Random FMLs

Do you have no sense of smell?

By Anonymous - 01/10/2025 09:00

Today, I tried to surprise my partner by lighting candles all over the living room. It looked magical… until one candle melted the TV remote into a puddle of plastic. We spent our romantic evening trying to Google “How to change channels without a remote.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 447

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 02:00

Today, as I was trying to get out of bed, my foot began sliding across the floor. I instinctively tried to balance myself, only for the new angle to cause my right hip to painfully and loudly dislocate, making me fall face-forward into my dresser. Back stuck in bed after three days of freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 159

You deserved it 400

Bullshit reason #874

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 19:57 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because, she says, I have diabetes and she can’t handle the complications that may occur in the future. This after I arranged for her to take trip to Italy to ride horses, which has been on her bucket list for like 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 165

Bad liar

By pirotess31 - 31/07/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I brought a huge chocolate bar to work, left it in the break room, and came back to find it gone. Later, I saw a coworker with chocolate all over his face and fingers. I asked him if he took it, and he said, in almost offended tone, “What? No, that’s mine.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 340

I have no idea what I'm doing

By Anonymous - 18/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I'm worried my mother might have the early onset of senility. She started making gumbo, only to lose the plot halfway through, and then began throwing in the ingredients for chili. The result was an inedible mess, and she insisted we've had this for years. Then she tasted it, and yelled, "What the hell is this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 87

By porcelainleigh - 23/11/2016 19:41 - United States

Today, I got engaged. I called my mom and told her. "You didn't say yes, did you?" she said. Afterwards, I told my dad. "Uh, Congratulations. But, I have questions." Thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 526

You deserved it 1 078

Heavy phone, dude

By Burton - 12/06/2021 20:00

Today, I'm in the E.R. because I broke one of my toes when my cellphone slipped from my hands after taking a shower. Needless to say, my cellphone broke too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 363

By Anonymous - 03/09/2011 16:33 - Canada

Today, my friends happily announced that although they had been cut, they were still going to be playing on the school's volleyball team. The rumor going around is that everyone who tried out made the team. I never got a call back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 511

You deserved it 2 925

Driver 8

By _guy_j - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Glendora

Today, my brother got a job as an Uber driver. Now, whenever I need a ride from him, he insists I pay him money through the app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 499

You deserved it 3 587

Crucial information

By no one - 02/06/2020 14:00

Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 152

Funny haha

By Wrecked Ralphina - 07/10/2023 00:30 - United States

Today, I decided to try out a new look. Hair, make-up, dress. Later, at work, a guy from our insurance came to assess the building's fire damages from 2 days ago, saying, "I'm here to take pictures of the wreckage." One of my coworkers said, "She's right over there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 124

By Gitana - 22/04/2012 19:08 - Spain - Tafalla

Today, I was trying on some clothes in the store's changing room, when someone reached under the door and grabbed my purse, shoes, and pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 933

You deserved it 3 175

Snappy

By Sata - 15/01/2025 00:00 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I decided to use a newer purse because my old one was ripped. When I got off the bus, the automatic back doors closed on me before I could get fully out, and my new purse got ripped too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 111

Better safe than sorry

By Anonymous - 21/08/2025 23:00 - Australia

Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 86

By Natasha - 29/10/2015 08:58 - United States - Seattle

Today, I got so desperate for cash that I decided to start selling my used panties online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 811

You deserved it 7 290

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 14:06 - Canada

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 915

You deserved it 39 588

Brooklyn 99

By Anonymous - 17/08/2022 14:00

Today, I'm a very stoic, loner lady, with I'll admit some anger issues, and I’m starting to realise why it was a mistake to go out with a girl who’s chirpy, happy, optimistic all the damn time. It’s like I’m Rosa Diaz and I’m dating Amy Santiago, and she’s driving me insane with her happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 940

