ALL FML

Countdown

By Anonymous - 27/05/2023 02:00 - Australia

Today, I took my regular shit, like clockwork. Same time, every single day. Unfortunately, that time is midnight. FML

agreeclassic 663

vote type 1 143

Who's the boss?

By m…… - 26/05/2023 12:00

Today, one of my managers explained to me, very slowly and loudly, what a pallet jack is for. I've been at the warehouse for 6 months now and was actively using a pallet jack at the time. FML

agreeclassic 709

vote type 1 106

Don't bet on it

By Anonymous - 26/05/2023 10:00

Today, and for a few days, I've been sick, vomiting, with fever from a stomach bug. I was in the middle of a figure skating competition when it happened. I had just won and was gearing up for day two. I also just lost a best friend after they asked me to throw the competition and I declined. FML

agreeclassic 794

vote type 1 97

Naturewatch

By thelarkscaw - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

agreeclassic 19 350

vote type 1 54 052

Gold digger

By Anonymous - 25/05/2023 21:00 - United States - Moscow

Today, I asked my boyfriend to help me with groceries, since the last of my money went to last week's groceries. His response was to start a fight, then tell me it's my fault my daughter acts the way she does, which is when he finally got me to break down and cry. I'm pregnant with his kid, and I also pay 90% of our bills. FML

agreeclassic 1 008

vote type 1 1 002

Or so you thought…

By Anonymous - 25/05/2023 21:00 - United States - Kenton

Today, my mom called me by the wrong name. This isn't the first time. It wouldn't be so bad, except I'm her only kid. FML

agreeclassic 757

vote type 1 98

He'll get used to it

By Anonymous - 26/05/2023 00:02

Today, I knew my husband was struggling mentally with being a new dad, but I had no idea how much until I found he had set an 18 year timer on his computer entitled, “Not long to go, you can make it!” Our son is only 6 days old. FML

agreeclassic 864

vote type 1 206

Piss off

By Anonymous - 25/05/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my horrible parents turned up to the restaurant I work at just to mess with me. Dad forgot his wallet, what a surprise, and asked me to pay the bill. I refused so my manager got involved. My dad got arrested, I got fired and might lose my lousy flat if I’m late on the rent. FML

agreeclassic 1 074

vote type 1 1 126

Pay attention

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

agreeclassic 29 659

vote type 1 3 236

/r/nothingeverhappens/

By Fuck off! - 25/05/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, I told a story about a new mother naming her daughter after the first thing she saw moments after she was born. The group admins accused me of lying, with absolutely zero proof, and deleted the post. The story is 100% true. My mother and I witnessed it with our own two eyes and ears. Fuck these people. FML

agreeclassic 659

vote type 1 212

Paging Taylor Swift

By Anonymous - 25/05/2023 15:00

Today, my mom ambushed me with my cheating ex-fiancé, thinking being in the same room would miraculously change the past and we’d get back together. When I tried to walk out, my mom screamed like a banshee and latched onto my leg. After this I’m putting her in a retirement home and never visiting. FML

agreeclassic 1 017

vote type 1 99

Don't know, don't care

By Fuck you too, Grandma - 25/05/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, my mom told me that on my graduation day, the reason she (and my dad) almost didn't show up was because they had to spend almost an hour convincing my grandma to attend. FML

agreeclassic 731

vote type 1 120

Welcome home!

By jeoak - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - India

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

agreeclassic 33 129

vote type 1 2 333

Don't back down, double down

By Anonymous - 25/05/2023 00:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and my heart is shattered to pieces. The worst part is we are supposed to go on vacation together in a week, and neither of us is backing out, or giving the other the room, so it looks like we’ll be staying together on vacation for 11 days straight. FML

agreeclassic 709

vote type 1 265

Bad Brains

By Anonymous - 25/05/2023 03:00

Today, I'm apparently on a "thinking ban." My wife and kids have banned me from starting any sentence with, “I think“ because it always leads to some sort of disaster, or accident, or expensive mistake, etc. So I'm no longer allowed to think because me thinking is dangerous for everybody. FML

agreeclassic 310

vote type 1 864

Bees, wasps, that sort of thing

By HURRY UP - 24/05/2023 17:02 - United States

Today, I was waiting in the car for my roommate to come outside so we could get to work. He was taking his sweet ass time. And there was a large wasp flying around. And I have a fear of bees. And the window refused to roll up. I sat there, frozen in fear, until he finally came out. FML

agreeclassic 506

vote type 1 233

You chose, you lose

By Momtobe2007 - 24/05/2023 22:00

Today, my parents told me that since I'm old enough to want to keep my baby, I have 30 days to find a place to live. I'm 15. FML

agreeclassic 673

vote type 1 1 437

Einstürzende Neubauten

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, the two government buildings on either side of my apartment both started renovations. It will be about two months of constant banging as they cut and put up the steel on both sites. FML

agreeclassic 3 960

vote type 1 323

You must conform!

