ALL FML

The fun police has arrived

By shonfyr - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Spain

Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML

agreeclassic 41 351

vote type 1 10 267

Rock n roll!

By Anonymous - 09/10/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I had my first gig with my new band. I was concentrating on my guitar during the second song when I tripped over the singer's microphone cable, hit my head on the bass drum, and blacked out. When I came to, people were applauding, apparently thinking it was part of the act. FML

agreeclassic 361

vote type 1 127

Good for you

By Fergie - 08/10/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I got my first big promotion at work. Excited, I shared the news with my parents. My mom responded with, "That’s nice, dear, but your sister just got engaged," and hung up to go back to celebrating with her. FML

agreeclassic 503

vote type 1 117

Disconnected

By Chrissy - 08/10/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was having a romantic dinner with my girlfriend when she said she had a confession. I expected something cute. Instead, she told me she’s been "reconnecting" with her ex for the past month... and wants to go back to him. FML

agreeclassic 555

vote type 1 66

Leave me alone

By notgivingup - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to serve my boyfriend's father with a restraining order. FML

agreeclassic 26 215

vote type 1 2 085

Sightseeing

By Anonymous - 08/10/2024 16:00 - France - Paris

Today, it's been five days since I finally made it to my dream vacation destination, after months of planning, saving, and dreaming. I got food poisoning within hours of arriving and I've spent the last five days in my hotel room, staring at a toilet. FML

agreeclassic 496

vote type 1 84

Terms and conditions may apply

By Anonymous - 08/10/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I learned that if you lay your cellphone on the table at a restaurant, it is not their responsibility if the server pours coffee all over it. FML

agreeclassic 289

vote type 1 362

Cars these days…

By Kevin - 08/10/2024 12:00 - Canada - Ottawa–Gatineau

Today, my relatively new car locked down, with my keys inside of it, while it was still running. In a panic because it was getting dark and I was already low on fuel, I called a locksmith. He showed up and told me he needed to see some ID before unlocking the car. My ID was in the car. FML

agreeclassic 433

vote type 1 115

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 08/10/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent a good few minutes watching my wife thrash our son with a pillow because despite all our warnings to him about safe sex, he and his girlfriend are going to be parents in about 6 months, and they’re both 16. FML

agreeclassic 567

vote type 1 120

Axe to grind

By Hope his parents are proud. - 07/10/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, at my workplace, I caught a kid trying to break into my boss's car, as well as my own. After warning him that I'd call the police if I caught him again, he left. Then, after I got home, I heard weird noises right outside my door. It was him again, trying to break into my house. FML

agreeclassic 500

vote type 1 97

Naptime

By Celeste - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

agreeclassic 36 013

vote type 1 3 334

Overly enthusiastic

By Dan the man - 08/10/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I excitedly got ready for my first day at my new job. I arrived on time, dressed up, only to find out they meant next Monday, not today. My new boss just gave me a weird look and said, "See you next week?" FML

agreeclassic 385

vote type 1 159

Strike!

By anon - 07/10/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the reason my husband has been coming home late isn’t because of extra work. It’s because he joined a bowling league... and didn’t want me on the team. FML

agreeclassic 387

vote type 1 177

Dodged a bullet

By Newly single - 07/10/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who never gives a dime to homeless people, donated half his paycheck to the victims of Hurricane Helene, saying that "Biden has left them to die" because they're "poor white people." Nice to know he's not just a cheap ass, but a racist conspiracy theorist as well. FML

agreeclassic 475

vote type 1 379

Buzzkill

By ouch - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Nashville

Today, for the fifth time since my parents got divorced, my father has decided he doesn't want to pick me up for his weekend because I'm "too responsible to have fun with." FML

agreeclassic 45 641

vote type 1 6 190

There's still hope, then?

By Anonymous - 07/10/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, my abusive ex came over to my apartment, hoping to "work things out." Not only did we break up more than 13 years ago, but I moved to a different state just to get away from him. FML

agreeclassic 606

vote type 1 71

Love is love

By Taylor505 - 07/10/2024 08:00 - United States - Ocala

Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 429

vote type 1 104

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 07/10/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I asked my uber-religious parents what they would do if, hypothetically, they found out one of their closest friends was an atheist. The immediate response: "Forcibly try to convert them, and completely cut all ties if they don't accept." Guess I'll remain a closeted atheist for the rest of my life. FML

agreeclassic 538

vote type 1 140

Way too transparent

By Louise - 07/10/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I got a friend of mine, who I also like, a present for his birthday. When I gave him the present, he winced and told me, “Thanks, this is sweet and all, but I only like you as a friend.” I haven’t even told him how I felt or anything. FML

agreeclassic 434

vote type 1 172

All cars look the same these days

By Anonymous - 07/10/2024 06:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I hopped into what I thought was my friend’s car, sat down, and started chatting away about the trip to Vegas we were about to hit the road for. After a few moments of awkward silence, I looked up to see a terrified stranger staring at me. I was very close to getting maced. FML

agreeclassic 124

vote type 1 529

Parasocial

By NotJessePinkmanFFS - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Norwalk

Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went up to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML

agreeclassic 24 115

vote type 1 2 379

Teacher's pet

By Justcomeinlate - 07/10/2024 01:00 - Turkey

Today, I decided to show up to my new class an hour early, to be able to choose my seat, and figure out how the computer lab works… only to find out that the lab was locked and I had to wait until the professor unlocked it. FML

agreeclassic 147

vote type 1 488

Be careful what you wish for

By Anonymous - 06/10/2024 16:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, after I quit a career job in my 30s for job in natural medicine, 100s of thousands in student debt, it's not as lucrative as I thought. No health insurance, savings, or pension. My midlife friends are on autopilot to retiring. I'm just praying I don't get sick so I can work until my 80s and die. Apparently not the best choice, and sucks to think about. FML

agreeclassic 160

vote type 1 725

Apex predator

By PaulineIsHere - 06/10/2024 20:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I bought my cat a catnip-filled toy that's shaped like a fish. He pounced on it, wrestled with it, and then got so scared of it for no reason that he dashed full speed into the wall. FML

agreeclassic 340

vote type 1 128

How lovely

By Lisa - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Bayside

Today, my boyfriend told me that the main reason he was dating me was because he was intimidated by pretty girls. FML

agreeclassic 29 488

vote type 1 2 431

You can't explain that

By Anonymous - 06/10/2024 16:00 - Sweden - Lidingoe

Today, I was explaining a complex work issue to my team. I moved my chair back so I could see them all. The leg of my chair went into a hole in the floor, causing it to fall over and me with it. I tried to finish explaining but everyone was laughing so hard they couldn't hear. Then they realized I couldn't get up. FML

agreeclassic 371

vote type 1 104

It's sus to us

By Left in the Dark - 06/10/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I noticed my 35 year-old boyfriend is starting to take an interest in my 19 year-old sister. They increasingly spend time together and he talks about her all the time like a little boy in love. When I discussed boundaries, he had a fit about how he can have friends and abruptly ended our 4 year relationship. FML

agreeclassic 610

vote type 1 127

You do you, boo

By Anonymous - 06/10/2024 12:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I had to sit in silence at a restaurant table as my friends ripped into the Tesla Cybertruck and laughed about how "shit and cringe" it is. I was silent because I couldn't bring myself to defend it, even though I think they're pretty cool, and I actually want one. FML

agreeclassic 84

vote type 1 762

Nice day for a walk

By Anonymous - 06/10/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, I waved at a baby in a stroller whilst walking past a pub's beer garden. The baby didn't wave back. Instead, the 'mum' turned around and said, 'Why are you waving at my bag?' I then realised that it wasn't a baby stroller, just a big purse with a blanket over it. FML

agreeclassic 139

vote type 1 399

We meet again

By Anonymous - 06/10/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I saw my old high school crush in a grocery store. I panicked, because the last time I saw her, I was spouting embarrassing teenage incel horseshit at her, so I dodged out of view to look at something. She'd seen me, came over, and found me awkwardly crouched in the vegetable section, staring at a cucumber. FML

agreeclassic 96

vote type 1 615

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I felt like working out again since it’s been a while. When I was done and talking to my wife about how good I felt afterwards, my 3 year-old came and patted my stomach and said, "Baby in there, baby in there." Yes, I feel so good. FML

agreeclassic 823

vote type 1 174

Today, my crush has been acting weird around me with his best friend. He's been totally avoiding me. I talked to his best friend and I asked about the vibe change, and if they're mad at me. He acted a little surprised and casually said, "No… I mean I did shit-talk you for like two hours yesterday, but other than that we're chill." FML

agreeclassic 476

vote type 1 125

Today, my mother got remarried. I am now officially older than my step-father. FML

agreeclassic 51 713

vote type 1 3 151

Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML

agreeclassic 3 765

vote type 1 284

Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML

agreeclassic 34 432

vote type 1 2 896

Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

agreeclassic 40 910

vote type 1 4 303