Random FMLs

Just vibing

By Anonymous - 15/09/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, it was our first kid-free weekend in almost two months, and I was hoping for a nice date night. Instead, she picked up two shifts at work and then had a girls' night. Don't worry, she assigned me a massive deep clean that ate up almost my entire weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 161

My ears! My ears!

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 22:00

Today, I heard my son losing his virginity. It was hard not to, I’m disabled and need his assistance to get out of bed, so when I woke up I could hear them in the next room. He sounded like a dying cat, plus he cried afterwards, and she had to comfort him. God I wish I was deaf as well as disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 522

You deserved it 294

Buddy boy

By Anonymous - 08/11/2025 09:00

Today, at the park, a toddler ran up to me yelling “Daddy!” and hugged my legs. Trying to be nice, I patted his head and said, “Hey, buddy, I’m not your dad.” His actual dad appeared behind me, wearing the same shirt, same haircut, and looked at me like I’d just tried to kidnap his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 51

No joke

By SilverZephyr - 16/01/2015 12:49 - United States - Marion

Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 693

You deserved it 3 492

By Chris Chandler - 04/11/2018 15:30

Today, my cat peed on the kitchen floor. As I went to get the mop, I slipped on the puddle not once, not twice, but three times. In quick succession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 393

You deserved it 687

By arrow - 23/02/2016 20:39 - United States - Pomona

Today, the officers of my archery club forgot to check if anybody was behind the targets looking for arrows. I got hit in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 678

You deserved it 2 014

We care

By Ash - 25/08/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my friend spent ages telling me about her friend who is in hospital underweight with anorexia and how she wants to do anything to help because she's so worried. What I wished I could've told her is that my own ED makes me suicidal and I'll probably not survive long, but I'm not underweight so nobody cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 173

Bean.

By BeanThereRuinedThat - 22/03/2017 12:00

Today, my partner proposed to me during an anniversary dinner at a small, quiet Italian restaurant near where we live. We'd never been before, but the food was great, and the staff lovely. It all would have been perfect, if not for the dozens of pictures of Mr. Bean which covered every wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 352

You deserved it 1 073

With friends like these…

By Anonymous - 05/02/2025 03:00 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I found out that the reason all my former friends believed a bunch of rumors about me was because the person they were hearing them from was my former roommate. For two years I wondered why they didn't just ask me, now I know it's because they thought if anyone would know the truth, it would be her. UGH. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 78

By badass - 13/08/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, I started to fall in love with my wife again. We are in the middle of a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 435

You deserved it 18 381

By davetherave1983 - 09/09/2015 05:09 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 933

You deserved it 5 213

Thanks, I hate it!

By thanks for reminding me - 18/08/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, I was reduced to a blubbering mess at my baby shower. My mom bought tons of clothes, bibs, etc. Sounds nice right? Well, they all had sayings like "Daddy’s Little Princess" and "Daddy’s Girl." She knows full well my fiancé quit his job, changed his number, and disappeared without a trace 3 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 137

By baconbreath=| - 13/11/2010 05:12 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had a picnic on the beach. It was so romantic and perfect. He leant forward to kiss me. Once we had kissed he said, "We haven't even started eating yet", and passed me a mint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 104

You deserved it 9 644

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By Well shit - 11/04/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I found out at a routine check-up that I may have asthma. How it went unnoticed until now, I do not know. I guess the world just needed to come up with a new way to make me miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 139

By Anonymous - 18/05/2017 20:00

Today, the water was shut off, so I had to wash down my anti convulsants, anti depressants and sleep aids with an old, flat, non-alcoholic beer from the night before. I don't think I've ever had a more mentally dysfunctional cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 771

You deserved it 736

Bedtime stories

By Anonymous - 02/01/2023 03:00

Today, my boyfriend really gets off hearing me talk about previous sexual experiences in extreme detail while we are having sex. I have run out of real stories, so now I just make stuff up, but it's getting hard keeping track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 488

By Anonymous - 30/06/2014 11:40 - Australia - Applecross

Today, my daughter asked me how long she had to put her 2-minute noodles in the microwave for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 372

