The Top

clarification: I was wearing a shin-gaurd (clearly not a very good one...), the kick had enough force to break my leg anyways. Also, I only know about the loud crack because people told me about it, I didn't hear it myself (I was too busy writhing in agony to register much of anything really).

Puppy love

By Hotmama - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was nice to my son's friend. He's 27 and needs to get a life, so now he won't stop texting me and flirting. I will have to escort him back, not just to the "friend zone", but to the "I'm twice your age and your friend's mom zone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 570

You deserved it 728

By Anonymous - 27/07/2019 12:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I uploaded a video to YouTube. I have around 20k subscribers, so I'm not a huge deal. I used a "fail" sound effect. I just got an email from YouTube saying that I got a copyright strike. They told me that it was the 4-second sound effect. They copyrighted 4 seconds of my video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 526

By jesus christ - 01/10/2011 02:55 - United States

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 378

You deserved it 3 463

By hustled - 24/08/2012 00:05 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out my girlfriend is only with me because I'm a mechanic and I fix her constantly broken-down car for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 364

You deserved it 2 645

Unwarranted bitchiness

By lois2lane - 23/12/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, a car was tailgating and honking at me while trying to pass me, so I decided to be a bitch back and go extremely slow. We got to a two lane road and the car passed me up. The man in the front seat flipped me off while pointing to his wife in the back seat who was clearly in labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 101

You deserved it 68 300

Liability

By Josh - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 743

You deserved it 5 970

BOOM!

By Timmay - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was on the deck of a sailboat and I started feeling seasick. I bent over the edge to throw up. After I stood back up, the wind changed direction and the boom swung around, knocking me into the open ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 481

You deserved it 4 841

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 580

You deserved it 3 492

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 23:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the, "I know I'm not your mother…" speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 858

You deserved it 3 018

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 974

You deserved it 1 775

By What does this button do? - 16/02/2017 22:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my new apprentice took, "What does this button do?" to a new level when he pushed an emergency, "Stop all" button, causing my firm to miss multiple deadlines, causing massive losses In profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 894

You deserved it 650

Lingering

By Anonymous - 13/01/2019 16:00

Today, I went over to my friend’s house while she was sick. In order to show me how bad her sense of smell was, she took a handful of VapoRub and rubbed it all over and inside of my nose then said, “Can you smell that? I can’t.” Yes, I can. But I can also feel my nostrils burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 294

You deserved it 303

By Anonymous - 18/09/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 432

You deserved it 4 457

By ilivehere - 17/07/2013 14:20 - United States - Moline

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 648

You deserved it 4 412

By Wade - 30/05/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was sitting under a tree at a park. The dirt felt a little damp, so I assumed it was dew from the night. A homeless man walks over and asks me to move, then starts to pee under the tree, followed by another man. I was sitting in their bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 970

You deserved it 4 685

By ppp - 14/09/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift. A half-used bottle of body lotion that belonged to his dead wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 238

You deserved it 3 429

By "syd_the_kidd_9707" - 25/02/2019 00:00

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 362

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 675

You deserved it 5 013

Exterminators are expensive

By vinyl_mermaid - 02/03/2017 14:00

Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 637

You deserved it 490

Social animal

By Well then - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I realised that the only thing that's got fucked since I started university is my sleep cycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 309

You deserved it 527

Oh no

By Bad sibling - 07/03/2019 20:00

Today, as planned, my dad confirmed that he would be flying up to visit me for the weekend. Not planned, however, was that my whiny and high-maintenance sister invited herself along too. There's no way I can dis-invite her without offending my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 142

You deserved it 241

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 16:17 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, a girl told me she couldn't text me anymore, because she was too tired and had to sleep. Over the next three hours, she updated her Facebook and Twitter accounts, and made a YouTube video of herself singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 397

You deserved it 6 134

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was at church with some friends and our counselor, who had recently came back from Taiwan. I was born there and love to visit, so I immediately exclaimed, "How lucky!" A few seconds of awkward silence later, he said, "I was visiting my dad who was just diagnosed with cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 891

You deserved it 2 149

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 887

You deserved it 2 312

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 784

You deserved it 7 209

Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 168

You deserved it 42 107

Today, my university's dorms closed due to COVID-19 and when I asked my parents if I could stay with them, they said no because, "we're social distancing." They weren't joking, I have nobody else to stay with. I'm now legitimately living in a tent under a bridge until this pandemic ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 718

You deserved it 173

Today, the cops showed up at my work because people were fighting in the parking lot. This is a nightly occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 108