The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Very bad idea

By Yoir mom - 16/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 547

Casey Anthony vibes

By NewMom - 01/09/2021 07:01

Today, I had to explain to my 20 year-old daughter why she can’t leave her infant son at the house on her own, while she goes out partying until 2 a.m. Her response was, “What? I’m supposed to miss the party to watch his ass?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 359

Occam's razor

By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 01:09 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 755

You deserved it 3 773

By BreakingTheMood - 13/11/2013 18:08 - Finland - Vanda

Spicy

Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 983

You deserved it 4 480

By Anonymous - 27/11/2012 21:04 - Sweden - ?rsta

Spicy

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 610

You deserved it 4 168

By Anonymous - 16/02/2010 20:48 - United States

Today, my pet rat had babies. We've only ever owned one rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 739

You deserved it 6 038

Class Wars - UK Edition

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 14:01

Today, my wife blames me for our son having a “posh” accent, because she thinks he’ll be bullied at school. I’m a Yorkshireman and use “ey up”, “ow do” , “pillock” and “arse” in everyday conversation, whereas my wife was raised in Oxford, I doubt I’m the one making our son sound posh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 263

By MisterBrown - 15/02/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 804

You deserved it 3 363

Travelling light

By EmBAREassed - 31/07/2009 13:43 - United States

Today, I was walking around Walmart feeling pretty good about myself as I received numerous looks from guys in passing. All of a sudden a man approached me to tell me that my dress was extremely see-through. And, since I was wearing a thong, he and everyone else could totally see my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 519

You deserved it 60 365

What the actual ****?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment building, in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 031

You deserved it 1 793

By ThinZ - 24/12/2011 00:26 - United States

Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 515

You deserved it 3 888

By DallasGal - 14/02/2012 16:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wanted to have Valentine's Day sex. He then remembered it was unlimited pancakes at IHOP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 854

You deserved it 3 886

Cute nickname

By Anonymous - 23/06/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, my friend with benefits texted me to say that his roommate had heard us getting it on, and had gone on to nickname me 'Giggles'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 572

Wailing

By katchoo - 03/11/2013 07:34 - Denmark

Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 623

You deserved it 8 509

By Rinelric1998 - 31/10/2013 02:59 - United States - Greensboro

Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 506

You deserved it 5 900

By abcdefghijkl1233 - 29/10/2013 13:23 - United Kingdom - Oldham

Today, I had a job interview that I was quite nervous about. During the interview, I struggled to get my words out and the interviewer angrily told me to, "Get on with it." I continued to struggle and was later kicked out for wasting their time. I have a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 883

You deserved it 4 118

abcdefghijkl1233 tells us more.

abcdefghijkl1233 2

Tuesday 29 October 2013 20:14

Thank you for those of you who left kind comments, those of you who left comments of the other kind probably don't understand. I didn't fully expect my stutter to get in the way of the interview so much, but combined with my nervousness it gradually got worse throughout. After the way I was treated I realised it wasn't a place I would want to be at so I left without a fight. Also I'd like to thank you for the help methods some of you said, I've been trying to improve it and I'm definitely going to try them, thanks again :) In the future I will inform them beforehand! #8 Aha, good ol' game of Pictionary, never fails to start arguments!

By Anonymous - 18/11/2012 12:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 796

You deserved it 3 693

Marty McFly

By Anonymous - 22/12/2022 03:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I've heard some weird reasons before, but "My future self told me to" is a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 138

By AMIGODO - 12/02/2011 15:13 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 902

You deserved it 5 129

By Anonymous - 10/02/2010 17:24 - Lebanon

Today, while cleaning around the house, I found a black bra that wasn’t mine. I confronted my husband about it, which turned into a massive fight. It turned out that the bra actually belonged to my son’s girlfriend I didn’t know he had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 577

You deserved it 30 452

Such a Miranda

By Anonymous - 26/12/2022 00:00

Today, I realised that when I was pregnant I had loads of friends, because pregnancy is cute and awesome and empowering, until the baby actually arrived. Then so-called friends don’t want to visit anymore because babies are loud, sticky, poop everywhere, and get in the way of brunch and shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 627

Lonely time

By talker - 14/11/2012 06:14 - United States - Middletown

Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 556

You deserved it 23 083

By Heather - 12/11/2012 21:20 - United States - Bethesda

Spicy

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 241

You deserved it 3 243

Greatest prank ever

By Anonymous - 11/01/2023 04:00 - United States - Yakima

Spicy

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 374

Whatever floats your boat

By RainbowD4PowerNozzle - 02/01/2023 21:00

Spicy

Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 1 313

By aurorason - 06/02/2010 06:25 - France

Today, during a basketball game, I fell into metal chairs which then decided to fold in, causing me to fall to the floor in a very dramatic and painful fall. When I stood up, so did everyone else and they were all clapping, including the other team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 135

You deserved it 3 526

By mustabeendrugs - 14/10/2013 01:14 - United States - Tucson

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 308

You deserved it 3 726

Great guy

By Mxmarie - 30/05/2024 20:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, like every month, I need to summon the courage to tell my husband that I’m on my period. When he finds out, he’s gonna go out and sleep with other women until it’s gone. He has “urges” and “needs sex every day” and if I "can’t give it to him someone else will.” I’m disabled and can’t afford to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 10:02 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I decided to delete my Facebook account. My older sister repeatedly called me in tears asking why I'm cutting her out of my life. It seems I can't get rid of social media without my family taking offence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 110

You deserved it 2 282

By Thanh Quang - 31/01/2011 05:58

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she met someone else on World of Warcraft. I've been paying for her subscription. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 616

You deserved it 14 808

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Homophobia Anger issues LGBTQIA+ Religion Work Friends Love Weird Jealousy Animals Technology Dogs Videos Neighbours Kids Annoying Noise Relatable Argument Gross Poopoo peepee Transportation Cars Health Awkward Growing old Miscellaneous Cheating Parents Break-ups

The Top

The Top

Today, after being trapped in an elevator for 4 hours, I really had to pee. Just when I decided to pee in the elevator shaft, the lift doors opened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 065

You deserved it 1 175

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 163

You deserved it 3 086

Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 149

You deserved it 9 665

Today, I fell asleep as my family drove to church. No one bothered to say anything about the drawings my siblings drew on my face until after church ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 438

You deserved it 5 829

Today, I went to my uncle’s funeral. Later, I found out that his irresponsible idiot of a daughter had COVID, knew she had COVID, and not only showed up anyway, but didn’t bother to wear a mask, and went out of her way to go around hugging people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 250

Today, I microwaved leftovers in a container I didn’t check. The lid wasn’t microwave-safe. It melted, fused to the food, and now I have what looks like a modern art sculpture instead of lunch. My coworker walked up, looked at it, and said, “Microplastics in our food are getting out of hand.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 491