Your everyday life stories

Anonymous - 17/05/2016 16:25 - Malaysia - Broga

Today, I realized that the only guys who hit on me are creeps, horny-24/7-assholes, compulsive liars with a Messiah complex, and scammers. Meanwhile, all the nice guys I know believe that a "nice girl" like me is already taken, despite my protests that I'm not. FML.

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Div - 17/05/2016 15:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in class, I accidentally dragged the side of my shoe across the floor, making an extremely loud farting noise and making everyone turn around and stare. The best thing I could think to say was "Damn, that sounded weird." FML

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Jeffmagma - 17/05/2016 14:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my grandmother tried to wake me up by suffocating me. FML.

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The Ugly Sibling - 17/05/2016 13:45 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to the mall with my brother. He just came home from college for summer break; I haven't seen him in ages so it was really nice. That was until I ran into a younger friend who later texted me; "Who was the hot guy with you?" FML

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daidax_238 - 17/05/2016 13:43 - United States - Dayton

Today, I got a boner after hearing that I was going to see the new captain America movie with my friend. My friend is a guy. I'm a guy. I'm 100% straight. I got a boner from thinking about a movie. FML

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thanks_mom - 17/05/2016 13:38 - United States - Houston

Today, it was my birthday. My mom gave me a jean jacket, which didn't fit me. That's okay though, it fit her, and it was her favorite brand. FML

JustThatPerson - 17/05/2016 13:33 - Netherlands - Asten

Today, someone thought it would be a great idea to try and stab me, for touching his balloon. FML.

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chuckmaddah - 17/05/2016 13:33 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, my little brother broke my first pair of good quality expensive earphones. I had them for a year and the warranty had just ran out 9 days ago. He refuses to pay for it because "they were going to break eventually". Fml

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MsDavis95 - 17/05/2016 13:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out my boyfriend has pictures of my little sister saved on his phone. Fml

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Fletch - 17/05/2016 13:04 - United States - Loganville

Today, my 4 year old son was listening to Tool on the radio with me on his way to his Christian preschool. When he ran into class, he very loudly told the teacher he loved 'the name of the song'. That song? Prison Sex. FML.

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nosummerjob - 17/05/2016 12:43 - United States - New York

Today, I got my first summer job at a sleep away camp. I talked to a couple of friends that got hired for the same position and they told me they were getting paid more than $200 more than me a week. FML

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SevieCookie - 17/05/2016 12:41 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, the two questions in my exam that I could answer confidently were in the "Either/Or" section of the question paper, FML.

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Anonymous - 17/05/2016 12:26

Today, there is a creepy maintenance guy where I work that keeps asking for my number and I keep refusing to give it to him and my boss made me text him to remind him to bring something to work. He now has my number. FML

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anon_ - 17/05/2016 11:45 - Australia

Today, I started hitting on a girl on Snapchat. Just as we finished our conversation, I accidentally made a screenshot of the conversation and it appeared in chat. FML

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RainCl0ud - 17/05/2016 11:28 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, I had to make the shitty choice between facing the giant moth in my bathroom, or exploding in my pants. The moth won. FML

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keldarington - 17/05/2016 11:19 - United States - Clarksville

Today, i decided to start compiling a setlist for a festival ill be playing in June. Once i got everything set up and ready, I hit the power button and nothing happened. I now have two weeks to get a new laptop and get a set ready for the biggest gig in my life. FML.

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Phycheledic - 17/05/2016 11:06 - United States

Today, my teacher came to my house to tell my mom that I haven't come to school for 2 months. I graduated two months ago. FML

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The_Waffle - 17/05/2016 10:51 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently my feet are to ugly and he doesn't want our children to have ugly feet too. I can't even have children. FML

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wtfislifeanymore - 17/05/2016 10:47 - United States

Today, I was moving with my mom, we had to clean out a chest she got from her grandfather about a year ago. in the bottom of the chest, there was a vibrator, 2 used condoms, a dildo, 2 tubes of used lube, and a flashlight. my mom is single. FML

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Cuck - 17/05/2016 09:54 - Serbia

Today, I went to the club, found this hot girl, bought her a few drinks and we danced, after a while we got in my car and I drove her to my home, we took off our clothes and she put her strap-on that was in her purse at that point I knew I fucked up, but to make it even worse my mother came in..FML

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www.FML.com - 17/05/2016 09:54 - Australia

Today, I overhead a group of students talking about how they want to bang there mom. My son was one of them....FML

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Kimtron - 17/05/2016 09:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today I went to a new Doctor to get some birth control and discovered he was a sexy man I had been chatting with on tinder. FML

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JenPanda - 17/05/2016 09:16 - Netherlands - Tilburg

Today, after 18 months of pure stress from financial issues, immigrating, learning the new language and culture, I finally landed a job. As it turns out, 18 months of intense, non stop stress wreaks havoc on your immune system and I'm in bed sick as a dog on what would be my 3rd day of work. FML

Saddutchguy - 17/05/2016 09:02 - Netherlands - Leusden

Today, my girlfriend told me out of nowhere she doubts her feelings about us. We just booked a vacation last week and had a bridal themed photoshoot. She still posts pictures of us on Facebook and I don't know what to do. I am broken as we were talking about moving in together and having kids. FML

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naaazlii - 17/05/2016 08:58 - Singapore

Today, I was told that I'm not eligible for the job I've been applying to for weeks. I turned down several job offers because I was told that I was most likely getting said job. FML.

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Anonymous - 17/05/2016 07:10 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, I won the $250 grocery gift card from monopoly I went to turn it in I was a day late. FML

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kissingkayem - 17/05/2016 05:38 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my boyfriend went on a real big rave about planning a trip to the mountains this winter. I got on board with excitement and I asked who he plans on going with and he told me "just myself". FML

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flamingicequeen - 17/05/2016 04:52 - United States - Milton

Today, I fell down the stairs and landed on my hip, instead of being concerned about my well being my boyfriend proceeded to scold me for screaming as i fell. He then watched me limp into the apartment and said i was being a drama queen. My hip is almost black. FML

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liebe123110 - 17/05/2016 04:27 - United States - Anchorage

Today, for the ninth day in a row, I was woken up quite early by the neighbor's obnoxious dog barking at nothing. Constantly. For two hours straight. FML

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demideity - 17/05/2016 04:09 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I went to the park with my family. While feeding a squirrel, my cousin approached. Long story short, I now need surgery on my finger or I may never be able to move it again. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my mother was sneaking through my underwear and found my condoms and the bills from the hospital where I had my IUD inserted. She then started yelling at me, saying that I didn't have permission to not have children and that, "I get to choose, not you." I'm 28 years-old. FML

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Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML

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Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

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Today, I was told I will receive no Christmas or birthday presents for the next 3 years because my parents paid for my rhinoplasty. I needed it because my 12-year-old brother smashed my nose with a hammer in a fit of rage. FML

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Today, my daughter is 16 hours-old and cries every time I pick her up, and refuses to be breast fed. She loves sleeping peacefully in her dad’s arms, and being bottle-fed by him. My 16 hour-old baby hates me. FML

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Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

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