Love

By Anonymous - 22/07/2013 08:47 - United Kingdom - Bury

Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her by another girl's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 985

You deserved it 30 323

By gavinbanks - 21/07/2013 22:55 - United States - Medford

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 778

You deserved it 26 686

gavinbanks tells us more.

gavinbanks 13

Saturday 24 August 2013 22:27

Hey everyone! Op here, thought I'd clear some things up. I had my phone on me but it was dead that night. I actually saw the girl again last night at another party, I told her the story and she have me her number again! Everything worked out for the best I guess, Thanks for the funny comments everyone!!!

By Anonymous - 21/07/2013 21:49 - Canada - Drumheller

Today, while arguing with my newly ex-girlfriend over how she cheated on me with a mutual friend, she tried to wash her hands of any guilt, saying that I was "selfish" and "just slut-shaming, really". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 203

You deserved it 3 792

By Carebeareatu - 21/07/2013 13:26 - United States

Today, my fiancé confronted me about our wedding arrangements. Apparently, if he's not allowed to wear a duct-tape tuxedo and have a Jesus impersonator as his best man, the wedding is off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 936

You deserved it 8 274

Carebeareatu tells us more.

Carebeareatu 23

Sunday 21 July 2013 21:39

Hey guys, OP here. I agreed to the Jesus as the best man but not the tux. No, I'm not going to dump him or call the wedding off because of his ideas, since it isn't just the woman's day but his too. It isn't too terrible to have have a little spunk at Our wedding ;P

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 20:57 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 831

You deserved it 4 825

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 16:41 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 462

You deserved it 4 326

Picky picky

By booger - 18/07/2013 07:41 - United States - Plano

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted, "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 778

You deserved it 15 048

Content warning

By fuck family - 17/07/2013 20:13 - Poland - Walbrzych

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 959

You deserved it 5 574

By sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - 17/07/2013 10:06 - United States - Pearl City

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 010

You deserved it 6 704

By hannahisacooler - 16/07/2013 23:41 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I told the guy I liked about my crush on him. He said he would keep me in mind if he ever hits rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 372

You deserved it 3 884

By .__. - 16/07/2013 20:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 905

You deserved it 4 609

Fight Club

By ronnieG - 16/07/2013 16:06 - United States - Decatur

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 714

You deserved it 8 805

By leeceetaylor99 - 15/07/2013 16:47 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 906

You deserved it 3 898

By disataerkatie - 15/07/2013 10:30 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, the guy I was on a date with jokingly challenged me to an arm wrestle. I won. He left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 952

You deserved it 7 758

disataerkatie tells us more.

disataerkatie 6

Monday 15 July 2013 20:19

I wish I had longer arms. Possibly the best part is that he is an entire foot taller than I am...

By WTF - 14/07/2013 20:08 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 535

You deserved it 3 891

By Anonymous - 13/07/2013 21:39 - United States - Salinas

Today, my girlfriend of over four years cheated on me in revenge for me abandoning our date last night. I'm a surgeon on call at the local hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 867

You deserved it 4 172

Who the **** are you?

By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/07/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 428

You deserved it 4 169

By a man - 13/07/2013 13:20 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 311

You deserved it 5 393

By Stacy - 13/07/2013 04:22 - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 150

You deserved it 5 259

Next!

By ElodieUNU - 12/07/2013 19:33 - France

Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 190

You deserved it 7 795

So romantic

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 16:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave, "He's out of my league; you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 223

You deserved it 4 397

By heartbroken - 10/07/2013 19:08 - Australia

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of over a year has been cheating on me the whole time, but that "it's just physical". However, he doesn't want to do anything "physical" with me, except cuddle when we're together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 059

You deserved it 4 725

By Paige - 10/07/2013 14:18 - United Kingdom - Witham

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 729

You deserved it 5 726

By cristy91 - 10/07/2013 04:01 - United States - Orlando

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 273

You deserved it 4 288

cristy91 tells us more.

cristy91 33

Wednesday 10 July 2013 14:24

Okay, to answer a few questions: yes, the flavors were the same. Yes, my parents knew I'd be baking two cakes. The reason they ate from each is that my grandma put the "family" cake in the fridge without telling anyone, so they assumed the remaining cake was for them (grandma is a little forgetful). No, I can't combine them, I used "half" but it's half for one and a bit more than 1/3 from the other. No, not putting laxatives, I love baking and they bought me more ingredients to use.

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 17:11 - United States - Romulus

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 641

You deserved it 5 581