Nearly FML

By CollegeLife - 25/06/2016 02:51 - United States - Camarillo

Today, I received a grade of zero on an 800 word essay I had to write for class. Why? It came out to 794 words. FML

agreeclassic 198

vote type 1 38

By anonymous - 25/06/2016 02:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I shaved down there and used new shaving cream. Apparently my cat likes the new scent and I woke up to my cat biting my vagina. FML.

agreeclassic 211

vote type 1 17

By noellebelle626 - 25/06/2016 02:39 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out what it's like to have all my ex's living in the same apartment complex. So far flowers and a stuffed monkey has been left at my door from both. Worst part? My now ex Boyfriend left me today because "they made me realize I miss my ex" then asked if he could borrow flowers. FML

agreeclassic 185

vote type 1 13

By sober yes I am - 25/06/2016 02:20 - United States - Austin

Today, I woke up hung over and sad I had pissed away 27 years of sobriety. Then it occurred to me it was all a dream and my body was reacting to it. Not that bad, but this happens every year. FML

agreeclassic 312

vote type 1 41

By ondreyyya - 25/06/2016 02:15 - United States - Auburn Hills

Today, I was at a group event and my crush was there. I had a raging boner and she could tell, she refused to look at me the rest of the time.FML.

agreeclassic 287

vote type 1 35

By Caitlin - 25/06/2016 02:07 - United States - Cypress

Today, I was shamed for turning down a mimosa at brunch. I am allergic to oranges. FML

agreeclassic 277

vote type 1 22

By TheBiMan - 25/06/2016 01:56 - United States - Marion

Today, I came out to my father and stepmother,we were watching TV and my stepmom says "that guy is hot" and because I talk sexually about guys and girls to my friends I said "yah I'd blow him".FML

agreeclassic 317

vote type 1 49

By Unemployed - 25/06/2016 01:55 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, after getting out a low security psychiatric unit two weeks ago and returning to work after my depression hit new lows, I was greeted by my manager to tell me I no longer work there. Maybe I should have taken the 'what are you doing here?' from my colleague as a hint. FML.

agreeclassic 282

vote type 1 22

By Chloefication - 25/06/2016 01:54 - United States - Gloucester

Today a client called the vet clinic I work at to inform us her house has bed bugs and that's the reason why she is boarding her pets. And that dogs can carry them around because they hitchihike. I was the assistant that held the dogs yesterday. FML

agreeclassic 261

vote type 1 19

By amitilin - 25/06/2016 01:36 - Israel

Today, my phone fell from the table. I desperately tried to catch it with my foot, but I completely missed it, and I ended up kicking the table as hard as I possibly can instead. Now I have a broken phone, a broken toe and a broken soul. FML

agreeclassic 263

vote type 1 44

By MostynTheWeirdo - 25/06/2016 01:20 - Australia

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to pull the plug out of my computer out while I was working on it. Looks like I'll have to restart my 50,000 word legal statement. FML

agreeclassic 313

vote type 1 24

By NerdGirl321 - 25/06/2016 01:09 - India - Noida

Today, I lost my balance and fell, luckily I caught myself from falling but I grabbed my friends crotch in the process. FML

agreeclassic 228

vote type 1 28

By Mehazeleyes - 25/06/2016 00:53 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, I just finished a collect-call from my fiancé. I just found out he's been charge with 3x dangerous driving 2x fleeing the scene. We just recently got our apartment together with a 1 year lease I might add and we just got a new born puppy. Fml.

agreeclassic 234

vote type 1 14

By gamerlaura - 25/06/2016 00:51 - United Kingdom - Blaenau-ffestiniog

Today, while changing my 10 week old baby's nappy and everything was going fine as usual. Just as I was about to put the new nappy on my daughter then decided to projectile poo all over my chest and stomach, while laying on the changing mat smiling. FML

agreeclassic 172

vote type 1 18

By Anon - 25/06/2016 00:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I got complained at by my boss. He was annoyed at me for the amount of times I had been to the bathroom. I was in there each time almost puking. Why was I almost puking, because he made me clean poop and hair from the pool and I constantly felt sick... FML

agreeclassic 155

vote type 1 7

By loser - 25/06/2016 00:41 - United States - Arlington

Today,my little brother invited all ten of his "closest" friends over while our mother was away. I called and informed her of his little get together as I was informed to do by my dad. When mother came home she punished me for being a snitch and he is now at the movies with his friends. FML

