The Top

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Go ahead

By Anonymous - 22/06/2022 04:00

Today, I spent four hours listening to my mom berating me about how I needed to throw all my stuff out as she helped move me. Over 2/3 is hers. About 1/4 is my dad’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 874

Give it your best shot

By Staywidowed - 08/04/2021 23:00

Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked up with a male friend. I'm so out of practice, I honestly believe round-two the next morning was out of pity more than actual interest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 235

By Devon - 03/09/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 093

You deserved it 5 049

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 13:36 - Sweden

Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 512

You deserved it 2 898

Productivity Queen

By NoJustNo - 13/06/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, my new office mate offered to let me smell her deodorant. This was after clipping her nails, before pulling out her needle point project, and while complaining how overworked she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 101

No good deed…

By cantwin - 02/10/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend returned from a two day trip. I'd spent the time cleaning the house and working on house projects, so she wouldn't come home and be stressed. She got upset when she got home because the house was clean, and it made her feel inadequate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 100

By rugernut13 - 16/10/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 198

You deserved it 6 463

Fat chance

By Dave - 23/04/2012 13:22 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 662

You deserved it 22 070

Get out!

By birdhater - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, the bird that has been stuck in my roof for two days, keeping me awake at night, finally flew out of the roof and into the house. As I was opening the door to send it outside, it flew straight back up into the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 208

You deserved it 2 751

UXB alert!

By Uncle Victim - 10/10/2023 05:00

Today, my three idiot nephews dug up a vintage bomb while "digging a hole to China." I told them not to touch it, and went in to call the police. As I did so, they took it to a pawn shop to sell as an antique. The pawn shop called the cops on them, and the cops are now on to me as they're crying, saying selling it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 113

Call CPS

By Help please - 31/03/2025 12:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I caught my son "experimenting" with his female friend. When I called her mom and told her what was happening, she said, "I didn't raise a whore. You can keep her!" and hung up. They're both 9. I have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 144

Meat is murder

By Ihatepigsnow - 07/07/2022 14:00

Today, I was at my uncle’s farm and his pig had piglets. They looked super adorable, so I picked one up. The poor thing started shrieking bloody murder. Mama pig wasn’t too happy. I have the stitches to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 1 329

What you looking at?

By Anonymous - 12/10/2023 05:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, my partner had teletherapy early in the morning, so I was in rush to leave the apartment. I threw on clothes, and at the end of the day (at around 3 p.m.) I felt like someone at me a little funny as I was getting off an elevator. I looked in the mirror and realized my leggings had been on inside out all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 227

Bundled

By Anonymous - 01/04/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I cancelled all my streaming subscriptions and signed up for a “bundle deal” to save money. Turns out the deal was just all my old subscriptions repackaged under a new name. I’m still paying the same price, but now with ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 473

Sweet talking

By ... - 21/04/2012 02:49 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I called my mobile phone provider to end my contract. A sales rep spent over half an hour trying to convince me to reconsider, and I kept refusing. I ended up breaking down and accepting a "more economical" contract, which I didn't notice costs almost twice as much as the last one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 074

You deserved it 38 435

By Squishy - 22/08/2010 23:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my loving boyfriend told me that he wanted to go to the cinema with the girl he loves. The other girl he loves, but don't worry it's "not" a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 583

You deserved it 3 144

Anyway, here's Wonderwall

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 390

You deserved it 80 508

Droning on

By macone - 24/04/2021 21:30

Today, a colleague crashed a drone into my almost brand new car. I even asked him before if it was OK to park there or if I should better park somewhere else, and he said, "No problem" and bragged about being the best drone pilot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 133

Carplayed out

By Anonymous - 04/04/2025 15:00 - Australia

Today, I couldn’t find my phone as I left work, but knew it was on me since CarPlay connected. Later, the music cut out speeding up onto the freeway. I then recalled placing it on the roof as I loaded up the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 520

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 07:24 - United States - Duncannon

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 417

You deserved it 3 997

Bunch of NPCs

By Anonymous - 24/06/2022 16:00

Today, my manager sat me down and insinuated that it's my fault that our new hires are useless. Not one person ever told me that I was responsible for training them. I'm not in charge, and they've been here for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 87

Naughty boy

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 17:36 - United States

Today, seconds after my mom put my Yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 399

You deserved it 3 593

**** you, Steve

By Not Steve - 08/04/2025 22:00 - United States - Sacramento

Today, after my company laid off half the contractors I usually deal with and replaced them with AI tools, I spent my day “collaborating” with a chatbot that keeps calling me Steve. My name isn’t Steve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 66

By MadSon - 11/10/2009 02:59 - United States

Today, my dad had something to tell me. He'd cleaned out my bank account to pay off 38,000 dollars worth of gambling debt. My wedding is in 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 073

You deserved it 4 120

Probably not

By Anonymous - 27/06/2022 22:00

Today, I realized that I divorced my husband of 36 years and took up with a new man, just be in exactly the same situation I was in before. Will I never learn? FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 1 378

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

By huh? - 18/10/2023 17:30

Today, someone asked me a question and I responded with, “What?” They said, “Are you deaf as well as stupid!?” then punched me in the throat. I’m actually hard of hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 127

Delay, deny, defend

By Anonymous - 11/04/2025 15:00 - United States - London

Today, I finally got insurance after months of paperwork, and so I went to the doctor. I was billed $873 for a "consultation" that pretty much consisted of being weighed and told to "Google it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 50

The more things change…

By J.O.S - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, airport security took away my 32$ eyelash curler, because it could be used as a weapon. I miss the '90s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 152

You deserved it 9 545

Time out

By Somebody kill me! - 02/05/2021 00:30

Today, after a year and a half of overexploitation at work without getting paid for it, I can finally have a deserved vacation. Why? I caught Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 155

All hunted out

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, I have killed at least several dozen flies over the course of the past few days. My cat, who used to be a fly killing machine, isn't doing shit to help me. She's not old or fat or anything, she's just lazy. Meanwhile, I had to go buy a water bottle with a cover to keep flies from going into my drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 258

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The Top

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 251

You deserved it 11 929

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 927

You deserved it 159 439

Random

Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 380

You deserved it 3 846

Today, I had to have a discussion with my 54-year-old mother about showering. She thinks it's perfectly OK to shower only once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 316

You deserved it 3 220

Today, I have to pack for tomorrow's family vacation. For one week I get to be stuck in a one bedroom cabin with my alcoholic father, bipolar mother, and two much younger siblings who have a passion for screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 32

Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 949

You deserved it 267

Today, I was put in charge of painting a storage shed. The company owner ordered me to paint it a shade of blue. The site manager order me to paint it red. My boss ordered green paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 75

Today, the pain in my ribs was so bad I thought it’d be a good idea to stick the 24-hour heat patch on my skin to get the best out of the heat. When I removed it, it tore a bunch of my skin off. And I still have rib pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 301