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Girls' trip!

By solo - 12/10/2023 10:00

Today, I'm on a road trip with my girlfriends, and they're all telling each other stories about their sex lives. Me, as I'm a virgin, I'm writing this FML, bored to death due to not having anything to contribute to the conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 187

Creeped out

By shawty - 22/08/2010 12:14 - Australia

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 241

You deserved it 6 484

The Conquest of Bread

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 11:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 274

Unruly meets incompetence

By Anonymous - 14/10/2023 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the library when police arrested me for threatening people. The librarian even told them I did nothing wrong, and that the actual girl they wanted had already left. They took me in anyway. My dad sided with the police and let me “think about what I did” in jail overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 91

By Dora - 12/10/2009 13:21 - Canada

Today, I won 10,555 dollars on scratch cards! My sister got me to do a happy dance and filmed it. The video is on facebook and the tickets were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 289

You deserved it 7 993

Outcast

By Anonymous - 10/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out the real reason I always had trouble making/keeping friends as a kid and why I wasn’t invited to anything. My parents were aggressive swingers and either successfully fucked, or came on to, every couple wherever we moved. Thanks, you horny bastards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 94

By sadSarah - 01/05/2014 09:59 - United States - New York

Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 330

You deserved it 4 804

Bad timing

By Bogrbon - 30/06/2022 04:00

Today, on the first day of the first week off together with my family in six months, we’re all quarantined with positive COVID tests. By the time we’re off quarantine, I’ll be back at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 165

By Anonymous - 10/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 218

You deserved it 36 719

Fake news

By pig! - 20/10/2023 14:00

Today, I went out on a first date. He was funny, laidback, and handsome. We had an amazing time but I declined to go back to his house, not wanting to rush things. He said he understood and respected my choice. Later online he bragged about “banging some cheap slut for the price of a meal.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 211

Permission denied

By Eliz - 20/07/2022 00:00

Today, I decided it was a good day to get my first tattoo since turning 18. Today, my parents decided it was a good day to make me homeless, because they are religious nutjobs that still live in the 19th century. Oh, and they’re no longer paying for my tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 1 321

Gentrification

By Broke boy - 16/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, after I got a second job to help cover rent, my landlord just raised it anyway “because the neighborhood is up-and-coming.” There’s still a pothole the size of a kiddie pool in front of my building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 77

By questionmark707 - 12/04/2012 23:53 - United States - Fullerton

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 364

You deserved it 7 292

By mjohnston - 27/03/2009 14:47 - United States

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 624

You deserved it 13 711

Lonesome tonight

By Anonymous - 18/07/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, and ever since my parents started watching "Love on the Spectrum", they've have been trying to play matchmaker with me and the women on the show, since I'm autistic and single. Unfortunately, they've been unsuccessful. The universe is dropping hints - hints that I will probably remain painfully single for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 156

Mixology

By Smokin' drinks - 24/10/2023 16:00 - South Africa - Durbanville

Today, for the 20th time, I poured wine into my ashtray, while the glass was next to it. I also have the bad habit of tipping my ash into my drink. What the fuck is wrong with me? Maybe I should look at what I'm doing instead of the PC screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 1 323

By disgusteddaughter - 13/06/2011 08:58 - Australia

Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 775

You deserved it 3 428

Good morning!

By 3lavyaa - 07/10/2009 12:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and the sun was blinding me through my attic window. I have no blinds so I got a poster from my wall and stuck it to the wood on my window with nails. Turns out I have wood rot, and my entire window fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 108

You deserved it 4 794

Wrong place, right time

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 12:00 - Australia - Cairns

Today, a co-worker came back from his honeymoon. He passed by my office to say hi, and mentioned, "I heard you're getting married next year?" I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. He's taking his things out of the house as I write this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 183

Under pressure

By No Pressure - 06/07/2022 04:00

Today, my mom asked me out of the blue if I was ever going to consider getting married. It wasn't until after the conversation ended that I remembered my siblings are all either single like I am, or incapable of having children. I am my mother's last hope of becoming a grandma, and she reminds me all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 141

Go vegan for the economy

By Anonymous - 21/04/2025 00:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, I argued with my roommate about which eggs to buy: organic, pasture-raised, free-range, or AI-verified climate-positive. We settled on whatever was cheapest. They were $9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 390

Damian?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 06:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 244

You deserved it 116

Pigpen

By Anonymous - 23/04/2025 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband is furious with me for hurting his daughter’s feelings. Neither he nor his ex make her shower and she smells disgusting! It’s nearly impossible to even sit in the same room with her, as her odor changes the smell of the entire space. All I did was suggest a bath and she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 121

Pay up, sunshine

By DebbiemontG - 19/09/2019 16:01

Today, after a whole summer of waiting, I went to check my school's website so that I could start my first year again since I had some complications the first time round. I found out that they'd blocked my account and that the fee I'd have to pay was now triple the original. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 252

Eight hour window

By fishyrael - 12/07/2022 06:00 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I got home an hour late from to find that my roommate had left the fridge open for the entire 8 hours. The kicker is that I was an hour late because I was at the grocery store, not buying the things that were getting ruined because I thought we had some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 90

Classic

By Anonymous - 01/11/2023 15:00 - Canada - Kitimat

Today, imagine getting involved with a guy that makes it pretty obvious he likes you, acts likes he’s single, to eventually find out yourself, months after being with him, that he indeed has a wife and kids. So you ask him about it and he deadass says, "Well you never asked.” Okay lol, stupid me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 115

By littleman - 06/04/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I realized I'm too short to use the urinals at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 482

You deserved it 2 991

By ditched?? - 06/08/2010 09:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving around town in his car. To my surprise he took me out to lunch. As we were leaving, a girl walks up and asks if he had room for one more for a ride, sadly he only has two seats in his car. Guess who had to walk! FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 389

You deserved it 5 726

By unloved - 23/03/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded, "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded, "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 975

You deserved it 8 721

By Adalia - 03/10/2009 15:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I wore a beautiful new dress that I got for £5 only in a sale. I've been turning heads in it all day. When I got home, my mum pulled the massive red £5 tag off of the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 808

You deserved it 39 455

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The Top

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739 141

You deserved it 496 175

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 1 182

Random

Today, I stepped on the scale and realized that I weigh more than the amount of money that I have in my bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 205

You deserved it 8 085

Today, at work, a coworker started to tell me about his weekend, without me even asking. Halfway through his story, I started to daydream and lost track of time. Bored, I told him, "Hey man, I'll call you back, I've got to get back to work." Then I remembered I wasn't on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 397

You deserved it 46 364

Today, my mom thought it would be funny to wake me up with a monster mask on, holding a knife, and screaming, "I'm going to kill you!" My first response was to punch her in the face then kick her. Guess who's grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 104

Today, my husband moved out while I was out of town. The only thing of his he left behind was a copy of Paradise Lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 147

Today, on the third day of my first holiday ever, I still have food in my stomach from the first night. Yesterday I tried to walk up the beach and ended up crying in immense pain. I guess a holiday wasn't such a great idea after being diagnosed with gastroparesis a couple of weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 168

Today, my husband bought a Pokémon game and started playing it in bed. It's like I'm married to an eight year-old boy. Why can't I have a normal man, who reads books or even plays normal games for an adult? I can barely look at him without feeling ashamed for settling with such an overgrown child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 1 144