The Top

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By meowymomma - 25/06/2016 19:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I caught my soon to be husband screwing our wedding planner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 727

You deserved it 1 470

By EmbarrassedBigSister - 19/08/2018 05:00 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I went out for the afternoon leaving my younger brother at home. He's never had a girlfriend, which I always put down to him being shy and a little overweight. Well, I came home early to walk in on him taking it up the arse from his uni buddy. Off the charts awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 481

You deserved it 570

By Pavlov Dog - 03/02/2018 19:00

Spicy

Today, I "woofed" at a man on a gay dating site before realizing he's my Psych professor. Now during every lecture I'll never forget his nipples are pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 1 609

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 09:55 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 637

You deserved it 8 772

Spread the word

By JAY22 - 26/03/2009 11:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 224 255

You deserved it 35 831

By Debra - 14/05/2018 13:00 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I had the class clown of my preschoolers oversleep our daily 15-minute nap. Not wanting to spare any more class time on his disrupting jokes, I let the headache sleep. After another 10 minutes we called an ambulance. He had a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 026

You deserved it 1 025

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 14:00

Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint as we were leaving the church where I just married my husband. As I was staring at this mad bitch in my ruined dress, wondering why she would do something so horrible, she ran off crying and shouting, "Sorry wrong wedding!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 541

You deserved it 198

Get riggity riggity wrecked, son.

By Anonymous - 25/10/2017 05:00 - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, after my dad declared that Rick and Morty is a terrible show, I caught him watching it and laughing his ass off. He grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 149

You deserved it 467

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 17:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 876

You deserved it 2 455

Creepy

By Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet - 26/09/2015 01:10 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 656

You deserved it 2 245

By Alex White - 02/05/2016 16:50 - Canada - Westerose

Today, my husband was using the microwave when we suddenly hear a huge 'POP'. The good news is we found our daughter's missing hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 522

You deserved it 4 768

By Divorce? - 29/07/2017 00:30

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 037

You deserved it 609

Funny how?

By funnyguyNOT - 05/04/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 319

You deserved it 285 251

Fit as a fiddle

By Anonymous - 09/07/2018 20:30

Today, I, a man in his 40s, had to be taken to the hospital because I was laughing so hard at an old Disney movie that my diaphragm went into spasms. I stopped breathing and passed out for a few minutes, and my son had to call an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 034

You deserved it 440

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 13:17 - United States - Gadsden

Today, I accidentally Googled "best types of incest" instead of "best types of incense" on the family computer. The parental controls went nuts. I'm now grounded, and my parents are convinced I need psychiatric help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 648

You deserved it 2 812

Catfished

By Iman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 185

You deserved it 294 101

By one sorry mom - 05/09/2017 04:31

Today, at the mall, my 4-year-old son threw up on a man's shoes. When he approached me, I immediately machine-gun mouthed him in public. The man apparently is a doctor and concernedly said that my son may have a rare gastric disease based on the puke. I got him checked, and he's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 7 127

By PumaGator - 04/06/2016 20:39

Spicy

Today, I was added to a random group chat. They were planning to film a porno and each member sent a nude. They were all grannies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 867

You deserved it 2 120

By rexob - 04/02/2009 15:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245 516

You deserved it 13 947

rexob tells us more.

rexob 0

Monday 9 February 2009 23:13

thanks for all those who are genuinely concerned...i really appreciate it. i'm hanging in there, and hopefully my sister will be alright. we've been to therapy and i think it's helped her, but i don't know how this will come up later in life for us. again, i really appreciate those of you who took this seriously.

Reach

By shortarse - 13/06/2017 02:00 - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 325

You deserved it 768

Time to invest in a gas mask!

By crystalxuk - 31/07/2017 18:18 - Republic of Korea

Today, after living in Korea for 6 months due to my husband's military career, doctors finally found out why I've been sick since I've been here. I'm allergic to the air. The air quality is so bad here that it is making me sick. Only 2 more years to go before we get moved again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 147

You deserved it 397

crystalxuk tells us more.

crystalxuk 25

Monday 31 July 2017 3:22

After years of being on FML, I finally get featured! It started about 2 weeks after we got here and I basically have hives, am very itchy, and have severe allergies. All this has made me very depressed for months I just stay at home with the windows closed and the air cleaner on because it gets worse whenever I go outside. So the Army is letting us apply for "compassionate reassignment" which lets us move to our next army base earlier than we are supposed to. Hopefully it gets approved!

Soliciting

By Xena - 25/08/2017 04:30

Today, I was at our hotel waiting for my husband to finish his shower so we could have our anniversary dinner, when hotel security forcefully removed me from the building because they do not allow "prostitutes" to look for clients on their property. They thought I was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 935

You deserved it 672

Romantic gesture

By Anonymous - 19/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 473

You deserved it 309

By Anonymous - 15/03/2018 15:00 - Spain - Marbella

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years and I announced our engagement to my family. While congratulating us, my sister couldn't help bursting into tears. I thought they got on well, he thought they got on well, she has been in love with him for the last 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 193

You deserved it 279

By My rapey cat (doesn't even have balls) - 21/04/2018 01:30

Today, my 20-year-old sister is taking care of my cat while I am out of state. She sent a photo of him "playing in a silly way" with her kitty. I then had to very seriously explain to her that in the photo, my cat and her cat were trying to make more cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 215

You deserved it 431

By Anonymous - 02/06/2017 11:08

Today, I accidentally covfefe

I agree, your life sucks 2 886

You deserved it 1 615

By sadNsingle - 23/09/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up right before my sister's wedding, because he didn't want to be there when we found out he gave the both of us an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 647

You deserved it 827

By sicko - 07/11/2018 18:30 - Egypt

Today, while my 8-year-old was at school, I got a call saying that he shat and peed himself and then attacked a girl with his shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 288

You deserved it 367

Blasted

By coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 070

You deserved it 2 973

By Dr Pepper - 28/01/2018 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my wife. Halfway through, I had to go to the bathroom, but she complained so I stayed. It was explosive diarrhea. I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 288

You deserved it 1 263

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The Top

The Top

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 501

You deserved it 6 773

Today, I got a new haircut and style. Feeling pretty. My husband got home and is not even a little interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 169

Today, I delivered some bad news to my girlfriend, and she broke up with me. By the way, Coca-Cola is discontinuing Honest Tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 105

Today, I got curious and decided to look for my ex's social media after he blocked me off everything. I found him on LinkedIn and it is only after I click on his profile that I remembered, he will be notified that I looked him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 3 635

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 719

You deserved it 4 767

Today, I found out via Facebook that my brother got engaged several days ago. Not only did he not tell me, but we live in the same house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 561

You deserved it 4 614