ALL FML

Great timing!

By Nathan - 28/10/2024 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got back from a holiday to find that my coworkers had prepared a “Welcome Back!” surprise. I pretended to be excited, only for them to awkwardly whisper that it was intended for another coworker, who was on her way back from maternity leave the same morning. FML

agreeclassic 446

vote type 1 148

I'm fine, this is fine

By Anonymous - 28/10/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was at the gym, feeling pretty proud of myself for working out consistently for the past month. As I was about to grab a towel, I tripped and landed face-first into a pile of gym mats. People turned to look, and all I could do was try to laugh it off through the pain of what turned out to be a sprained ankle. FML

agreeclassic 421

vote type 1 103

Game over

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML

agreeclassic 29 729

vote type 1 2 009

Hey big spender!

By Haley - 27/10/2024 21:00 - United States - Great Bend

Today, I opened some junk mail addressed to my fiancé and saw a credit letter about applying for a new mortgage. When I called to tell him his identity was stolen, he admitted he bought a house, and then broke up with me. I had no clue he was unhappy. FML.

agreeclassic 585

vote type 1 148

LET ME IIIIIIIIIIN

By Wtfacebook - 27/10/2024 18:00 - United States - Steele

Today, after two weeks of not being able to log into my Facebook account, I received a prompt to change my password. I interpreted this as them saying that I was hacked, and they had simply shut it down to avoid problems, so I did. It still won't let me in. FML

agreeclassic 345

vote type 1 153

Suit yourself, but I know what I'm talking about

By Anonymous - 27/10/2024 22:00 - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, a colleague told me not to "tell him how to do his job." I used to have his position three years ago, and he took over from me. FML

agreeclassic 253

vote type 1 394

Many such cases

By sadlife - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I changed my Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship." The girl is made up and the picture is from Google. FML

agreeclassic 13 617

vote type 1 59 597

Social gatherings make me nervous

By Dog lady - 27/10/2024 18:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to a friend's wedding and was seated at a table with a bunch of strangers. To break the ice, I told a funny story about my dog. Turns out one of the guests is an animal behaviorist and spent the next hour explaining how I’ve been raising him all wrong. Thanks for the unsolicited advice during cocktail hour. FML

agreeclassic 452

vote type 1 210

Pizzagate

By Drama - 27/10/2024 15:00 - United States - Miami

Today, after I'd decided to give online dating another shot and I matched with someone who seemed interesting, during our actual date our conversation quickly devolved into a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. I ended up blocking her after she sent me a thesis on the subject. FML

agreeclassic 167

vote type 1 489

Masking off

By Anonymous - 27/10/2024 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, I moved in with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own. I now pay 100% of the bills and can't leave because I can't save to replace my stolen/totaled car. I also can't drop my mask at home because 33 is apparently to old to be autistic, and I'm so tired and burnt out. I'm also not allowed to sleep. FML

agreeclassic 578

vote type 1 152

Don't hate the player… Oh wait

By Anonymous - 27/10/2024 04:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, and for the past two years, I've been hosting a fairly successful Dungeons And Dragons podcast. However, ever since we brought a new player into the group, we've lost almost half of our listeners, and thanks to that, we lost our sponsorships too. FML

agreeclassic 479

vote type 1 165

Thanks, I hate it!

By Dimples - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Sanford

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

agreeclassic 38 904

vote type 1 3 534

Take it seriously

By Sis in crisis - 27/10/2024 03:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, I had to temporarily block my brother from calling me because every day for the last week or two he has called me just to yell, "THEY ARE EATING THE DOGS! THEY ARE EATING THE CATS!" before hanging up. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

agreeclassic 424

vote type 1 146

Happy dance

By Anonymous - 26/10/2024 17:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, at work, I was on the toilet for so long the motion lights turned off. I stood up, pants around my ankles and began waving my arms above the stall to get them to turn on again. At that exact moment, my boss walked in. FML

agreeclassic 339

vote type 1 156

Autumn vibes

By Robbo - 26/10/2024 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, I went for a jog to enjoy the fall weather. I tripped over a tree root and fell face-first into a pile of leaves. As I tried to get up, a bunch of kids had gathered to laugh, and one even shouted something about, “A grown-ass man playing in the leaves!” FML

agreeclassic 365

vote type 1 99

Here, have this

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML

agreeclassic 54 898

vote type 1 4 924

Out of the frying pan into a similar frying pan

By NervousDog - 26/10/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, they're jackhammering through concrete walls at my workplace in order to build an addition. I'm allowed to work from home… but I live right next to where they're jackhammering down a concrete garage. FML

agreeclassic 414

vote type 1 72

Oi! Get back here!

