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So this is my FML (and I'm pretty overjoyed that it actually got accepted), but to everyone who is talking about the pipes...this is a house we're renting and we didn't know that the pipes were OLD (not cheap). And our landlord never fixed them because it would cost about $17,000 to redo everything. So we had to deal with it. And we found this out AFTER the basement was flooded. So while I appreciate your attempt to insult me, didn't really work =)

That stinks

By Anonymous - 02/11/2021 02:00

Today, I Febrezed my one remaining suit because I haven’t had a chance to go to the dry cleaners yet. I Febrezed it over the bed, so some got on the sheets. My girlfriend then got home and hit me in the head with a vase, because she thought the Febreze on the sheets was another woman’s perfume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 229

By Juggalette - 29/01/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I was working at IHOP serving a table full of drunk idiots. After an hour of taking care of them I went to clean up their mess to find the tip they had left me. On a napkin a girl had wrote "Here's your tip for the night: Don't play leap frog with unicorns." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 401

You deserved it 3 224

Juggalette1020 tells us more.

Juggalette1020 0

Monday 1 February 2010 2:29

Umm. The only reason It happened because we were just starting 3rd shit at that IHOP And the only people who realized that we were open were the drunk people. So there's bound to be assholes. And I deserve it for my name? Ummm No.

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 22:43 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 376

You deserved it 5 496

By angie429 - 27/11/2011 23:45 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend to my family's traditional late Thanksgiving dinner. While eating, my mom brought up celebrity infidelity. My grandpa ended up looking me in the eye and saying, "Look Angie, sometimes what a man has just isn't enough. When that happens, cheating is forgiveable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 141

You deserved it 2 753

Felt cute, might delete myself later

By being a fairy is hard - 28/10/2021 08:00

Today, my daughter lost a tooth. I wanted to make the Tooth Fairy experience extra special, so I dipped her doll's feet in paint to leave “tracks” from the window to her bed. As I was adding the finishing touches and spreading glitter, I tripped on a toy, faceplanted and lost my own tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 406

By Anonymous - 24/01/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 905

You deserved it 7 169

By letsloseweight - 13/07/2009 11:30 - Korea Republic of

Today, it started raining unexpectedly. My daughter and I didn't have an umbrella, so my daughter raised one of my big flabby arms and put it over her head to protect her from the rain. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 307

You deserved it 45 255

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 04:08 - United States - Bloomdale

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 813

You deserved it 4 408

By Peepants - 03/03/2016 23:03 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I really had to pee during one of my college lectures. I finally worked up the nerve to leave the room while he was lecturing, and ran frantically to the bathroom. Once in there, the urge intensified to the point I couldn't hold it. I peed my pants while standing in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 104

You deserved it 4 752

Sick sex, dude

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 02:13 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 534

You deserved it 5 240

Lost

By Icy - 25/10/2008 16:56

Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on MSN when her roommate answered, "Sorry, this isn't Marie, she's at her boyfriend’s." Really? I've looked everywhere in my apartment, and I can’t find her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 506

You deserved it 4 042

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 067

You deserved it 420

Everybody hurts

By NoNovocaine - 20/11/2021 16:59 - Canada - Barrie

Today, while getting a dental filling, the fire alarm sounded. The plaza was evacuated and we had to stand outside in the cold for 2 hours. The anesthetic wore off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 64

Alas, poor Salem

By Stalked - 15/11/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, a policeman and I confronted my psychotic neighbor, who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 753

You deserved it 2 776

By JustRidingMyBike - 04/01/2017 17:11

Today, I started my new job as a supervisor. I began by cleaning out my new office, including recycling large sheets of cardboard left over from the new calendars. When the 2nd shift came in, however, they got very upset and yelled at me. Apparently, I had thrown away my Muslim workers' prayer mats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 409

You deserved it 1 942

Please explain

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my pads were not in fact "big band-aids" and that he should probably remove them from his legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 481

You deserved it 3 343

By sleeplessinrichmond - 15/09/2013 06:02 - United States - Bronx

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 818

You deserved it 2 962

Is this a joke?

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 770

You deserved it 3 899

Mr Popular

By mcdman - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 491

You deserved it 6 002

Sorry father…

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 20:55 - United States

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 704

You deserved it 44 086

Breaking

By Meghan - 05/09/2020 08:01 - United States - New York

Today, my mom told me that she had great news: we were going to meet my biological parents. I didn't know I was adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 107

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my friend said that his dad told him we couldn't hang out anymore, he thinks I'm a bad influence because I don't have all 90's in my classes. The only reason he knows I have below a 90 is because he's my geography teacher. I have an 87. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 537

You deserved it 1 495

Today, at my job as a librarian at an old library, I was shelving books. Things were great until one entire bookshelf fell over. The damage wasn't too bad. Then the rest fell down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 145

You deserved it 3 889

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. I was screaming and writhing in pain, and my eyes were shut for most of the ride to the hospital. We stopped, and I was thrilled because I thought we were at the ER. I was wrong. My dad had stopped to order a cheeseburger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 262

You deserved it 4 874

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 789

You deserved it 10 931

Today, I finally decided to do regular biology rather than honors biology, thinking honors would be too hard. My first day in regular biology, my lab partner asked me whether a rock was alive or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 453

You deserved it 12 285

Today, I found an old friend of mine on Facebook. After adding her, I suggested friends for her. She ended up adding every single one I added, but not me. I later saw her ask one of those friends who the hell I was and how I knew all of them. We used to eat lunch together everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 070

You deserved it 3 100