Nearly FMLs

By firefighter1993 - 16/06/2016 06:48 - United States - Arvada

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 1 in the morning saying that the fish tank upstairs has no water in it and the fish are dying. Keep in mind the tank is a 50 gallon tank. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 9

By BedroomJackoff - 16/06/2016 06:47 - United States - Huxley

Today, I found my friend jacking off in my bedroom, and to my mother's picture. I still have no idea how he got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 13

By SubaruWRXSTI - 16/06/2016 06:37 - United States - Sandusky

Today, I realised that I am in love with my best friend, who confessed her love for me after I had recently broken up with my ex a few months ago. Unfortunately she has a new boyfriend now, and watching them together hurts me beyond belief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 26

By TheDarkCaster - 16/06/2016 06:36 - United Kingdom - Caterham

Today, I walked in on my mum. Now, this would be fine... If it was actually my dad. Not my next door neighbour... FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 6

By yingxinnnnn - 16/06/2016 06:33 - Malaysia - Banting

Today, while working at a tuition center, we discovered that a 7 year old boy shat his pants and dripped liquid poo all the way to the toilet and shat on the toilet floor. He even scooped up the poo with his bare hands to put it in the basin and smeared it all over the walls and mops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

By summerstudent - 16/06/2016 06:26 - United States

Today, (and every other day) my roommates have a late sleeping schedule unlike my early-to-bed-early-to-rise schedule. I wouldn't mind this, except for the fact that I have to fall asleep with the lights on every night and get ready in the dark every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 11

By it___happens - 16/06/2016 06:18 - United States - Bothell

Today, I got to walk for graduation after earning both my associates degree,and my high school diploma. Unfortunately I had a seizure right before walking into the building, and got to spend all day in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 16/06/2016 06:03 - Australia - Caboolture

Today, i got a haircut. I had to listen to my barber talk about her recent breakup for the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 13

By Analsexander - 16/06/2016 05:54 - Austria - Furstenfeld

Today my girlfriend told me, that she got a summer job 3 hours away from my city and would only come back on weekends. Then she continued "Also we will not have sex in the next two months, because the job is exhausting and sex hurts anyway." We had our first time a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 16

By what? - 16/06/2016 05:42 - United States - Chugiak

Today, my landlord screamed at me for my little brother drawing with chalk on the concrete pathway. What did I see her grand-daughter doing later that day? Drawing with chalk on the same pathway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 7

By Foreveralone - 16/06/2016 05:06 - United States

Today, after going on a long rant about how I have no love life to one of my friends, I decided to end on an optimistic note saying "but I'm sure I'll find someone someday." He mumbled something under his breath and when I asked him to clarify he said he highly doubted I would ever find anyone. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 9

By sk1tt135 - 16/06/2016 04:45 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick so I went to the bathroom to throw up not long after I did it, my body needed to throw up again but not before my boyfriend pushed me out of the way to take a piss. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 7

By rorylikesnoodles - 16/06/2016 04:38 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I was staying with my father and brother, and I needed to use the bathroom. As I was in the process of sitting down on the toilet, I realized there was an absence of toilet seat. It was too late. I fell into the toilet bowl, poo water splashing all over me and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 8

By BrokenBen - 16/06/2016 04:14 - United States - Austin

Today my wife of 22 years told me she's leaving me. I then found out that my two daughters are actually my niece's, and she had been sleeping with my brother throughout our marriage. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 45

By The Dark Knight - 16/06/2016 02:40 - Canada - Val-d'or

Today, I graduated to college and my family only came because of the food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 39

By meatloaf11 - 16/06/2016 01:32 - United States

Today, A girl turned me down for a date because she, "doesn't really eat dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 35

By Anonymous - 16/06/2016 01:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was buying food from an Indian cashier. When I misunderstood what he said and he laughed bitterly, I blurted "Sorry, I don't understand *anyone* when they speak." He was visibly offended, and I just rushed out in anxiety. I meant that I have language processing issues due to a disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 36