By a disabled man with big hands - 24/05/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, my boss got mad at me for not wearing the gloves I'm provided at work. They're way too small, not to mention the fact that I have a disability which makes it even harder to put them on. What do you expect me to do? FML

agreeclassic 628

vote type 1 181

Needy old man

By Anonymous - 24/05/2023 20:00 - Australia

Today, it's been 3 days since my 95 year-old grandfather got a Vital Call (a big red button to call someone in an emergency). As I live close by, I'm one of the main contacts. I've been called over 6 times, most recently at 1:30 a.m. because he couldn't pull his pants up. He needs to be in a nursing home. FML

agreeclassic 812

vote type 1 107

Promises, promises

By Anonymous - 24/05/2023 10:00

Today, after my ex had promised his mother he’d give something from her estate to my kids when she died, so she never bothered to change her will to include them, and she died a few weeks ago so I asked him about it because my eldest is going to university soon. He laughed in my face and shut the door. FML

agreeclassic 724

vote type 1 315

Small world

By budapesthungary - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

agreeclassic 50 855

vote type 1 2 898

Telepathy?

By So tired - 24/05/2023 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my incredibly needy rescue cat - who knows she doesn't get to go into my bedroom at night - decided that she needed to wail and scratch the bedroom door from midnight until 5 a.m. Now that I'm awake, she's ignoring me because she knows I'm mad at her. FML

agreeclassic 569

vote type 1 388

F is for Family

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 23:02 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I had to break off all contact with my toxic ex and my even more toxic adult daughter, for my mental health and suicidal urges. My elderly parents, who don’t think mental health is a thing, not only took their side, they’re taking me out of their will and putting my daughter in. FML

agreeclassic 860

vote type 1 206

Get lost

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 15:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, a customer violently ranted how people in Latin America are "nothing but filth" compared to the “clean, civilized” people of "Anglo countries like Australia and New Zealand." All because I told him that flash photography is not permitted. If that’s not bad enough, the police were unwilling to do anything. FML

agreeclassic 770

vote type 1 156

Ninjas are everywhere

By Nancy - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came home and noticed that sometime while I was at school, someone had cut off half of my ponytail. FML

agreeclassic 45 635

vote type 1 4 598

I can't take it anymore

By genn - 23/05/2023 18:00

Today, I called into work because I was too tired to keep my eyes open. My boss berated me over the phone, saying I should be more like that other employee who came in with a broken toe. That was me. FML

agreeclassic 849

vote type 1 117

Occam's razor

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 15:00

Today, I had a seizure, and as they were loading me into the ambulance, drooling on myself, I clearly heard my mother ask the ambulance crew if they’d mind swinging by the church on the way to the hospital, you know, in case it turns out I’m not sick, just possessed by the devil. FML

agreeclassic 922

vote type 1 97

Mind your own business

By New CV and Tinder needed - 23/05/2023 12:00

Today, I got a harsh warning from my boss. I apologized because I was genuinely in the wrong. My girlfriend found out about it and sent my boss a message, threatening to kick her ass. I'm now suspended. Thanks babe. FML

agreeclassic 898

vote type 1 168

Elephants upstairs

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 10:00

Today, yet again, my upstairs neighbor can’t stop stomping. It’s troubling. There are random noises and thuds at 3 a.m. I've emailed the leasing office several times to no avail. I even told the leasing office that I didn't care if my neighbor has insomnia, I really don’t, I just have to be up at work by 6:00 a.m. every day. FML

agreeclassic 635

vote type 1 124

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I had to inform my son that no, his genital warts will not just go away on their own, and if he ever wants to have sex with a decent woman again, he’ll take his stupid self to the doctor and get treated. FML

agreeclassic 506

vote type 1 137

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the girl I’ve had a crush on for years. I was so nervous, I got confused and sent her a text meant for my best friend that said, "I’m about to ask her out. Pray I don’t puke on her." She responded with a laughing emoji and said, "You really need to work on your game." FML

agreeclassic 183

vote type 1 440

Today, my boyfriend bought me a vibrator for my birthday. Sounds sweet, right? Then he invited my 10/14-year-old cousins to our house. They surprised me in my room. While I was using it. FML

agreeclassic 3 569

vote type 1 788

Today, a guy told me I was hot and that I should give him a chance. When I told him I was straight, he instantly called me a bigot. FML

agreeclassic 5 590

vote type 1 398

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

agreeclassic 54 050

vote type 1 5 411

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me, a month after I'd proposed and she'd said yes. When asked why all of the sudden, she said her family disapproved of me, and I wasn't worth fighting for and potentially losing her father's love. FML

agreeclassic 1 528

vote type 1 146