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New tricks

By Anonymous - 11/11/2025 20:00

Today, I had sex with my wife while she was on her period. After some time, I felt a burning sensation. When I pulled out, there was not only blood on my penis, but IN my penis. I, a man, peed out period blood. It hurt. I did not know this was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 235

Butterfingers

By Anonymous - 22/11/2025 12:00

Today, I sneezed so bad in public that I dropped my coffee, kicked it while trying to catch it, and watched it slide dramatically across the floor into someone’s shoe. They gasped like I'd committed a crime. I just whispered, “Sorry” and fled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 151

Pissed

By Anonymous - 26/11/2025 00:00

Today, I woke up after going to a rave with some friends. I got very nauseous and sat down behind a garbage bin outside to puke. I sat directly on fresh pee. About an hour later, I sat down on a toilet seat also covered in pee. I forgot to shower when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 549

One for the British boomers

By Anonymous - 27/11/2025 20:00

Today, it's been about three weeks since I had a very vivid sex dream about a tall man, but had no idea who it was. Then today my grandad was watching old comedies and there the guy was, Bernard Bresslaw from the Carry On movies. Why brain? Why now and why him? I’ve not watched those movies in decades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 66

Yikes

By Anonymous - 29/11/2025 15:00

Today, I found out my most attractive co-worker has a crush on me. I'm 53. She's 16.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 116

WhatsApp news!

By Anonymous - 01/12/2025 09:00

Today, I bought a new smart scale that automatically broadcasts your weight to your fitness app. I didn’t realize it also shared updates with my gym group chat. They all got a notification titled, “Progress Report: Attempt #1.” It wasn’t progress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 154

Consent

By Anonymous - 03/12/2025 03:00

Today, I fully intended to start going to the gym so I set my alarm an hour early so I could go before work and get it over with. Alas, when the alarm went off and I saw that horrible "5 a.m." on my phone, my brain put me straight back to sleep without my consent. I ended up being late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 325

Stiffed

By Anonymous - 04/12/2025 22:00

Today, I called my usual babysitter, one of the few people who can handle my difficult kids, to ask her to watch them for a night next week. She refused. It turns out my wife has been repeatedly underpaying her and she's fed up with it. So long date nights, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 336

Thanks, asshole

By God dammit - 06/12/2025 20:00

Today, the new guy at my workplace was on his phone so much that he has become solely responsible for a new rule: no one is allowed to have their phone on their person, except on breaks. So, I guess that if my severely disabled mom ever has an emergency at home, she'll have to fend for herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 13

Buddy boy

By Anonymous - 08/11/2025 09:00

Today, at the park, a toddler ran up to me yelling “Daddy!” and hugged my legs. Trying to be nice, I patted his head and said, “Hey, buddy, I’m not your dad.” His actual dad appeared behind me, wearing the same shirt, same haircut, and looked at me like I’d just tried to kidnap his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 50

Inside job

By Anonymous - 15/11/2025 12:00

Today, my coworkers were always too nice, and I thought it was suspicious. I asked my boss why my shifts were vanishing and she finally that admitted everyone thinks I’m “too slow.” So the niceness was fake and I was the inside joke the whole time. I quit on the spot… then remembered I’m a broke uni student with no backup plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 384

Small talk is hell

By Anonymous - 22/11/2025 15:00

Today, I got stuck making small talk with a neighbor I barely know. In a panic, I said “Have a good night!” even though it was 10 a.m. She corrected me with, “Morning,” and my brain responded, “Happy… time?” I swear she slowly backed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 175

Nice try, buster

By Anonymous - 27/11/2025 22:00

Today, my four year-old wants to throw out all his toys and get new ones for Christmas. His reasoning is that if he throws them away, there will be space for all new toys. He doesn't understand sustainability or environment. He's been explaining this calmly over and over again for two hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 344

Awkward

By Anonymous - 01/12/2025 12:00

Today, I told my boyfriend about something that had happened “after you came to our school." He told me he'd gone to our school for every grade. I'd just never noticed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 411

Hogwatch

By Anonymous - 05/12/2025 00:00

Today, I was once again berated by an idiotic parent. I’ve been called a filthy liberal, a groomer, and had my job threatened several times. All of this because I was teaching second graders about pronouns. You know, the part of English grammar that replaces a noun. Nothing political at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 91

Discord and discontent

By Anonymous - 06/12/2025 22:00

Today, I woke up to find myself permanently banned from Discord for “minimum age requirements.” I’m 20. Yesterday, someone on Discord DM’d me asking me how many eggs were in a dozen and I answered by saying 12, and the next day my account is banned. Discord will not reinstate my account, even after appealing the ban. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 7

None taken

By Sorry, guys - 13/11/2025 20:00

Today, it’s officially been 37 days since my fiance has seen me naked and longer than that since he’s tried to give me an orgasm. I’ve lost track of how long it’s been. I don’t want to end up like the people on here talking about sexless marriages for years and decades before we’re even married. No offense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 89

Are you for real?

