The Top

Hey OP here! I really really hate elevators, but we were on the 9th floor of our hotel, so that's a lot of stairs to do in cosplay (I was at a con). The elevator wasn't too bad actually but this happening set me back a bit. I reported it to the front desk as soon as I had calmed down, and security walked me back up. In the morning, they came back to take my full statement so they could file a proper police report. For the rest of the weekend, I was carrying my pepper spray and had my phone camera ready to take pictures if I saw them again. Thankfully I didn't.

By tvaladie - 17/04/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 167

You deserved it 350 545

#humblebrag

By Burst a Valve - 26/02/2017 18:00 - Australia

Today, I learned there is such a thing as "too much sex". After a full week of having sex at least twice a day with my girlfriend, I had to go to the GP due to a painful erection and swelling. The constant sex had caused me to burst a blood vessel in my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 704

You deserved it 2 927

Are you kidding me?

By The nice guy finishing last - 27/03/2017 12:00

Today, my mom talked me into going to a funeral since my dad wouldn't go. It was for one of her classmates. When it was our time to view the casket, we paused in front of it for a second before my mom leans over to me and says, "What if I told you that was really your dad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 288

You deserved it 618

Surprised?

By Very Divorced - 10/10/2018 20:00 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is cheating on me with not one, not two, but nine girls. How he did it, I don't even know. How I found out? I was coming into my room to surprise him for his birthday and saw him having a threesome. We have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 085

You deserved it 498

By chacha - 28/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 593

You deserved it 5 547

By milksquad - 04/07/2017 08:41 - United States

Today, I managed to pay my rent in full for once. My bank called me on suspicion of fraud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 458

You deserved it 831

milksquad tells us more.

milksquad 11

Monday 3 July 2017 14:34

OP here! Dunno if I'll count as "verified" because I submitted the FML without signing up for an account. But it's all good! I'm actually glad that my bank is so thorough as I've had my debit card stolen before. This time around I was using Venmo which apparently isn't a certified merchant, or something? So they just had me confirm my personal details and it went through. Mainly FML because I was stressed that I was paying rent last minute (my own fault). All in all, everything went swimmingly, and I have added faith in my bank's ability to protect my money!

Stoner Logic

By Anonymous - 07/08/2017 00:30

Today, I've been sleeping with my drug dealer from high school who I still buy pot from for the past week. He made me go down on him a few days ago and he smelled funny but I didn't say anything. Today, he told me he only showers 2-3 times a month and he thinks he's a genius for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 232

You deserved it 11 545

By tr3yr - 27/02/2018 17:06

Today, I got a new employee. She was putting photos on her desk and I noticed a familiar face. When I asked who he was to her, she said, “My husband.” I had been dating this guy for the past three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 646

You deserved it 519

tr3yr tells us more.

tr3yr 13

Tuesday 27 February 2018 16:53

While I must say I thought that was a good idea... I did just that. Her response, “She did not care as long as he does not bring anything home to her.” I also found out that she filed for a divorce though but she said it was to “just teach him a lesson because he did not tell her.” When I confronted him he just kept lying and saying how he wanted to be with me but couldn’t think of being without his wife. So I just left it alone and cut off communication. It was starting to just be weird and I felt they had major issues to figure out with each-other. Needless to say I had her transferred to a different location.

By vetstudentdream - 15/04/2017 22:00 - Australia - Bellbowrie

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 807

You deserved it 843