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By kyyle - 11/01/2014 04:02 - United States - Chicago

Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head", so I pointed to my face. Nobody on my team got it. But they did guess, "Ugly?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 211

You deserved it 4 870

Involuntary

By hannahthedino - 20/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Today, my friend spent the night. I now know that she masturbates in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 142

Swoon

By anonymous - 14/03/2010 05:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to marry me. Since he doesn't know my ring size, he asked for me to find a ring that I liked, and he would buy it and propose. The only problem is that he won't spend more than 200 dollars on it. Oh, the generosity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 014

You deserved it 37 108

The Times They Are a-Changin'

By Jobless - 28/03/2020 14:00

Today, I woke up early, felt very energetic, decided to run a couple of miles and bought muffins for my colleagues on my way to the office. Then my boss told me they're shutting us down. At the end of a day that started really great, I'm jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 693

You deserved it 167

By amber - 13/03/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I bitched out my boyfriend for logging into my facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off my friends list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 906

You deserved it 17 753

Slots

By smoothcoffee - 27/08/2009 05:53 - Australia

Today, the bank called saying we were late in the mortgage payments. I was puzzled because three months ago I issued a big cheque to my mum pay off the mortgage. I just discovered that she instead lost it all at the casino. Turns out, she's become a compulsive gambler ever since dad passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 843

You deserved it 4 051

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 19:36 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 680

You deserved it 23 096

By Anonymous - 03/04/2011 15:14 - United States

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 768

You deserved it 6 430

Hangry

By Broke as hell - 07/04/2020 23:00

Today, after being robbed last week, I had no money to go to the store for food. Instead, my dinner consisted of two Tums chewables in tropical fruit flavors. After not eating all day, I thought they actually tasted pretty good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 061

You deserved it 170

Blind spot

By nicky - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 353

You deserved it 30 045

Open relationship?

By Olenka - 29/02/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I caught my husband in bed with his side chick yet again. Two weeks ago he promised me he wouldn’t do it again, and last Saturday I caught him again. Today marks the fourth time. We’ve been together for eight years and have three children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 1 091

The mouthfeel

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 04:00

Today, I went to the doctor, who confirmed I have a minor infection 'down there'. It’s not sexually transmitted, but since there were no obvious symptoms, he asked how I knew something was wrong, I just couldn’t tell him my husband was going down on me and noticed it tasted different from normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 274

Almost made it

By anon9876542 - 20/08/2009 11:02 - Australia

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one-hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200 metres from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door, I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 109

You deserved it 45 475

Breathtaking

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 02:45 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 632

You deserved it 5 568

By ewww - 25/03/2011 17:31 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my friends, when a creepy man sat at the table next to us, and started rubbing his crotch, his gaze never leaving my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 992

You deserved it 4 213

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 240

By confsused - 16/12/2013 17:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 974

You deserved it 3 382

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 378

You deserved it 35 797

By embarassed - 20/03/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 070

You deserved it 10 523

The big reveal

By victoriassecret - 03/03/2010 09:24 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to take my bra off during sex. My breasts had "deflated" somewhat due to weight loss and I was really self-conscious about them, but my boyfriend insisted I was hot no matter what. When the bra came off, the dick got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 823

You deserved it 4 164

By name50 - 07/02/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 619

You deserved it 74 124

By Anonymous - 19/01/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, my job at a luxurious retirement community was terminated when I ran over an old lady with my work golf cart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 836

You deserved it 52 656

Don't even try

By divingconfidence - 22/12/2012 11:21 - United States - Maple Grove

Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 755

You deserved it 4 809

Here's your login details

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 836

You deserved it 3 554

By Anonymous - 13/01/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law moved into my wife's two-bedroom apartment. She's quite possibly the reincarnation of Hitler himself, and she'll be staying until this time next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 644

You deserved it 2 505

By Mavis - 03/02/2009 07:54 - Canada

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 244

You deserved it 3 241

Hidden life

By ashleyrc_8213 - 11/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was commenting on my boyfriend’s page, telling him how much I loved him and missed him since he had been deported back to his country. A 12-year-old girl commented, “Who are you and why are you so obsessed with my daddy?” I didn’t know he had kids. We were together for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 500

You deserved it 533

Road rage

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Germany - Mannheim

Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20 km/h over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 660

You deserved it 8 432

By mysidesaresplitting - 14/12/2012 06:44 - United States - Oxford

Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 479

You deserved it 2 269

By whatever - 09/08/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I went out with my ex-boyfriend on a date. The night consisted of me sitting in the back seat of his friend's truck while they drove around to pick up things for the party they were going to have that same night. After they picked everything up, he asked where I wanted to get dropped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 928

You deserved it 27 408

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The Top

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 345

You deserved it 4 682

Today, my husband and I finally agreed on something: marriage counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 050

You deserved it 6 259

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible, so I spoke to my window, thinking she couldn't hear me, "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 585

You deserved it 87 093

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 385

You deserved it 44 774

Today, my dad demanded that I break up with my cheating boyfriend. With that revelation, I did some investigating on my own. The other woman is apparently my boyfriend's "cute little" Marshadow that slaughtered my dad's "godlike" Incineroar in a 3DS battle they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 793

You deserved it 289

Today, after I returned from business dinner at a hibachi restaurant, my wife decided she wanted sex for the first time in years on a weekday. We did it and I pooped a little on “our” stupid white comforter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 387