By Anonymous - 16/06/2016 00:55 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after finishing a great workout at the gym, I drank my usual 3 scoops of protein powder. I completely forgot about the massage I booked for half an hour later. I have been having the worst protein farts while she is working on my back and even heard her gag a couple times FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 65

By Rah - 16/06/2016 00:26 - United States - West Warwick

Today I noticed my friend's mom's bulging stomach. It was very round so I thought 'she must be pregnant' so after her mom leaves I ask "is your mom pregnent?" And she turns, looks at me, and says "my parents haven't slept in the same bed in years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 47

By newly-bummed - 15/06/2016 21:30 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my husband of two months fell asleep during sex. This is the first time in over a month that he even attempted to get intimate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 20

By kev1316 - 15/06/2016 21:07 - United States - Hammonton

Today, I was riding my bike up the small road my house is on. I was having a good time, until I fell off, catching my finger in between the chain and sprocket, almost severing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 31

By guilt - 15/06/2016 20:44 - United States - Clover

Today, my dog's been hyperventilating, panicking, and sometimes shutting down for 2 weeks now. The vet told me that since dogs mimick the personalities of their owners, I gave my dog anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 40

By Single Again - 15/06/2016 19:51 - United States - Jaffrey

Today, I discovered that, even though my girlfriend of three years wants to wait until marriage for us to have sex, she has no problem banging my friend she met last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 18

By dammitalltohell - 15/06/2016 18:00 - Canada - New Liskeard

Today. my new boyfriend made me watch a thing on sexual harassment. He claims that my constantly wanting sex is most definitely sexual harassment. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 29

By Looking For Work - 15/06/2016 11:18 - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, 10 minutes before my shift ended, my manager decided to dump a ton of dishes into my sink that she 'forgot' about. I either had to stay over and finish them or get written up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 98

By Emmmmmmmmmmmmma - 15/06/2016 08:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, at an interview for a job in which I'll be using my private phone to access confidential information, the interviewer emphasized how important it was to keep our phones secure. After, I realized my phone was nowhere to be found and the interviewer saw me searching for it.

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 93

By Tembeleanna - 15/06/2016 07:59 - Switzerland

Today, I woke up bright and early, just when my boss called to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 36

By jheria - 15/06/2016 07:47 - United States - Union City

Today, I let my dog outside. I came out 15 minutes later to a missing puppy and a picture of Mick Jagger on my window. Sucky Trade off, jerk. FML!

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 59

By SapphireDolphin - 15/06/2016 04:02 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook message because according to him we don't talk enough. Even though he had ignored my last 3 messages. He ended his text with "oh by the way, sorry about your grandmother" She passed away last week and this was the first time he'd bothered to text me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 24

By headacheheartache - 15/06/2016 03:38 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, at the pool, my boyfriend was messing around and splashing me in the face. Instinctively, I tried to push him away but I accidentally ended smacking him in the face. He is currently not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 66

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The Top

Today, a customer told my boss I was too pushy because I asked her what bra size she wears. I work at a lingerie store. I got a stern lecture from my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 896

You deserved it 3 497

Today, not only is my son a bully, but he's dumb enough to bully a kid whose parents both do martial arts. His mom is a cage fighter and his step-dad is a kickboxer. They're both huge, terrifying, and pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 603

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 837

You deserved it 7 668

Today, after suspecting that my boyfriend was cheating while I was out of town, I came across an Instagram picture of him with another girl. I found out that he told her he was single. When I confronted him in a comment, the girl’s friend replied, "He clearly likes her more than you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 778

You deserved it 600

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 434

You deserved it 9 346

Today, my best friend got engaged. I would be happy for her, if it wasn’t for the fact that her fiancé was my boyfriend just 2 months ago. Upon hearing the news, I severed all ties with her. She ended up bitching me out and calling me selfish for being upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 133