The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

By IneedMaury - 16/06/2014 15:30 - United States - Lowell

Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 470

You deserved it 6 311

By thatisfuckedup - 13/06/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 466

You deserved it 3 889

By medstudent - 04/02/2009 21:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 463

You deserved it 9 963

By Liz - 01/07/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 462

You deserved it 5 257

Brave

By :// - 04/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 461

You deserved it 5 856

By Anonymous - 21/09/2009 09:35 - Australia

Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 458

You deserved it 3 129

By 94lbs of muscle - 02/10/2013 18:37

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 456

You deserved it 3 374

By yes i meant ex-boyfriend - 18/01/2014 21:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 455

You deserved it 5 820

Snooper hack

By Yazzy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen of everything I say and do on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 451

You deserved it 8 127

By fmlgirl - 25/04/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 442

You deserved it 11 844

By justdoingmyjob - 18/07/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an internship program. Seated directly in front of him during his presentation on the budget crisis, he unleashed an enormous, foul fart in front of the entire audience. And then blamed it on me, everyone believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 428

You deserved it 3 139

By prostitutes boyfriend - 21/10/2011 14:55 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 423

You deserved it 4 406

Exhaustion

By Shell - 05/03/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I was working at Chuck-E-Cheese. If that isn't enough, I was put in the mouse costume. Due to the disgusting hot smell and atmosphere in the costume, I fainted in front of a birthday party. I awoke to a little boy screaming who then kicked me in the face and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 419

You deserved it 4 425

Wanker

By bongoboy - 25/04/2009 07:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was staying with my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum which made me wince in slight pain. At the same time, my grandma was walking by in the corridor, so she stopped to say, "Don't wank in my bathroom you sicko!" Now my grandma thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 410

You deserved it 6 250

Got the sniffles

By Jizzyface - 29/12/2013 12:36 - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Spicy

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 402

You deserved it 28 907

By Lemurcat - 11/12/2013 16:56 - United States - Ventura

Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 396

You deserved it 5 226

Lemurcat tells us more.

Lemurcat 12

Wednesday 11 December 2013 19:40

I did not expect this to get published! Just to fill you guys in a bit, I did check the buses before leaving home since I just moved here the day before. I like to double check because my memory is poor so I did ask the bus driver, but she said she didn't go to that perticular bus stop (the bus stop near my house for those who are wondering, and yes, she did stop there, she was just confused because I didn't know the streets and was describing landmarks) and she kinda just blew me off. So I was standing around, confused like an idiot and this guy told me to take bus 6. He sounded like he was legitamently trying to help, and I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so stupid me took his advice. However, I'm not the kind of person to confront people so, I just called him a dickhole and walked away. I wish I could tell you guys that I kicked his ass, but oh well. I did figure out the buses and I'm riding like a pro now. And I even got a booklet to help me if I'm ever lost again. :D

By clueless2 - 20/02/2009 15:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 393

You deserved it 27 734

By Akestarr - 02/12/2013 13:28 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 386

You deserved it 3 663

By pk24 - 25/02/2009 23:46 - United States

Today, I decided to try and call into a local radio station to try and win concert tickets for one of my favorite bands. I called in and was actually the winning number. When asked my name I answered quickly, but all I heard was "Hello? Hello?" Then they hung up. My cell phone was on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 385

You deserved it 16 595

By Anonymous - 06/06/2013 18:47 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 383

You deserved it 3 883

Fruit and veg

By dan - 25/06/2013 04:22 - United States - Phoenix

Spicy

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 382

You deserved it 15 398

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 381

You deserved it 7 208

By manda - 16/02/2009 23:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 374

You deserved it 7 812

By Taylor - 21/04/2014 04:04 - United States - Dubuque

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 371

You deserved it 8 193

By miapapaya - 15/02/2009 21:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hooking up with a guy for the first time and he told me I was in luck. When I asked why he replied, "I like little boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 370

You deserved it 6 679

By Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard - 06/08/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 356

You deserved it 4 861

By beep_guacamole - 24/05/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 353

You deserved it 4 633

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 18:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend of two years has been cheating on me for over five months, including while I was deployed to Afghanistan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 352

You deserved it 4 303

RebelBorn89 tells us more.

RebelBorn89 0

Tuesday 28 December 2010 18:52

To every one that thinks i'm British, I'm not. I am an American military member serving in the UK

Typical

By Anonymous - 16/05/2013 20:54 - United States - Woodbridge

Spicy

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 349

You deserved it 9 471

Boozed up

By speechless - 13/07/2013 14:32 - United States - Mitchell

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 346

You deserved it 4 653

92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 819

You deserved it 4 879

Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 319

You deserved it 5 756

Today, my girlfriend pawned in her mother's engagement ring so she could gamble at the pokies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 122

Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 536

You deserved it 37 030

Today, my absentee dad died in America and some branch of the American government decided that I need to settle his debts. "Which debts?" you ask. Unpaid child support. Yes, America wants me to pay them my own child support, despite never meeting my dad or even once setting foot in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 74

Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 747

You deserved it 113 312