The Top

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Tearaway

By Anonymous - 31/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I’m 9 months pregnant. I was in a grocery store when this little hellspawn came tearing ass down the aisle right at me. I instinctively turned to the side to protect my belly, while the brat crashed into my hip and fell backward. His cunt of a mother cussed me out for knocking down her “baby”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 80

One stop cop shop

By Triumvirate - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that making an illegal U-turn right after you see a cop doing one will not stop said cop from ticketing you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 796

You deserved it 42 728

Suspicious activity

By Lexa - 02/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my husband made an elaborate heartfelt speech to a female colleague regarding her job promotion during her celebration dinner that had everyone in tears. During our wedding, he insisted on not do wedding vows because he “doesn’t like all that emotional shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 94

A boy can dream

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 00:30

Today, I told my family about my dreams to get a modern car and house with my girlfriend, since I'm tired of fixing my '90s car and paying for my dad's rent and doing all his housework. They then told me I'm selfish for trying to leave them and that I don't care about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 106

Get the message

By Smelly - 05/04/2022 16:00

Today, it’s my birthday. At work, at my desk, I found this beautiful gift-wrapped box and a card that read, “From all of us, we really care about you, and hope you like your present!” I opened the box. It had body shower gel, deodorant, soap, fragrance spray, and “frizz shampoo.” Hint taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 459

Daddy issues

By Tom - 29/12/2024 00:00 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I ended a relationship because she told me that I was "like a father." FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 147

One stop shop

By Clueless - 05/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I took my car in because the AC had stopped working. The mechanic turned it on, pressed one button, and cold air started blasting. I'd seemingly switched it to heat three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 462

The mainframe had been haxored

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 02:01

Today, I found out my email hasn't been working for 10 days. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but it just so happens that a position opened up for my dream job while this was happening. I would have gotten the job, but instead they gave it to someone I just finished training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 126

Happy new year, huh?

By Anonymous - 02/01/2025 03:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, my husband of 12 years announced that he wants a divorce and that he hadn't liked me in YEARS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 145

Free money

By Nick - 09/08/2026 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 in an old jacket and celebrated by buying myself a fancy lunch (well, Burger King, but that just goes to show how well I'm doing in this economy). When I got home, I realized I'd left my wallet at the restaurant while paying with the $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 172

That dang Ozempic

By Anonymous - 03/01/2025 03:00 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I’ve worked hard to lose ten kilos. It took daily workouts and walking 10 kms a day to make the weight finally move, and I’m the fittest I’ve been in years. My mum, after having not seen me for a while, says in front of everyone during the holidays, “Wow, those injections have worked for you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 93

Bathroom police

By Anonymous - 12/08/2026 22:00 - The Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, it was 5th period and I went to the year 11 bathroom. I came out, and there was a crowd of people outside. Someone said, "Um, that's the boys bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 225

Classic

By Anonymous - 04/01/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I thought my car had been stolen because I couldn’t for the life of me find it in the office car park. I panicked and called the cops, only to remember I had taken my bike to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 542

Heavy load

By Anonymous - 13/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Boise

Today, my cat knocked the TV remote behind our heavy couch. I reached for it, got stuck halfway underneath, and had to call my roommate for help. She found me face-down on the carpet wearing one sock and asked if this was “an emergency or drugs?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 112

Who are you calling random?!

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 12:00 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I failed a calculus exam because I simply was too burnt out to study for it. I have not wanted to even look at a math problem since the beginning of the year, and I procrastinate all day instead of doing work, and it leads me here, typing at 2 a.m. to random strangers while having to get up tomorrow at 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 1 181

How to dismantle flat pack furniture

By Anonymous - 08/01/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I spent hours assembling a bookshelf I'd bought online. Once it was finally done, I realized I’d put the back panel on backwards, so now there’s a "Made in China" label facing the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 443

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 12:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was trying pillow talk with this guy I met at the bar that night. I’m thinking he’s going to say something cute, but he told me, "One time, I was bored, so I went to a liquor store and robbed an Asian man and put his bag over his head." I just wanted to pillow talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 136

Insurance is a scam

By leogs23 - 27/02/2021 16:58

Today, my fiancée wrecked my car so I had to use my other car to pick her up. Ten minutes after I did, my other car broke down in the middle of the road and I had to get it towed. My insurance covers none of these incidents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 227