By Anonymous - 26/10/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, while having lunch on a pier, I tried to take an artsy photo of my food for Instagram. Just as I was about to snap the pic, a seagull swooped in and snatched my chips right out of the paper bag in my hand. I didn't even get a photo of the robbery. FML

agreeclassic 118

vote type 1 622

The elite

By Anonymous - 26/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I had my pill check and the nurse cautioned me that my BMI says I'm obese. I'm an elite powerlifter and my weight is this high on purpose. FML

agreeclassic 460

vote type 1 145

No time to mess around

By ArkansasConspiracy - 26/10/2024 02:00 - United States - Cabot

Today, I learned that I'm not registered to vote. Apparently filling out the form and signing it in the county clerk's office was no guarantee and I was supposed to follow up until I received mail confirmation. It's now too late to fix. FML

agreeclassic 459

vote type 1 115

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend and best friend decided to "help" by assembling my new front porch while I was away. Ecstatic, they displayed their handiwork. It's charming how the porch is precariously balanced, it leans in such a way that it appears it will fall over if you walk through the front door. FML

agreeclassic 40 772

vote type 1 3 569

Green fingers

By Pauline - 26/10/2024 03:00 - Canada

Today, three weeks after I finally tried my hand at gardening by planting a bunch of herbs and was so proud of my work, I found out that I had actually been watering weeds this whole time. My herbs were actually the things I was trying to eliminate. FML

agreeclassic 130

vote type 1 436

Just another cog

By Really?!? - 25/10/2024 18:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, the director of the library was introducing me to the new HR person. She told the HR person that I'd been working here for 5 years. Actually, I've been working here for 19 years, and had been working here for 3 years before she got hired. FML

agreeclassic 476

vote type 1 64

Crossed wires

By Anonymous - 25/10/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, as a good friend, I went to pick up my buddy from the airport. I arrived at the wrong terminal and waited for an hour before realizing he had landed an hour earlier at the other terminal. By the time I found his whereabouts, he'd already taken an Uber home. FML

agreeclassic 135

vote type 1 472

Silver linings

By HoobidibooFox - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Coseley

Today, I found out the one good thing about having fat rolls: when someone walks in on you sitting on the toilet, they hide your private parts. FML

agreeclassic 31 864

vote type 1 6 550

The biohazard next door

By seriously - 25/10/2024 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, no matter how many times I've asked, my dumbass neighbor can't get into the habit of regularly picking up after her six dogs. Her backyard is covered in shit with probably just inches between each pile or log. This means the wind blows the smell of shit in the direction of my house. I can't open a window. FML

agreeclassic 468

vote type 1 78

Wonky logic

By Anonymous - 25/10/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I got my ass beat by some kid in my grade. The reason I was targeted? The superintendent, aka my idiot father, suspended him for defending himself in another fight. The kid told me it's not personal, he needed to prove a point that our school doesn't do shit about bullying, As much as I agree with him… FML

agreeclassic 568

vote type 1 90

You fool

By Anonymous - 25/10/2024 12:00 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, my wife and I both spent a weekend away separately with our close friends. However, we ran into each other, unplanned, at the airport. She was with her girls and I was with my girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 61

vote type 1 1 748

Computer says no

By Chad - 25/10/2024 09:00 - Belgium

Today, I heard back from my dream job! I was declined by the computer system because I didn't include whether I was full-time or part-time. I work in a different department at the same place, and as part of the required documents I had included my pay records showing that I am a full-time employee of 12 years. FML

agreeclassic 498

vote type 1 100

He's doing fine

By SplitMind95 - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I was on Tinder and only one girl matched with me. She gave me a "Super-Like" so I thought she must want to get to know each other and see what happens. Nope. She recognized me as the guy who adopted the stray cat she was taking care of last year, and just wanted to know how he was doing. FML

agreeclassic 13 791

vote type 1 1 402

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I'm a host at a restaurant. We had a birthday party for a couple of 15 year old boys and their friends. I went to clean the bathroom at the end of my shift and discovered cake everywhere, including all over the urinal. They were even nice enough to draw a smiley on the mirror with icing. FML

agreeclassic 29 328

vote type 1 2 469

Today, I was texting at work when my manager walked in. I quickly dropped my phone in the garbage to avoid trouble. Since I was working so hard, she decided to do me a favor and throw the trash out for me. FML

agreeclassic 11 057

vote type 1 56 139

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

agreeclassic 25 565

vote type 1 10 199

Today, I was hanging out with a guy friend I hadn't seen for ages. The sexual tension was off the charts. We were making out and think were progressing, hands were roaming to both nether regions when I freaked out and blurted out, "But aren't we just friends?" We then sat and watched TV. FML

agreeclassic 6 879

vote type 1 12 907

Today, I sliced my finger open on a blender while removing a sticker that said, “Sharp blade, remove carefully”. I wouldn’t have gone near the blade if it weren’t for the stupid warning sticker that needed to be removed to use it. FML

agreeclassic 998

vote type 1 224

Today, I passed out when my blood sugar dropped. Three times. And each time, my roommate, who was right next to me, just let me fall because he liked the way my face looked. FML

agreeclassic 38 721

vote type 1 4 690