The Top

who says my tank top was low cut and my cleavage was showing ? my shirt doesnt need to be low cut for a bee to fly in. so you deserve to be run over :)

Out of the frying pan and into the fire!

By cozzza - 29/08/2018 13:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, after 14 months of chronic acne, my doctor finally put me on medication for it. Just 24 hours after starting it, my face is bright red, peeling, and I have a puffy eyes. Turns out I'm allergic to it. My skin now looks 100x worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 739

You deserved it 189

Twin issues

By Anonymous - 26/12/2022 09:00

Today, I got an X-ray and the nurse happened to mention the old break in my leg. Mom always said it was my twin brother who'd broken his leg. Can you see where this is going? I have now confirmed that at some point mom mixed me and my brother up, so we’ve being using each other’s names for 35 years FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 08/02/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 860

You deserved it 3 585

Leave them alone

By Anonymous - 23/07/2009 11:13 - Greece

Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 661

You deserved it 8 842

By Richard - 06/02/2010 18:39 - France

Today, there was a new and extremely attractive girl at youth group, so I decided to introduce myself. Her reply was, "Wow, I've always wanted to meet a gay guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 365

You deserved it 4 527

Are you OK?

By Squid - 07/11/2012 05:11 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 017

You deserved it 7 489

By Anonymous - 14/09/2018 03:30

Today, I finally found out why I got a D in a class last semester. It was a heavily attendance-based class, and apparently he only marked you present if you participated in class discussion. It was a 100-seat lecture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 903

You deserved it 338

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The Top

Today, I took my wife to a country concert for her birthday, even though I can't stand country. While she had the time of her life, I was punched twice, had a beer dropped on me, and had a rather large, drunk woman fall on me. Happy birthday, baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 759

You deserved it 1 333

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 171

You deserved it 1 627

Today, I had to explain to my 23-year-old female friend that when I get my hysterectomy, I will still be able to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 788

You deserved it 2 185

Today, my mom disowned me and forced me to move out because I didn’t have a crying heartbroken meltdown at the death of my stepfather. She knows I hated the man's guts since the first time he slapped her, so my not caring about his death shouldn't have surprised her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 86

Today, I learned that the co-worker who was out sick for months, whom I covered down for, received a much larger cash award than I did. This is despite me working there longer, taking on additional details, and receiving a glowing annual review. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 136

Today, I had a fight with my sister. Back when I was a chubby teen, I was made to wear a woman's panty girdle and hated it. She used to taunt me with slogans like, "Is your girdle killing you?", "Can you believe it's a girdle?" etc. Today she yelled, "Don't bust your girdle!" It's been years and the bitch still won't let up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 110