The Top

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Simple answer

By pathetic - 29/05/2009 02:35 - Canada

Today, while getting ready for work, I realized that all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work, I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale, which confirmed that I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 087

You deserved it 59 371

Toxic cloud

By sick of this - 22/02/2022 06:01

Today, like every other day, if you are sick before or during work, you immediately get sent to get COVID tested. I don’t think my sickening pregnancy hormones need COVID testing, just fresh air away from my coworker who has sulfur running through his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 142

Hostile takeover

By Anonymous - 14/05/2023 03:00 - Netherlands - Zwolle

Today, I was informed that the company I work for has been taken over by the previous company I worked for. I left that company with a burn-out, after years of 60-75 hour weeks, so I'll soon be working for them again in the exact same department I so happily left behind last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 13/07/2013 16:16 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 242

You deserved it 3 640

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, I got home late after a long day at work and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. As soon as the water in the shower was hot, I got in. One minute, I was standing and the next I was fast asleep at the bottom of the tub. I woke up with my face swollen and my shoulder bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 527

You deserved it 5 268

By Arrgh - 27/05/2009 07:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on webcam with someone and the conversation died so I said "brb". I sat there for five minutes not realising I had left my webcam on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 941

You deserved it 79 991

By dangit - 11/09/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, I went to interview with potential new roommates at a cooperative living house. I decided to bake cookies for everyone, and while touring the house, I forgot about the cookies and set off a small oven fire. All this after professing how responsible I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 058

You deserved it 14 283

Kicking me when I'm down

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I was "letting myself go". When I told the little girl I babysit in the afternoons why I was so upset, she looked at me for a moment before saying, "Well, I definitely can't blame him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 748

You deserved it 8 446

Don't touch me

By squishyboy - 26/05/2009 08:23 - New Zealand

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, "I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 700

You deserved it 7 851

Free glasses for all

By Kat - 12/02/2022 00:01 - New Zealand - Gisborne

Today, as I was hanging washing out in the sun, a huge cicada flew into my face and somehow got behind my glasses. I screamed and ripped them off and ran away. I came back to a broken pair of VERY expensive glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 420

Reach out, seek help

By Just being over dramatic, apparently - 11/03/2022 04:00

Today, I realized there are only three things keeping me from committing suicide: My pets, my fictional comfort character, and the knowledge that if I failed, I’d not only be institutionalized, but be kicked out of my very Catholic high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 161

Needy old man

By Anonymous - 24/05/2023 12:00 - Australia

Today, it's been 3 days since my 95 year-old grandfather got a Vital Call (a big red button to call someone in an emergency). As I live close by, I'm one of the main contacts. I've been called over 6 times, most recently at 1:30 a.m. because he couldn't pull his pants up. He needs to be in a nursing home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 109

Overreaction much?

By Anonymous - 04/10/2014 15:17 - Denmark

Today, my allergies flared up and I started sneezing. I guess my girlfriend was having a bad day, because she lost her shit and started telling me how annoying I am and how I can never do anything right. I'm not sure if we're still a couple, because she stormed out and won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 033

You deserved it 3 329

By embarrassed niece - 09/07/2013 16:15 - United States - Cumming

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 850

You deserved it 50 190

By monochrometea - 09/09/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 909

You deserved it 2 377

By Hairball - 10/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 674

You deserved it 3 163

Bad omen

By KaRaBeAr24 - 17/03/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I got hit and totaled my new car, on my way to get married, with my fiancé and kids in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 121

Telepathy?

By So tired - 24/05/2023 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my incredibly needy rescue cat - who knows she doesn't get to go into my bedroom at night - decided that she needed to wail and scratch the bedroom door from midnight until 5 a.m. Now that I'm awake, she's ignoring me because she knows I'm mad at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 391

Tough crowd

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my application for a holiday role at a department store was declined because I was "not as qualified as some other candidates." I worked this exact same job at this exact same store last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 94

Scammers

By insurance lies - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 035

You deserved it 4 003

One law for me…

By Anonymous - 21/12/2020 17:02 - Australia

Today, I got disciplined for sleeping on night shifts, by my boss, who also sleeps on night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 405

Fine print

By Anonymous - 22/10/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that when your contract includes the words “additional duties, as required” it actually means the 4 other people on your team will all stick some of their least favourite duties on you without you noticing, so that you end up doing 50% of the workload of a 5 person team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 87

By poisongrl - 06/09/2011 22:53 - Macedonia

Today, it's my birthday. My dad came to pick me up, but after I had put my backpack in the back seat and closed the car door, he drove off without me. It started to rain, and I was without my phone or wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 980

You deserved it 2 444

By Violated - 09/12/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the train and accidentally wound up resting my head on a strange man's shoulder. When I woke up, I discovered that not only did he not object, but he decided to return the favor by resting his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 854

You deserved it 19 229

By arrestedgun - 23/05/2009 07:37 - Canada

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 411

You deserved it 58 660

By Anonymous - 27/09/2014 23:55 - United States - Flemington

Today, I realized how weak I truly am when I tore a muscle in my hand trying to discreetly fix a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 668

You deserved it 6 569

What am I doing?

By forever young - 05/07/2013 15:16 - United States

Today, I Googled "How to act like an adult." I'm 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 427

You deserved it 52 849

All over the place

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 12:00 - Australia

Today, I run a business with my partner, and work at a separate business as an employee. My partner got Covid, so our business is closed for now. I got it from him, but still need to work at the other place because the only other employee flew to Turkey on holiday, and the owner has no idea how to run her own business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 147

Close call

By Anonymous - 31/10/2024 12:00 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I woke up and realized I had to pee sooo bad. The problem was, I sleep naked with my partner, who lives with one of their sisters. I didn't have time to get dressed before running to a shared bathroom, and even then I "drizzled" a little bit on the bathroom floor. I cleaned it and myself up but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 513

Stay at home

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 14:01 - Canada

Today, after working several months through the pandemic at a medical clinic, my coworkers and I got a gift to thank us for our hard work during this time. Was it a raise or a bonus? Nah. Just a small Tupperware container. We were also told later on that all time-off requests were suspended until further notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 90

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The Top

Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 157

You deserved it 61 015

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 147

You deserved it 476 373

Random

Today, my roommate blamed me after her cat got shocked after chewing through my phone charger cable. The same one my roommate stole to charge her tablet. Yet it's still somehow my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 269

You deserved it 1 415

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 830

You deserved it 2 201

Today, a dog bit me on the bus. Instead of apologising, its owner said it was my fault because my hands "must smell of meat". I'm a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 222

You deserved it 2 725

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 789

You deserved it 2 723

Today, I found out the hard way what it sounds like when you take the first letter of my first name, A, and put it with my last name, Hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 728

You deserved it 3 898

Today, two people at work - both higher up than me - called me out for "stomping" when I walk up stairs. I have a disability that causes this. We work at a place specifically for disabled people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 99