You deserved it 7 782

Just one second

By Anonymous - 19/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I found that my coworker left an "upper decker" in the toilet as a prank. I didn't realize this until I flushed. The poop clogged the top part of the toilet, which would not stop filling. I had to reach into the poopy water to unplug it. All I went in there to do was pee, and I had the CFO of our company waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 80

Assumptions

By Toast514 - 29/07/2009 23:49 - Canada

Today, I was short shifted at work because one of my employees decided not to show up. Furious, I wrote her up and made predetermined judgments about her. When she came in, I went off on her for being absent and leaving me stuck. She then informed me her mom tried to commit suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 166

You deserved it 62 577

Boozy

By hhhhhhh - 21/04/2022 12:00

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. Things were going well, the lady was about to offer me the job, but then I got the hiccups. She immediately changed her tone and said, “Yeah, I think we’re done here. Next time, don’t show up to a job interview drunk.” I had no alcohol in my system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 102

By T-Guy - 03/07/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 299

You deserved it 51 032

Panic on the streets of somewhere

By raiyne - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, while parallel parked, a car stopped next to me, backed up, and hit the woman behind him. When she pulled off to the side to check for damage, she slammed into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 229

You deserved it 2 061

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 02:02 - United States

Today, I went to an audition for a play. The casting director thanked me for my time, but told me they would pass because I had "the emotional range of a turnip." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 499

You deserved it 7 163

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 02:00

Today, I had a teaching job interview. After giving my demo lesson, I was told by the director that I had given it on the wrong topic. Turns out, I never got the e-mail with the instructions for the interview. Now I'm definitely not getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 952

You deserved it 336

By lalibear - 03/05/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 307

You deserved it 7 306

Cost of living crisis

By Dentistrysux - 22/02/2025 03:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was telling my mom about how my dentist lectured me for not doing a cleaning in the past 5 years. I haven’t been able to do so because of affordability. My mom asked, “How about the thousands of dollars you spend in concert tickets and plane tickets to party and slut out with your friends every year?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 1 249

Extreme shot reaction

By Exhausted - 14/06/2021 05:31 - India - Chennai

Today, a day after my mom and I got the vaccine, we've been doing everything around the house with one hand each through the pain. My dad hasn't helped out at all despite my requests, and sees nothing wrong with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 324

OK Tyler Durden

By Anonymous - 13/06/2012 20:38 - Netherlands

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 915

You deserved it 2 557

Always check where you're posting

By Jimbob - 08/10/2025 20:00

Today, I got a mass message on WhatsApp from my extended family about my cousin’s engagement. Trying to be funny, I replied, “Wow, can’t wait to see how long this one lasts.” I thought I was sending it to my brother. Only my brother. I sent it to the whole family group. Including my cousin. And her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 674

Congrats

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 22:44 - Canada - Rosetown

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 847

You deserved it 8 605

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I really like. My friends convinced me that he was going to stand me up and that I should just stay home to avoid being hurt. He showed up; I didn't. My friends laughed at my gullible nature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 287

You deserved it 41 395

Today, I went on a date with my a man I’ve been seeing at a restaurant. I went to use the restroom. When I came back, he and my purse were gone. He won’t answer my phone calls or texts, and he blocked me on Instagram. I’ve been ghosted and robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 260

Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 884

You deserved it 57 469

Today, I've now had to fire three employees this month alone. Why? Two were caught making TikToks while on the clock, “joking” about stealing customers’ credit card info, and the third posted a video of herself in a street fight while wearing her uniform. It should hurt to be this damn stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 127

Today, a girl I've been casually seeing just gave me the, "You're a great guy, but I'm not ready for a relationship" speech. A few hours later, I see a video in a group chat of her making out and laughing with another guy, while my other friends just watched and laughed. I'm just done trying, why am I always getting shit on? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 321

Today, there was a pollution peak in Paris. In the metro, I desperately attempted to validate my pass and was waiting for the green light. I finally decided to jump over the revolving door and ridiculously failed… My roommate, the ticket inspectors and the other people laughed. The metro was free today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 189