Nearly FML

By suchamug - 23/06/2016 13:33 - United Kingdom - Bodmin

Today, I found out that my boyfriend kissed my best friend whilst they were both on a night out celebrating my birthday. How? I read it among the texts of how they were going to tell me that they wanted to be together. I introduced the both of them. Fml

agreeclassic 147

vote type 1 11

By Anonymous - 23/06/2016 13:29 - United States - Houston

Today, I attended my cousin's funeral. It was an open casket funeral and upon seeing the body, I vomited, splattering her corpse. FML

agreeclassic 632

vote type 1 60

By Moskie - 23/06/2016 13:28 - United Kingdom - Ferndale

Today, I had to serve a man with a Nazi Eagle tattoo on one arm and an SS tattoo on the other, and smile while doing so. FML.

agreeclassic 460

vote type 1 52

By puf_puff_passs - 23/06/2016 12:12

Today, about 3am i wake up to dogs barking and someone banging on my door, so i go downstairs and it's two cops standing at my door. come to find out while i was sleeping i dialed an emergency call #. FML

agreeclassic 381

vote type 1 54

By Anonymous - 23/06/2016 12:09 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I woke up in a semi-conscious and very confused state. I was so confused that, in order to prevent it from falling on me, I pulled the light fixture above my bed off the wall. It was then that I fully woke up and realized what I had done. My parents were not happy about the hole. FML

agreeclassic 337

vote type 1 40

By Anonymous - 23/06/2016 12:03 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my dad gave me his credit card so I can get gas at anytime, and he told me to be responsible. Thinking that since it wasn't my money, I would definately be more careful with it, I said "It's not my money, so I don't think I'll have any problems." That didn't go over too well. FML

agreeclassic 320

vote type 1 65

By SiraSiemens - 23/06/2016 11:29 - Switzerland

Today, I am at work as a programmer. It's 32°C/90°F outside and my coworker needs to have 3 desktop computers, with a total of 5 monitors running in our small office room. Management specifically forbade us from having an AC unit. Sumer has only just begun. FML

agreeclassic 344

vote type 1 26

By Anonymous - 23/06/2016 09:25 - United States - Albuquerque

Today I went to a pick up hockey game with my friends, while on the ice I felt something funny in my pads and went on the bench. When I got on the bench I put my hand into my pads and pulled out a mouse. It turns out when I left my gear in the garage the night before a mouse got in it. FML

agreeclassic 294

vote type 1 27

By S.D.C. - 23/06/2016 05:51 - United States - Seattle

Today my father lectured me with his politics again. He's THE stereotypical Trump supporter, and preaches to me a lot that all Muslims and Middle Easterns should leave the U.S. and be destroyed. But he forgets his ex wife is half Lebanese which makes me one quarter Lebanese. Let that sink in. FML

agreeclassic 642

vote type 1 79

By Atleasticanapprecitetheviews - 23/06/2016 04:35 - Bonaire, Saint Eustatius and Sab - The Bottom

Today marks the 21st and final day of my dream, once in a lifetime holiday. I've gotten to enjoy the last 18 days of it in tranquil silence, since customs confiscated my supply of hearing aid batteries upon arrival, and not a single shop sells the kind I need. FML

agreeclassic 579

vote type 1 46

By PhillytheGod - 23/06/2016 04:17 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a ridiculous argument because I didn't want to copy her homework. FML.

agreeclassic 364

vote type 1 38

By lmaonope - 23/06/2016 04:15 - United States - Dallas

Today, my mom told me a guy has to be brave to date me. Why? "You're terrifying." FML

agreeclassic 347

vote type 1 35

By vm8983 - 23/06/2016 04:14 - United States

Today, My sister called my boyfriend by my ex's name. I haven't been with my ex for six years. Now, my boyfriend thinks I am seeing him behind his back and bringing him around my family. FML

agreeclassic 397

vote type 1 30

By pat3212 - 23/06/2016 03:18 - Canada - Ancaster

Today, after writing an exam, going to the gym, cramming, and then an eight our shift as a barista, I decided to go home and have a nice long shower. There was no hot water. FML.

agreeclassic 347

vote type 1 50

By Anonymous - 23/06/2016 02:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was bitten by a dog. I decided to talk to the owner. A man walked up to the door in his nude and told me to fuck off. he also said I deserved to be bitten. FML

agreeclassic 396

vote type 1 46

By mamm - 23/06/2016 00:01 - United States - Athens

Today, I am the proud owner of my newly purchased, first house. Today I also discovered that the hardwood floors throughout said house are the exact shade of my cat's fur. Repeatedly. FML.

