All the FMLs

Stable

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 04:00 - United States - Asheboro

Today, after I bought a bedframe a few days ago that was up for sale with a sign next to it that said "The best you can ever find! Very supportive and stable!" guess what happened? It shattered into small splinters. I’m literally underweight, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 141

High expectations

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 08:00

Today, I was arguing with my husband how he has never told our son that he’s proud of him. Without missing a beat, he told me that when our son gets around to doing something he can be proud of, then he’ll tell him he’s proud of him. Our son is a university graduate and trainee doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 100

Get a load of this

By Zoro - 13/09/2023 21:00 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I had a wet fart with liquid in my underwear that I could smell. I let the one guy in front of me take the elevator so he wouldn't smell me. When the next empty elevator showed up, seven people started lining up behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 198

Nervous wreck

By jumpy - 14/09/2023 04:00

Today, I was literally startled by my own shadow. I hate having anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 163

Lawyer up

By human torch - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 029

You deserved it 6 405

Next time, wait a couple of years

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 00:02

Today, my boyfriend met my parents, siblings, and some other family members. Thirty minutes later, he broke up with me and stormed out, yelling no way was he staying with me because they’re all fucking psychotic. He's my second boyfriend driven away by my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 207

Not under my watch!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 22:00

Today, I told my dad I want to enlist in the army and he tried to lock me in my room. He did almost the same thing when I told him I wanted to do certain college courses to make it easier to become a police officer, only there was a lot more swearing and throwing of objects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 215

Wow, thanks, I'm unfatted

By Shellie - 13/09/2023 20:00

Today, after trying to report my coworkers for bullying me for being fat, HR seriously had the gall to say to not let it get to me and if I’m so bothered by it, then I should do something about it and improve my lifestyle. Apparently, “You can’t control people, but you can control your circumstances.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 488

Backfired

By Telemistake - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days… I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 452

You deserved it 70 226

The enforcer

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 16:00

Today my auntie who helps run a HOA sent me out on a quick errand to deliver some fines. Now I know why she didn’t want to go herself. Several fines were for one guy, one very large angry guy, who let his dog trap me in the garden while he yelled at me for 5 whole minutes until I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 217

I'm tired

By DramaticSigh - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 837

You deserved it 36 238

I'm fragile, OK?

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 10:00

Today, I lost a tooth and got my jaw wired shut after my toddler managed to break my jaw by whacking me with a plastic toy. Hello at least 8 weeks of being unable to talk while only eating meals that have been thoroughly blitzed into a liquid form first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 135

The Last Stylebender

By Gerard - 13/09/2023 08:00

Today, I found out my roommate gambled his portion of the rent money on Israel Adesanya. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 92

Mission impossible

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 12:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my manager forced me to call the guy she fired a few weeks ago, and grovel shamelessly to him to come back to work, and that I'd better convince him to return, or else. The problem is, not only does he hate my manager's guts, he's now working a godsend job in Japan, which pays 4 times as much, and gave him a car and a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 90

Parasite

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 04:00

Today, and since we've had our baby, my mother-in-law started coming round more often, then bringing her stuff to stay overnight, then started claiming she lived here, and got hysterical when we told her she doesn’t. I had to pick her up and place her outside while she punched me in the head repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 108

Major headache

By Emily 1992 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, and for the past 3 days, I've had a massive migraine. It finally went away while I was at work, thanks to my nose bleeding all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 300

You deserved it 188

Classic nice guy rhetoric

By Anonymous - 13/09/2023 00:02

Today, the girl I like would rather meet potential partners online, some in different states, and wonders why nothing works out. Apparently the guy who took her on dates, AKA me, is just friend material. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 830

Living beyond your means

By Anonymous - 12/09/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that despite having a full-time job I must really be failing at this adulting business, because I called my dad and the first words out of his mouth were, "I’m not sending you any more money." I do borrow money a lot, and yes I was about to ask for more. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 1 065

Next time, I'll just ignore you

By stoopidRUnner - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was running by a school and saw that a deer had caught his antlers in the fence. I felt bad for it so I tried to help it free. Finally, he became unstuck. Then he rammed his antlers into my hip. Now I can't run in the marathon I have been training for a year to race in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 315

You deserved it 13 688

Alexa, play "Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode

By Dog PTSD - 12/09/2023 08:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my roommate finally moved out yesterday, so I got to experience my first night without the ticking time bomb that is his dogs. I still woke up at the exact time when they would always bark for no reason, apparently out of habit. For the record, that time is around 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 106

Judge Judy

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: + 1. About an hour later, I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: - 200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 972

You deserved it 2 940

Afraid of the dark

By Katie - 12/09/2023 10:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I went to the restroom at work, but I forgot the press on the button/timer because the lights were already on, then the lights turned off while I was in the stall. I had to finish my business and exit the pitch-black restroom while trying not to bump into anything or anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 208

Control freak

By fred - 12/09/2023 07:30

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that you can't see a guy you've hooked up with "like a brother." It's not even the first girlfriend I've had to explain this to. Block him or I block you and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 750

Just like starting over

By Folding money - 12/09/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I was at Aldi when I realized I'd left my wallet at home. I tried to convince the cashier to let me pay with an IOU, but they just gave me a skeptical look and said, "This isn't the 1880s, dude." I had to leave my cart of groceries and walk out empty-handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 1 570

Bullies on the bus

By TheodoreFinches - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, on the bus ride home from work, two women behind me kept pulling my hair. I turned around and told them to, "cut it out." When I got home, I realized they'd took it literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 688

You deserved it 1 678

Misophonist or misogynist?

By Knot in my throat - 12/09/2023 00:02

Today, my boyfriend said to me, in front of his friends, “Can you stop breaking out into song all the time? It’s getting really annoying.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 886

Osmosis

By brazo667 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fort Stewart

Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "Zoinks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 011

You deserved it 5 993

RIP

By Anon - 11/09/2023 17:00 - New Zealand

Today, while on a nature hike with friends. I tried to take a selfie at the edge of a cliff with the majestic view as a backdrop, but I slipped and dropped my phone. It's now RIP (resting in pieces) at the bottom of a ravine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 1 136

Out of the frying pan, into the fire

By Anonymous - 11/09/2023 15:01

Today, I've been home from prison for over a week, I still don't have a job or a vehicle, and my mom keeps checking my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 1 639

Nolongeracriminal tells us more.

Nolongeracriminal 16

Monday 11 September 2023 14:55

OP here. I have since received an offer, took it, then had multiple offers at other places. Things are working out on this end. Been working all my hours plus some and got a truck. Making a come up after spending 7 years in the clink. Thanks for all the support guys/gals!!! 🙏

A little stiff and rusty

By Footloose - 11/09/2023 14:30

Today, I went for a run to get in shape for the first time in ages. I put on my running shoes and hit the pavement. Halfway through, the sole of one shoe came off, and I had to hobble back home in embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 116

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Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, something smelled absolutely disgusting in the bathroom. Like cow shit and stinky beetles. I started sniffing around, because whatever it was, I had to find it and clean it up. That, however, proved difficult, because it turned out that smell was coming from the new soap my mom had bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 195

Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 426

You deserved it 5 355

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 926

You deserved it 4 883

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 858

You deserved it 6 491

Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 145

Today, I complimented a girl on her stockings pattern. Turns out she wasn't wearing stockings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 726

You deserved it 8 616