during the day and it always happens when I'm sleeping. Today I finally called the cops, and they said they can't do anything about it unless it happens after 10 pm.

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By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 10:05 - United States - Tucson

Today, I had a wet dream laying next to my boyfriend. I called out his brother's name in my sleep. He asked why I never made those sounds with him. FML

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By Hypnotique - 28/01/2016 10:05 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I finally decided to let my boyfriend of just over a year know that I love him. So after my heartfelt confession, he releases his own confession; "I love you like a sister." FML

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By Responsible dog owner - 28/01/2016 09:39 - Australia - Golden Grove

Today, my mother got extremely angry with me because our dog ate some onion for the third time in two days. Yet again she was the one that dropped the onion for him to eat. She doesn't understand why I get annoyed at her each time she 'accidentally' drops something dangerous. FML

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The Top

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 3 160

Today, one of my employees was fired for refusing to do a basic job necessity. After the meeting with HR, he left the office and tried to go back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 173

Today, I got slapped by a date because she thought I was making fun of her speech impediment. I wasn't making fun, I just have the same speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 123

Today, while leaving our county courthouse after testifying as the arresting officer in multiple DWI cases, I hit a wrong way sign in the court’s parking lot. All the defense attorneys were outside, asking me if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 833

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 516

You deserved it 341

Today, my dad took my phone away. This would be fine if I was 14. I'm 22 and pay for all of my own bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 122

You deserved it 4 859