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By Female - 29/09/2016 03:26 - United States - Montebello

Today, I was excited to finally get an interview after being unemployed since getting out of the military nearly a year ago. Turns out, they weren't even interested in hiring me. They'd just never met a female Marine before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 505

You deserved it 827

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 08/08/2019 06:00

Today, like any other day, I look just like Kim Jung-un. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 550

You deserved it 221

By thanks gramps - 19/04/2013 07:27 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 837

You deserved it 9 904

By Anonymous - 26/05/2014 11:37 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 548

You deserved it 5 873

By Anonymous - 02/09/2017 13:00

Today, changing the garbage in the bathroom at work resulted in a hospital visit after an incorrectly disposed used needle scraped into my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 109

You deserved it 226

Remember One Direction stans?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 432

You deserved it 5 815

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 11:00

Today, my hotel room key wouldn't open my door. Maintenance had to come let me in. My giant dildo was out on the table. I'm a 250-pound man, traveling alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 1 424

By Justcan'twin - 09/10/2017 16:45

Today, at 5:30 on a Sunday, I noticed my tire had a bubble in it. I found a tire shop 15 minutes away that would be closing at 6pm and made it there in time, but the shop had closed early. I left to try and make it to the next one and had a blow out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 599

You deserved it 311

Conflict Resolution

By FML Approved - 06/10/2017 03:00

This is basically me during every conflict I've ever witnessed.

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 113

Sharing is caring

By Cirese Summerrose - 21/09/2019 18:00

Today, I found out I have herpes. I'm 9 months pregnant and have only been with my husband. It just so happens that our roommate just got over herpes. I thought they were just spending time together, bonding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 331

You deserved it 285

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 682

You deserved it 38 036

By severely late.... again! - 26/10/2017 22:56

Today, as I got on the bus to commute to work, its front right tire exploded. Everyone, including the driver, glared at me while getting off. The next bus arrives in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 999

You deserved it 273

By onedollar - 24/07/2010 21:56 - Venezuela

Today, someone gave me 13 dollar bills. I rejected one because I'm very superstitious about the unlucky 13. Later, I waited half an hour in the car for someone to bring me exactly 1 dollar because I did not have enough for the parking fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 691

You deserved it 65 722

By kaichennnxx - 17/03/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 288

You deserved it 31 968

Relax!

By still sore - 12/10/2019 19:00

Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 923

You deserved it 228

Christmas is canceled

By Virginia6810 - 14/10/2019 02:00

Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 170

By fannylovesfelix - 10/03/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, my cat got into the bathroom while I was changing my tampon. As I was throwing the applicator away, I felt a sharp pain around my vagina; I looked down to find him swatting at the tampon string. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 762

You deserved it 11 905

fannylovesfelix tells us more.

fannylovesfelix 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 4:52

Hiii... My bathroom is insanely tiny. Think airplane bathroom small; I can lean over from the toilet to reach the sink/trash can, so...I was leaning over from the toilet. Fail, I know. Lesson learned. Also, my door doesn't completely shut so he can pry it open. Ehh, or he cries and well...I feel bad. I've given up on keeping him out. : On a lighter note, it doesn't hurt anymore. Also, he's cute enough that I forgive him. :)

AAARGH

By lanu - 13/03/2012 16:13 - United States

Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 214

You deserved it 2 592

Bon appetit!

By Fattie - 28/10/2019 06:00

Today, I'm on a diet. I was compelled to start it when the only pet name my boyfriend could think of for me yesterday was, "My baby elephant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 294

By Sharibabi65 - 07/03/2012 06:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 493

You deserved it 6 859

Beady eye

By Anonymous - 16/11/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 2 269

Crackers

By buryuntime - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paperwork. Later, she asked me, "What does caucasian mean?" I replied, "Why?" Apparently she didn't recognize the word, so she checked "Other" and wrote in "White". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 975

You deserved it 5 580

Kinda heartless, but OK

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, it’s been almost a month and a half of no intimacy between my boyfriend and me. To spice things up, I started going down on him. He burst out crying after a couple of minutes because he "misses his sister." The funeral was nearly 2 months ago already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 3 262

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 1 815

Random access memory

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Newcastle

Today, it's my 7-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I was excited so I asked him what day it was and he said, "Wednesday?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 709

You deserved it 2 742

No chance

By Anonymous - 21/02/2020 20:00

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 924

Our house, was a very very very nice house

By Anonymous - 06/03/2020 18:00

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 317

You deserved it 263

By amythest - 13/02/2012 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 915

You deserved it 3 156

Jackson Galaxy wanabee

By oh.geez - 05/02/2012 08:00 - United States

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 186

You deserved it 4 900

By Noname - 16/02/2009 00:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 069

You deserved it 10 616

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Today, I chatted to a nice guy and gave him my number. I told him I was going to sleep because I had a headache, and then put my phone on silent. He rang multiple times, and when I obviously didn't pick up, he sent several texts insulting me and calling me gutless for not responding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 819

You deserved it 4 155

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 171

You deserved it 8 552

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 337

You deserved it 3 073

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 690

You deserved it 5 736

Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 303

Today, my dad insists he knows best when it comes to DIY, since he is a big mathematics professor, while I am a mere labourer with dozens of City and Guilds qualifications. He owns one hammer, an unopened screwdriver set, and a wood saw with a broken handle, but sure, he knows better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 83