Wealth

By Anonymous - 09/04/2023 12:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, the DA approval for my renovation finally went through. I'm getting my garage knocked down, rebuilt, and the bathroom extended by 1.2m. The bad news is that the only quote I've been able to get is for $300,000. Might as well rebuild the whole house for that amount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 176

By oooooopss - 01/04/2012 06:44 - United States - Portland

Today, I got into my car and it wouldn't start. I noticed I had left the lights on and assumed the battery was dead. Then, I couldn't get my key out of the ignition. So, I called AAA only to have the guy put my car in park and start the engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 875

You deserved it 29 536

The pits

By stinkypits - 23/06/2020 14:00

Today, I started six weeks of radiation on my left axillary region. Besides not being able to shave my armpit, I also can’t use lotion of any kind near the area, nor wear deodorant. This wouldn’t be a problem except it’s summer and I live in Southern California. The sweat is killing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 119

By deewe - 13/05/2012 06:06 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I planned to go on a date with a man I met online. He came to my apartment to pick me up, and I told him I'd be right out as I grabbed my purse. When I got outside, he was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 341

You deserved it 4 386

By Moron with reflexes - 29/05/2019 06:03

Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 997

Tender moment between bros

By Pinguicula - 16/10/2024 16:00 - United States - New York

Today, I accompanied my dad to the airport for him to say goodbye forever to his childhood best friend. After their "dude goodbyes", right as they turned away, they started to whimper, did a sad squee-like sound, faced each other, then hugged and cried like kids. I have no idea if I should laugh, be sad, or get embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 705

Non-Nepo baby

By Anonymous - 01/06/2017 18:00

Today, my wife is threatening divorce because I won't hire her son, my stepson, at the company I work at. Even the lowest position at my company requires a degree in computing, and prior experience. My stepson dropped out of high school to "discover himself" 12 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 879

You deserved it 371

By crookedteeth - 27/08/2009 17:23 - United States

Today, for my birthday, my mom presented me with a $4,000 check to pay for my braces. I've been very self-conscious about my teeth for years. Everyone applauded and told me how happy they were for me. Later, my mom asked me for the check back. Apparently it was just meant to make her look good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 331

You deserved it 2 832

Slick

By Anonymous - 19/04/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my team, and at the end, we were all excited about a new project. I tried to be casual and give one of my coworkers a high-five, but he didn’t see me and started walking away. I awkwardly high-fived myself while hoping anyone else didn't see me either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 119

Gambit

By Chess'nt - 02/09/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, after a couple days of taking lessons after I decided to learn to play Chess as a hobby, I felt a bit better about my skill level than I was before. Then I got absolutely humbled by five different people. One of them actually said to me, "What Glass Joe is to Punch-Out, you are to chess." It's hard to not be discouraged after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 132

Yelp

By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 13:00

Today, I was fired from my job as a waitress, all because someone complained there was too much seasoning in their food. As I said, I'm a waitress. This happened the same week I was hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 932

You deserved it 133

Warming it up

By Erin - 02/01/2021 20:01

Today, I bought an expensive blanket to help warm up for the winter. Right after I put it on the bed, my dog jumped up and peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 181

Dirty business

By Anonymous - 08/11/2024 04:00 - Canada - Saint John

Today, while picking up dirty laundry I bolted up so fast that I broke my elbow. I sat in Urgent Care for 4 hours to be put in a sling at the same hospital I work at. I’m now stuck in a sling for who knows how long and it’s all because the towel rack impact was so hard it broke my elbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 97

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend by knocking on her door and kneeling in front of it. I forgot that her door opens outwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 1 195

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 895

You deserved it 5 529

Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 521

You deserved it 2 079

Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied, "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 477

You deserved it 7 100

Today, my roommate decided to throw a huge party in the early hours of the morning. I have to start at my new job soon, a window just got smashed, and I'm tired as hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 470

You deserved it 4 104

Today, I went to the grocery store and saw my ex with her new partner. I tried to hide from them, but ended up getting locked in the store after closing time. I had to call security to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 949