ALL FML

He had it coming

By Anonymous - 19/09/2023 22:00

Today, I found out why my son has been working out and taking martial arts classes. It was so he could beat his stepbrother up and put him in the hospital, as revenge for stealing his secret cash supply, over £4000. I'm too old and too tired for this. FML

agreeclassic 595

vote type 1 478

Great party in here

By NotRossFromFriends - 19/09/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, I went to a costume party dressed as a giant inflatable dinosaur. I got stuck in the elevator and had to be deflated to get out. FML

agreeclassic 345

vote type 1 549

The Usain Bolt method

By theultimatesalonfail - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML

agreeclassic 43 448

vote type 1 3 268

Man's best friend

By Larry - 19/09/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I went for a long hike in the woods, just me and my best friend, a Tibetan Mastiff called Flea. While trying to take a selfie with a beautiful view as a backdrop, I tripped over one of her huge paws, rolled down a hill, and landed in a pile of what I hope was just mud. FML

agreeclassic 543

vote type 1 282

Manage your expectations

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years asked my dad if he could marry me, and my dad agreed. He then tells me that he's not going to propose for maybe another year at least, he "just wanted to get that out of the way." FML

agreeclassic 32 622

vote type 1 3 783

Dating sucks

By Anonymous - 19/09/2023 10:00

Today, my latest date ended so badly that I was back home by 8 p.m., drunk on cheap wine, and screaming at myself in the mirror, “What is wrong with you?” FML

agreeclassic 340

vote type 1 580

To show you my love

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 23:00 - United States - Monterey

Today, after waiting 3 weeks so she wouldn't be too stressed after being shipped, I was finally able to handle my snake for the first time. As I went to pick her up, I noticed she's about to shed and so is temporarily super stressed by any movement nearby, let alone contact. Here's to another week of waiting. FML

agreeclassic 285

vote type 1 611

Sneaky

By Where should I go - 19/09/2023 04:00

Today, me, my sister, and my boyfriend all live together. It’s time to renew the lease. They used this as an opportunity to let me know that they’ve fallen in love and I will not be on the new lease. Our parents died in a car accident last year and I have no other family who will take me in. My sister knows this. FML

agreeclassic 1 241

vote type 1 121

Don't shoot the messenger

By ........................... - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

agreeclassic 53 563

vote type 1 6 301

A bit of a Karen

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 18:02 - United States - Yonkers

Today, my wife, who has been unemployed for over two years, had a $415k job offer rescinded, all because the hiring manager thinks she might be a Karen (Yes, she is). My job contract ended last month, so we have no income. FML

agreeclassic 757

vote type 1 213

Decoding

By Anonymous - 19/09/2023 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I figured out my girlfriend's mother has various nicknames for me. My girlfriend and her family are from Poland and speak on the phone in their native tongue, but they don’t know I’ve been learning the language either. I heard her call me “idiot”, “loser”, “moron” and various other “nicknames” multiple times. FML

agreeclassic 851

vote type 1 125

Less haste, more speed

By D J's MOM - 18/09/2023 20:00

Today, at 11 p.m., after getting up for work at 4:45 a.m., I ran up the stairs to go feed my cat. I slipped on something, missed the handrail, then fell down and cracked my head on the tile floor. My hairclip was dead center, so I then had a fun night in the ER while my dang head wouldn't stop bleeding. FML

agreeclassic 703

vote type 1 124

No good deed and all that

By Sam - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, on the way to an exam, I saw a car accident happen. I stopped, helped the woman who was injured, and waited for the paramedics. I was late to school, the teacher didn't buy my excuse, and I failed the exam. It was an exam to test my first aid skills. FML

agreeclassic 78 803

vote type 1 4 409

Side effected

By AMDKilla - 18/09/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I was diagnosed with a chest infection and given antibiotics to take. One of the side effects of the antibiotics is diarrhea. I haven't coughed once throughout the infection, but I sneezed just as I was ready to go out to the shops and now I need fresh underwear. FML

agreeclassic 693

vote type 1 102

Under pressure

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 14:00

Today, I told my boyfriend of five months that it's time he stopped fighting for custody with his baby mama, and to start focusing more on my kids, whom he said he would take responsibility for. He responded by telling me to pack my things, saying we should all leave. FML

agreeclassic 123

vote type 1 3 042

Slip of the tongue

By Just Awkward - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

agreeclassic 4 924

vote type 1 1 557

Bizarre love square

By Lucky - 18/09/2023 10:00

Today, after almost 20 years of celibacy, a beautiful young woman surprisingly took interest in me, and we get along great. My close female friend, who I did once have feelings for, but who always made it clear she'd never see me "in that way" is having a full-blown emotional breakdown. Well, according to her husband anyway. FML

agreeclassic 915

vote type 1 129

How could you?