agreeclassic 346

vote type 1 52

By Norja - 22/06/2016 21:54 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked into a restaurant and caught my Dad having lunch with his other daughter. Not only did I not know I had a half sister, but we are only 2 months apart in age. My Dad's response to being found out? "That's a load off my mind."

agreeclassic 437

vote type 1 26

By everything hurts - 22/06/2016 20:52 - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I learned that although you'd think tumbling down a flight of stairs would be the worst a date gets, it can in fact get worse. FML

agreeclassic 311

vote type 1 39

By Stressed - 22/06/2016 19:03 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I told my partner I felt overwhelmed and needed more help around the house. He didn't say anything and just left the room. He's now pretending I didn't say anything and pointing out more jobs around the house i haven't done yet. FML

agreeclassic 296

vote type 1 18

By DragonFruit31 - 22/06/2016 18:42 - United States - Canton

Today, my boyfriend tried to engage me in a conversation about whether or not astronauts touch themselves while in space. FML

agreeclassic 214

vote type 1 50

By goaway - 22/06/2016 18:20 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to say goodbye to my long distance boyfriend at the airport. I was feeling upset after dropping him off, so I started crying on the bus back home. A lady then decided to sit next to me and talk nonstop for the entire ride. I had to pretend everything was okay. FML

agreeclassic 250

vote type 1 32

By TheForgotten - 22/06/2016 06:53 - Djibouti

Today, my husband knows by heart the dates of when his favorite games come out. Today is also my birthday that he has forgotten and last month was our wedding anniversary, also forgotten. FML

agreeclassic 853

vote type 1 132

By Ricky - 22/06/2016 05:48 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I got bitched at for 6 hours on a roadtrip by my mother. I asked her not to smoke while my 4 month old child was in the backseat. She had a ptoblem with me being "disrespectful" towards her. She must've smoke atleast 10 times during this roadtrip. She didn't see a problem with it. FML

agreeclassic 749

vote type 1 47

By abarry0830 - 22/06/2016 04:06 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my parents had a family discussion about my sister's birthday plans because it was the "next birthday of the family". They made extravagant plans for a huge trip, with reservations made months in advance. My birthday is a month before hers, but it's ok. They said they'd FaceTime me. FML

agreeclassic 689

vote type 1 58

By happiestturtle - 22/06/2016 04:01 - United States - West Chicago

Today, my mother tackled me so she could use the bathroom first. FML.

agreeclassic 490

vote type 1 90

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 03:19 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I got a compliment on my soft hands and how I must take care of myself. Nope, just can't seem to get a girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 458

vote type 1 54

By unkai - 22/06/2016 02:23 - Malaysia - Petaling Jaya

Today, while driving to work, I was wondering why the highway was so empty. Turned out, today is a public holiday in this state but I still have to work... FML

agreeclassic 457

vote type 1 45

By DragonFruit31 - 21/06/2016 23:48 - United States - Havre De Grace

Today, I got braces. When I showed my mom, she said, "At least you'll lose weight because you can't eat anything." FML

agreeclassic 483

vote type 1 52

By badluckbrian - 21/06/2016 23:46 - United States - Dallas

Today, I had a job interview. I also slept in late, my car doesn't work and my brother canceled on taking me last minute, resulting in a long walk through Texas heat. On the way back, I ended up in the back seat of a police cruiser. Silver linings, right? FML

agreeclassic 495

vote type 1 31

By catimakittycat - 21/06/2016 23:41 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I was in the car parked in underground parking, feeding my baby. My partner left the car running with the lights on and went to the supermarket. So far I've had two people come up and tell me my lights are on. It's only been 15 minutes. I can't reach the lever to turn the lights off. FML

agreeclassic 395

vote type 1 55

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Crushed it! (The bag of groceries, of course.)

agreeclassic 286

vote type 1 230

Today, I got dressed up for the first time in days to go have sushi with a friend. When I walked out to my car, I noticed that the passenger window was shattered and the car robbed. What's worse is I'd forgotten to lock the side doors anyway. FML

agreeclassic 28 876

vote type 1 6 012

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

agreeclassic 19 963

vote type 1 1 437

Today, I got a bird as a pet. I thought it would be funny to put it on my head and take a picture. When the flash went off the bird flew off my head and pooped at the same time. You could see it in the picture. FML

agreeclassic 13 362

vote type 1 45 003

Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML

agreeclassic 212

vote type 1 498

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

agreeclassic 36 818

vote type 1 4 768