Your everyday life stories

redfire - 19/05/2016 16:48 - United States - Holyoke

Today, I got a fire ant in my eye, now it is swollen shut and I have to take my drivers test in an hour. FML

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ShitSituation - 19/05/2016 16:46 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my girlfriend and I have been feeding our dog some of those pig ear dog treats. Well I guess the dog must have a sensitive stomach, because I woke up at 2 am to a terrible stench, and a shit covered carpet. Guess who was up till 4 am cleaning it up? It's gonna be a long, tired day. FML.

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crazy - 19/05/2016 16:46 - United States - Houston

Today, I was mugged, by my step-dad, in my own home. My mom refuses to believe it and wants me to go live with my dad because I'm trying to "tear her marriage apart". FML

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wow - 19/05/2016 16:45 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me with my brother, when I confronted her she tried to make an excuse by saying "I thought it was you". I have blonde hair, he has dark black hair.

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pestcontrol - 19/05/2016 16:40 - United States - Houston

Today, I had gotten a call to go treat an apartment unit that was infested with bed bugs. The person who requested it left their alarm on so upon entry I set it off. I got written up and later found out I brought bed bugs home. They fired me for missing work. FML

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Loveroflife93 - 19/05/2016 16:37 - United States - Henderson

Today, I realized that for the next two years, I'm stuck living with a roommate that insults my friends, family, and calls me fat everyday..fml

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Almost-there - 19/05/2016 16:36 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I'm pregnant. Despite severe nausea, and constant dizzy spells, my university won't consider this extenuating circumstances. I threw up in the library, and failed to submit my last coursework on time. I ALMOST graduated with a 4.0 GPA. FML

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flossydot - 19/05/2016 16:26 - Australia - Kew

Today, my ex boyfriend messaged me saying he loves me. This is the third number I've had to block because he keeps getting new ones to message and ring me on. FML

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thatnewgirl - 19/05/2016 16:17 - United States

Today, it's been a few days sense I got my tongue pierced. I woke up this morning thinking my boyfriend was done laughing at me from my speech only to talk this morning and him laughing at me because now I sound Brittish.... FML

me - 19/05/2016 15:52 - United States - Huntington

Today, my mom told me that I was an accident. I was a birth control baby. FML.

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Banana_Lord - 19/05/2016 15:51 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I came back from breakfast to find I was locked out of my dorm room. After panicking, getting yelled at by the RA for being irresponsible, and making myself late for class, I realized that I had been trying to get into the wrong room. Mine was unlocked the whole time. FML

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Anonymous - 19/05/2016 15:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I have bigger boobs than my girlfriend FML

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NoMoreTacoBell - 19/05/2016 15:48 - United States - Washington

Today, I had an early doctors appointment near my college, which I commute to everyday. Wanting to save gas, I decided to wait for 4 hours around campus and in my car before my class started. When it was finally time to go to class, I got a notification that the class was cancelled. FML

Chancey Pants - 19/05/2016 15:46 - United States - Denton

Today, I had company coming over for a get together. We went upstairs to see my room only to find a strong smell of stale urine in the air. I thought it was my pet rats. Turns out I forgot to flush my toilet... And left the seat up. FML

Bearamber9210 - 19/05/2016 15:37 - United States

Today, I'm going thru a divorce. While trying out online dating, I realized the only person I matched with was my ex, who was apparently also trying out online dating. FML

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mushman - 19/05/2016 15:36 - United States - New York

Today, I was walking to work enjoying a beautiful morning in Manhattan. All of a sudden I tripped and fell on the sidewalk. Not a crack in the road or some garbage - but a fucking midget. I tripped over another person. FML!

brainless - 19/05/2016 15:07 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, my girlfriend finally agreed to marry me. My brain got confused between " be a happy man", and " die a happy man". It came out as "I can now buy a happy man". It's been 2 hours and she can't stop giggling. FML

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TheHeirofTime - 19/05/2016 15:06 - United States - Northborough

Today, I can out as transgender to my friend. They frowned and said, "If you're gay, just say so." FML

Ouch - 19/05/2016 14:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got so sick of people bumping into me at school when walking to classes that I yelled 'I'm not moving out the way for anyone anymore!' Straight after I said that I walked into a pole. Fml.