Loyalty

By No way - 10/01/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I discovered my cat prefers my neighbour. I know this because she posted pictures of him on Instagram, captioned "My new baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 195

Surveillance 24/7

By Traveller - 18/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my smart fridge sent me a notification saying the door had been left open. I ran downstairs, and discovered I had apparently connected the fridge to my phone correctly. For some reason, it was warning me about the open door in the hotel room three cities away that I'd stayed in last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 257

Butter fingers

By Anonymous - 20/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I was waiting for my pizza delivery, which I had foolishly chosen to arrive at 5pm in the middle of rush hour. The pizza was roughly 30 minutes late due to this and I was so happy to get my pizza, I tried to help get the pizza out of the warming bag and somehow caused the delivery guy to drop his smartphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 413

Scarcity

By Niniva - 01/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Dahlonega

Today, after several hours, two pharmacies, several bus rides, $20, and many phone calls, I returned home. Guess who still doesn't have a glucose monitor? Yup, I have to go do this all again tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 106

Nasty

By What an asshole - 14/01/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, as I crawled into bed and hid under my blanket, I was hit with a very strong and familiar smell. The smell of piss. My cat had peed all over my only blanket. Guess I'll sleep under the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 161

Messy bitch

By Clean up - 22/08/2026 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by cleaning the entire apartment before he came home. I even lit a candle and put fresh flowers on the table. When he walked in, he stared at everything and said, “Did someone come over?” My boyfriend thought a cleaning service had been hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 104

Crop me out

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 10:00

Today, after wasting $60 and 3 hours of my time getting my hair dyed to get rid of the ugly orange tint it had from the last time I got my hair dyed, it turned out to be the exact same color I started with. I go on vacation in 6 days and hate my hair. I'm not looking forward to taking pictures, that’s for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 676

Fleeting

By Anonymous - 26/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I took my step-kids and left my abusive husband. I've just been informed that I'm being accused of kidnapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 195

Gooey mess

By Lauren - 28/08/2026 03:00 - Canada

Today, I volunteered to bring a homemade dessert to a family dinner. I made a cheesecake, decorated it beautifully, and carried it across town on the train. When I arrived, everyone complimented it. Then I realized I'd forgotten the removable bottom of the pan, so the cheesecake was still sitting inside a metal ring and couldn't be served. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 269

Always tip generously

By Fuck you guys! - 15/08/2023 06:00

Today, I overheard a waitress calling me a cheapskate because I left a $2 tip on a $9 tab. When I told her she was ungrateful, rude, and unprofessional, she burst into tears and told the manager I’d threatened her. I was then banned from the restaurant, all while the little twat smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 251

Are you all OK?

By Anonymous - 19/01/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, TikTok got banned. It was my place for when I’m bored. I’m literally crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 1 044

Not going back

By FHL too. - 02/09/2026 00:00 - Mexico

Today, I found my ex on Bumble for the second time. She lives with her husband, whom she married a decade ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 97

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The Top

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 1 182

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 904

You deserved it 326 760

Random

Today, my dad's order of hair clippers arrived. I've been putting off getting a haircut for a while now, and he offered to give me one for free. Long story short, he managed to ruin the hair clippers, and I now look like a diseased palm tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 293

You deserved it 3 308

Today, I walked in to my apartment to see my husband sitting there with his toes painted pink. When I asked him why, he said, "I wanted to feel pretty." This is the man who is about to be the father of my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 433

You deserved it 9 020

Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 238

You deserved it 36 275

Today, I finally received counselling for my horrible and irrational fear of abandonment. After sitting in the waiting room for two hours, I got a phone call from my therapist. She'd forgotten I was there and gone for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 724

You deserved it 291

Today, I went to get a banana for breakfast and said to my mom, with whom I currently live at age 32 because of Covid, that I don't normally eat bananas, but it looked good. She looked at me and said, "You clearly need to get yourself a man." She's right, but jeez! Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 263

Today, I work at a craft store. One of the things we sell are wooden numbers. If I had a dollar for every time a random kid took all the 6's and 7's and lined them up across the floor, forcing me to stop what I'm doing in order to go put them back, I'd probably have more than $67. It's an almost daily occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 60