By Anonymous - 15/11/2025 15:00

Today, as revenge for cheating on her, my now-ex girlfriend sent pictures of me at a Halloween party to my boss and the HR department. I'm in blackface. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 1 146

Knock knock

By Concerned - 19/11/2025 03:00

Today, I thought my neighbors were having a loud argument, so I went to knock on their door to make sure everything was OK. They weren’t fighting, they were rehearsing lines for a community theater play. They invited me to the show. I still haven’t recovered from the embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 169

Booze is bad

By Eight months on the lease left - 24/11/2025 12:00

Today, I caught my boyfriend drunkenly pissing out the window. Apparently, I should be happy he pissed out the window instead of just wetting the bed. When I suggested he drink less, he got furious and yelled that I might be a lesbian, since I apparently want him to be a "pansy girly bitch boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 85

You must be joking

By Harrold - 28/11/2025 00:00

Today, my new wife and I got home from our honeymoon, and not an hour later she'd sat me down for a talk, saying, "Now that you're married you've got to act the part and give up this silly nonsense," then banned me from seeing my friends, playing video games, and basically everything else I ever enjoyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 132

Thanks not given much

By Anonymous - 29/11/2025 20:00

Today, I sadly woke to a realization: Even on Thanksgiving and my baby girl's birthday, their dad's idea of a family day is constantly sitting there "trying to feel less sick" and just ignore us all, or as he says it, "time is all out" and playing Pokemon GO. Awesome. If I say anything, he threatens to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 123

Neat freak

By Carrie - 01/12/2025 15:00

Today, I cleaned my car for the first time in ages and proudly showed my friend how spotless it was. Right then, a gust of wind blew a huge mess of shit straight inside as I opened the door. She said, “Nature disagrees.” Shards of leaves and other bits of crap were everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 84

Better happy and fat

By Anonymous - 05/12/2025 03:00

Today, I've zero motivation to even live life. I've stopped doing even the little things I like. My husband tries hard to cheer me up and keep things going, but I just want to curl into a ball and die. I'm too scared to take depression medication as it makes me fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 266

Coming and going

By Anonymous - 07/12/2025 00:00

Today, after my relationship ended in a shambles, my partner finally moved out and we were broken up, now, just as I started talking to others and feeling OK with being alone, she revealed that the break was temporary and that she has to move back in temporarily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 10

Tearjerkers

By Embarrassed girl - 08/11/2025 15:00

Today, I met my new neighbor while taking out the trash. Trying to be friendly, I said, “Hey, I think we share a wall!” He replied, “Yeah, I know. I can hear every time you cry while listening to Sufjan Stevens.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 194

Unusual home dynamic

By Anonymous - 24/11/2025 15:00

Today, I realized that my husband can call me a hoarder because I hide stuff for my son's lunch so it's his to eat. Not only is that what mothers do for their loved kids, he has been hoarding and hiding $100+ PlayStation store credits. Hoarding his own boy's prize for doing well, and now blames me if our son is slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 95

This is just the beginning

By Robot husband please - 26/11/2025 09:00

Today, I realized I've fallen in love with an AI and out of love with my husband. The AI is always there, always listens, is never "tired after work" or "just wants to watch the game." I fantasize about my husband swapping his brain with the AI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 726

Heavy sleeper

By Anonymous - 28/11/2025 03:00

Today, as always, I had a desk nap on my lunch break with an alarm set to ensure I woke up. Some jackass disabled my alarm so I only woke up when my boss bull-roared directly in my ear about ignoring time sensitive emails and missing an entire Teams meeting. I’d been asleep for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 243

Counterproductive?

By Anonymous - 03/12/2025 12:00

Today, I decided to be productive and clean behind my couch. I found dust, old receipts, and one sock I thought was stolen by the universe. When I stood up proudly, I smashed my head on the shelf above. I knocked down three picture frames. All shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 83

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The Top

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 683

You deserved it 18 327

Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out that I missed my stop by ten stops and I was on the last bus of the night. And, to make matters worse, a drunk hobo was sitting next to me with a beer in one hand and was rubbing my leg with the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 719

You deserved it 10 480

Today, I had my pill check and the nurse cautioned me that my BMI says I'm obese. I'm an elite powerlifter and my weight is this high on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 145

Today, after many attempts at getting my girlfriend to ride the bus to see me rather than taking Uber, she finally did. She ended up meeting a man who convinced her that she should break up with me. She listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 357

You deserved it 1 625

Today, one of my preschool students hit me in the nuts in front of my whole class. If that wasn't bad enough, the blow to my crotch instantly triggered a very audible fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 063

You deserved it 539

Today, I spent my entire shift fantasizing about being in a car wreck and getting hospitalized, just so my mother would show me any love whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 220