Well there goes my presentation - 19/05/2016 14:47 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, while giving an important presentation, my computer decided to BSOD on me. It proceeded to collect mini-dump data for 5 minutes, and repair itself for the next 5. Co-operates decided it was a good time to end the presentation. This was for my promotion. FML.

anonymous - 19/05/2016 14:43 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my fiance and I were having pretty rough sex when she screamed for me to stop. After rushing to the hospital the doctors say it's most likely a prolapsed organ. FML.

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not-fat - 19/05/2016 14:32 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I proudly told my mum that I'd lost 6kg over the last two and a half months, and showed her my slimmer figure. Instead of complimenting me, she responded by telling me I should loose my double chin next. FML

kidknuckle - 19/05/2016 13:55 - United States - Louisville

I called a girl I really liked to ask her to go to the movies with me, I was on the phone for 10 minutes with her before I finally got the nerve to ask, when I asked she replied “oh honey that would be great ill get her on the phone for you” I just asked out my crushes mom.

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KeyofDestinyXVII - 19/05/2016 13:32 - United States - Woodside

Today, I was having a conversation with my global history teacher from Greece. He wrote me up and tried to give me detention when I didn't refer to Macedonia as the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. FML

player20270 - 19/05/2016 13:28 - Brazil - Itapema

Today, I was emptying my bowels at work when the fire alarm went off. Let's just say my coworkers had an interesting, never seen before, view of me. FML

Notuptoit - 19/05/2016 13:21 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I stayed home from the vacation my family had planned for me and my lover. He said he had work, I stayed cause he said he'd still come over to see me. Just found out he's working all weekend, skipping school tomorrow to go to Disneyland with his friends. I was the one who bought his pass.FML

pikateat - 19/05/2016 13:13 - United States - Edison

Today, after preparing for this day for weeks, I got food poisoning from a chicken salad that caused me to stay home and miss my AP Environmental Science exam and a fundraising event that I was a keynote speaker in. I didn't even know food poisoning from a salad was possible. FML

A101 - 19/05/2016 13:02 - United States - Vonore

Today, in the middle of "fun time" my fiance stopped, with a freaked out look on his face. when I asked what was wrong he replied "there's this white stuff coming out of your vag." He thought it was "vag cancer." FML

imaginationland - 19/05/2016 12:56 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I went to a couple's pregnancy class with my wife. It was going "ok" until the instructor said, "now imagine your vagina". FML

BadluckBriggette - 19/05/2016 11:16 - United States - Salem

Today, my dad told me to get on the bus alone while he takes a shower. The bus shows up around 9:11 and I went out at 9:10. My dad's shower ended early and he yelled at me for missing the bus. He called me inside and yelled at me and I saw the bus go by during the rant, but he didn't believe me. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I had to explain to my boss that DVI ports are not the same as HDMI ports. When I showed him the HDMI cable, he said, "Oh! You mean USB!" He's an engineering manager. FML

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Today, I walked in on my brother having sex with the girl from next door, whom I’ve been in love with for years, but alas she isn’t a lesbian. She’s entitled to date whoever she likes, but my brother knows how I feel about her and seduced her anyway in our shared flat, which was a real douche move. FML

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Today, same-sex marriage is finally legal in my country. However, it's taken so long since I got engaged that our perfect wedding venue has gone out of business, and everywhere else is at least three times the price. FML

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Today, after mowing my neighbor's lawn for 3 years for free without being asked to, he finally came out while I was in the middle of it. Expecting a "Thank you" or some cash, he instead said, "You missed a spot" and walked back inside. FML

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Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

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Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

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