The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By shavednipples - 11/10/2015 17:59 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, my brother slapped me across the face with a piece of raw chicken for not liking his Instagram post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 628

You deserved it 4 359

shavednipples tells us more.

shavednipples 22

Monday 12 October 2015 17:30

Hey y'all! Just to clarify, my brother is the same age as me (we're twins). When I told him I wasn't going to like his post (it was just a video of a fireworks show), he took a chicken breast and slapped me. We were preparing chicken for dinner that night, so it was already out and thawed. I did end up getting salmonella, however, I'm not sure if it was from the slap or from eating the chicken itself at dinner. Either way, it was shitty. Also, about my username, I use it for a lot of social media accounts and I've had this account for a while. I know if you don't have an account, you can choose a name to post it under and it usually has to do with the post, but that wasn't the case here. Cheers!!

By Anonymous - 08/12/2016 09:35

Today, it's been so long since my fiancé and I have had sex I now apparently have dreams about all-night unprotected screwing marathons with George Bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 331

You deserved it 1 453

By porcelainleigh - 23/11/2016 19:41 - United States

Today, I got engaged. I called my mom and told her. "You didn't say yes, did you?" she said. Afterwards, I told my dad. "Uh, Congratulations. But, I have questions." Thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 524

You deserved it 1 078

By Fffhjno - 28/09/2016 18:15 - United States - Providence

Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 127

You deserved it 1 199

By frogdog563 - 01/09/2019 14:00

Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 387

The cake was not a lie.

By Alex Knight - 07/11/2017 19:00

Today, I bought a cake. I then immediately forgot what I was carrying, opened the door to my car, and tossed the bag into the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 4 148

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 20:00

Today, I asked the girl who has a crush on me if she was autistic. She replied without hesitation, "I can be whatever you want me to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 1 111

By Medfail - 20/06/2016 07:13 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 668

You deserved it 13 725

buys case of Listerine

By Sick Guy - 24/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 968

You deserved it 368

By confused_cashier - 12/06/2016 01:34 - United States - Herndon

Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 321

You deserved it 1 453

By horribletimeeverywhere74747 - 11/04/2018 13:00 - United States - Navarre

Today, the girl who'd asked me to prom told me she assumed we weren't going together and is now going with her friends. After agreeing to go with her, I'd bought a $200 non-refundable suit along with the ticket. I have no one else to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 587

You deserved it 396

By dead_painter - 04/05/2016 00:42 - United States - Arlington

Today, after spending hours of my time painting sets for the last two months - with less dedication than only the head painter herself, and to the point where my health and grades suffered - I finally got to see the play I worked so hard on. I was the only one they forgot to put in the playbill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 166

You deserved it 1 368

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Bronx

Today, I got locked in my boyfriend's garage in my underwear while his parents ripped him a new one for having sex beneath their roof. His sister had to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 595

You deserved it 5 067

Eat them

By fatcat - 05/09/2018 16:30 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was told to stop processing certain transactions at work because I'd tried to make rich people follow the same tax rules that we force poor people to follow to the letter. I'm guessing it won't be too long till I'm fired and blacklisted from this career I've had ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 160

You deserved it 257

By Anonymous - 07/09/2018 22:00

Today, my lazy, obese mother took the last motor cart at the grocery store. My leg is in a cast. She told me to "use the shopping cart to help with the limp" as she rolled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 408

You deserved it 238

By Anonymous - 15/09/2018 18:30

Today, my fiancé accused me of cheating and broke up with me. I texted his best friend, who I've never talked to before, to see if he could talk some sense into my ex. Turns out he has several fiancées and was cheating on me since day one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 618

You deserved it 262

The best day of your life

By sadbride - 09/10/2018 13:30

Today, my mom told me she is serving lasagna and Italian cream cake at my bridal shower. I'm severely lactose intolerant, which I have been telling her for years. She responded by telling me, and I quote, "The food is for the guests." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 339

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 821

You deserved it 5 512

By Anonymous - 16/02/2016 00:01 - United States

Today, I fractured two ribs from coughing. My doctor told me to stop coughing, or I would fracture them more. I have bronchitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 250

You deserved it 1 267

By Joy - 05/11/2018 10:30 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my cat got stuck under the dishwasher. After getting her out, I put her in the washroom to prevent her from bugging me while I closed off the bottom of the dishwasher so she can't get stuck again. She locked herself in the washroom by opening the drawer directly behind the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 776

You deserved it 397

By Anonymous - 07/02/2016 06:11 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, barely 2 hours into a 5 hour car ride home, my mom accidentally let slip that she's been cheating on my dad. I had to sit with the bitch in a diner for ages while my dad bawled his eyes out alone in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 766

You deserved it 1 665

Insanity

By mental - 02/09/2019 18:01 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I had my first appointment with my new therapist. After I told her my family history and past abusive situations, she looked at me and asked, "How are you still sane?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 159

By Oh Deer - 14/02/2017 18:26 - United States - Phoenix

Today, a deer hit my car. I stopped to check on it, expecting it to be dead in the road or a ditch. The fucker was staring at me from the top of the hill and pranced off just fine. I get $800 in front-end damage and I'm still finding hair and fecal matter on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 050

You deserved it 731

IDidntKillADeer tells us more.

IDidntKillADeer 0

Wednesday 15 February 2017 1:19

OP here, first of all I didn't expect this to get published. I was just blowing off steam on my favorite site. So, for the rude people, no i am not mad the deer didn't die. If anything I'm happy. This happened 3 years ago in Michigan. It was summer and deer weren't known to be around this BUSY road. My insurance did cover the damages. Me and the deer walked away shaken but alright. I had called a officer to the scene to make a report for the insurance and he had found the deer nearby with some scrapes. The only sad thing is that Bambi's mother was watching from a nearby hill and I'm pretty sure all animals are out to get me now as this wasnt my last incident with an animal hitting my car. Thank you to the funny and thoughtful people who commented. Again, I never expected this to get published nor seen. So don't be a Dick. I'm sensitive. ???