By Arya Keshri - 18/09/2023 08:00

Today, it's been 3 months since I agreed to my mom's suggestion that we send my dog for training. I just found out that she never sent him for training, but sold him to someone. FML

agreeclassic 1 007

vote type 1 113

When Stranger Danger goes feral

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was beaten up by a random dude for trying to pick my own son up from school. I'm pasty white, my wife is black, and our son was visibly born black, so I was beaten up for attempted kidnapping, and it’s not the first time it’s happened. FML

agreeclassic 1 083

vote type 1 141

Royal flush

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 04:00

Today, I'm exhausted. My antidepressants ran out, making me overreact to everything. My friends dragged me into really childish drama, resulting in me ditching them. Then my work laptop broke on the most important day of my project. Then I got my first break from work in about a year… and woke up with COVID. FML

agreeclassic 764

vote type 1 161

Heckler hell

By katie876 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a band concert and my mum got kicked out. She screamed "BORING!" in the middle of it. FML

agreeclassic 31 736

vote type 1 3 561

Needs a follow up

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 00:02

Today, I was told the reason for me getting evicted without notice is because I unnecessarily threw a fit that the dog my roommate got wasn't the one I wanted. I pointed out my anaphylaxis to my landlord and she asked, "That’s hypochondria, right?" I’m still getting evicted without notice. FML

agreeclassic 678

vote type 1 160

Another one bites the dust

By Anonymous - 17/09/2023 22:00

Today, I had to leave my boyfriend because he was unfaithful. This is the third time in as many years. I'm starting to think I have "Cheat on me" written on my face. FML

agreeclassic 734

vote type 1 190

Failson

By Anonymous - 17/09/2023 20:00

Today, I gave my son a job as a shelf stacker in one of my stores. He is in his thirties and is so dumb that he has been fired from every other job for incompetence. I don’t want him to starve or lose his flat, but I also couldn’t give him an important job in case he screwed it up. FML

agreeclassic 667

vote type 1 201

Hawkeye

By hatesurf - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Peru

Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writing a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him, I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard, and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML

agreeclassic 61 103

vote type 1 10 182

Missed the point

By Anonymous - 17/09/2023 16:00

Today, after working all day to make a big vegan meal for my family, hoping it would get them to become vegans as well, my brother thought it appropriate to pass around a block of cheese for everyone to grate over the pasta dish. FML

agreeclassic 192

vote type 1 1 806

Sounds like a win, somehow

By George - 17/09/2023 14:00

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to shrimp, when I went out for a lunch with my long-term crush after I finally got the courage to ask her out. She's really into seafood. A little while into the afternoon I started to feel itchy. She ended up scratching my back all night. FML

agreeclassic 687

vote type 1 143

Nice try, Mom

By Agirl - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - El Cerrito

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

agreeclassic 34 584

vote type 1 2 914

Put some steel toe boots on

By TheMadKian - 17/09/2023 10:00

Today, I went to shut the door and ended up banging my toe on my guitar stand; then, as I was getting a snack out of a closet, I banged my toe again on the drawer and now I can't walk. FML

agreeclassic 449

vote type 1 274

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 17/09/2023 06:00

Today, I realized that my new house is next to an elementary school playground. I figured this out after I kept hearing loud high pitched screaming when the kids had recess from inside my house. My sensory issues are already thanking me. FML

agreeclassic 291

vote type 1 807

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving Roast Duck I would be serving Roast Fuck. FML

agreeclassic 23 134

vote type 1 44 826

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

agreeclassic 35 842

vote type 1 5 909

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

agreeclassic 54 146

vote type 1 10 631

Today, there's a new freshman at my school that looks exactly like me. Whenever we see her, my friends shout "Twinzies!" I don't have anything against her, but I'm bummed because I'm a male senior. FML

agreeclassic 21 640

vote type 1 1 855

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

agreeclassic 33 244

vote type 1 9 557

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

agreeclassic 25 284

vote type 1 1 548