agreeclassic 172

vote type 1 14

By Yuck - 24/06/2016 19:31 - Canada - Victoria

Today, like every other day, I woke up and made myself a cup of coffee using my French press. After a few sips, I noticed the taste was off, so I checked the coffee in the can, and found a nest of maggots. I crushed maggot guts and drank it. FML

agreeclassic 588

vote type 1 77

By rosecolas - 24/06/2016 19:17 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I just found out that my brother didn't clean up his vomit that he apparently left on the broom. Now I know to always double check something before I use it. FML

agreeclassic 342

vote type 1 44

By prezkal - 24/06/2016 19:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I wet my pants while golfing. We were only on the sixth hole. I couldn't change. FML

agreeclassic 335

vote type 1 46

By martinmarley - 24/06/2016 18:13 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, I became friends on Facebook with my future Father-in-law and is the same day my ex girlfriend decided to go on my Facebook wall to express her feelings about how she still loves,miss my junk and how big my junk is. FML.

agreeclassic 420

vote type 1 26

By 132ikl - 24/06/2016 18:05 - United States - Grosse Pointe

Today, I was in a Skype call with my friends. I was working on a project so I had to temporarily leave the call. I muted my mic and turned off my camera. While I was working on the project, I was singing and humming some songs to pass the time. Skype didn't actually mute. They heard me. FML.

agreeclassic 316

vote type 1 95

By JoLeighK98 - 24/06/2016 17:52 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I was asked out by the guy of my dreams only to be dumped 2 minutes later because his best friend told him I was trash. FML

agreeclassic 372

vote type 1 40

By Kurliez408 - 24/06/2016 17:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to go out for pizza before I fly home for the summer. The second I finished doing my makeup, it started pouring rain like hell. It was sunny when I got it the shower. It stopped raining soon as I gave up and paid for home delivery. FML

agreeclassic 281

vote type 1 37

By C8H18 - 24/06/2016 17:44 - United States

Today I gave my brother all of my savings so he wouldn't lose his house. Right afterwards I found out my company lost its contract and I'm now out of a job. FML.

agreeclassic 381

vote type 1 22

By grams - 24/06/2016 17:41 - United States - Omaha

Today, in an attempt to console me about my brother leaving for basic training, my grandma says well at least he's not gonna be a sniper or ranger they have a way harder time. My boyfriend is training to be a ranger and might get asked to be a sniper. FML

agreeclassic 335

vote type 1 20

By themrman - 24/06/2016 17:26 - United States - Boise

Today, I got my heart broken. My girlfriend left for another guy, and turns out that guy is my little brother. I guess I'll still be seeing her around my house if she's not in his room. FML.

agreeclassic 279

vote type 1 17

By Oxnar60 - 24/06/2016 16:52 - United States - Harwich

Today, a customer threw a cup of cole slaw at my face at the restaurant I work at for "not serving her table for 25 minutes". I was off duty. FML

agreeclassic 181

vote type 1 14

By IamHM - 24/06/2016 16:27 - United States - Santa Fe

Today my dad threatened to take my phone away if I didn't stop texting so many guys. I'm a grown ass woman who pays her own bills, and I don't even live with him! FML

agreeclassic 195

vote type 1 22

By howdidthishappen - 24/06/2016 15:30 - United Kingdom - Newark

Today, I realised I had made a major typo on one of my price lists for my new business. I've been sending this price list to customers, I had it on Facebook, twice on my website and I carry a hard copy with me. It's no wonder I stopped getting enquiries for that service. FML

agreeclassic 141

vote type 1 23

By Barry - 24/06/2016 15:27 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend told some people how she had coerced me into giving another guy a blowjob while she watched. And they started calling me "blowjob Barry." So embarrassing. FML

agreeclassic 170

vote type 1 18

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, after celebrating my birthday yesterday, getting really drunk, I woke up naked in the bathroom at my girlfriend's house. Why did I wake up? Her father walked in. FML

agreeclassic 9 462

vote type 1 29 122

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

agreeclassic 98 395

vote type 1 7 912

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

agreeclassic 76 419

vote type 1 10 537

Today, my girlfriend came up to me to ask me to have access to my Google account, just so she could delete all my photos then break up with me, saying I was in the wrong. She thought it was disrespectful for me to have a life outside of her. FML

agreeclassic 906

vote type 1 131

Today, after 5 years of marriage, my once-gym-mad husband is now so unfit that even standard missionary sex makes him so breathless and light headed, he has to stop in case he passes out. He hasn’t given me an orgasm in over a year and yet he insists nothing's wrong with him, and that I’m just being mean. FML

agreeclassic 1 444

vote type 1 294

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

agreeclassic 49 221

vote type 1 3 286