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By chubbyg - 20/09/2014 12:23 - Australia - Clarinda

Today, my boyfriend asked me when I was going to shave my arms now that summer is coming in Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 368

You deserved it 6 480

By MrandMrsRendon20 - 11/11/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, I complained to my boss about how my printer wasn't printing colored ink even though I had just installed a new cartridge yesterday. Upon investigation, she noted that I forgot to take off the protection sticker from the cartridge. Good job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 289

You deserved it 29 942

Skillset

By Anonymous - 07/06/2023 00:02

Today, my son has the bizarre ability to remember any movie or series he has ever watched, even from the sounds without seeing the screen. He just identified Jumanji by the sound of Van Pelt's rifle, despite not having watched the movie in years… yet he only passed two GCSEs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 215

By chicoallen - 31/08/2011 18:45 - United States

Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 010

You deserved it 2 228

Compassion

By Anemity_is_my_name - 07/01/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 96

Bye Felicia

By Anonymous - 07/11/2024 00:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, two weeks after giving my daughter-in-law a severe scolding for forcing my son to do chores and babysit the kids on his days off, I went to visit them and found out that they'd changed the locks, so my key no longer works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 2 057

Extreme disorderly conduct

By Anonymous - 13/06/2026 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 571

By butterball - 18/07/2012 14:41 - Israel - Palmahim

Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 172

You deserved it 6 589

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 5 283

Hmmm, steak

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 11:01

Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 1 010

Guilty feet have got no rhythm

By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 14:00

Today, I found out my wife of 19 years has been cheating on me. She told me that all the "cheating music" that she's been playing the last year and a half should've been a good enough hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 110

Suffer little humans

By Go away dude - 11/06/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 204

Treat yourself

By Terri - 08/11/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, in order to have a nice relaxing bubble bath, I lit candles, played soothing music, and poured myself a glass of wine. Just as I was about to get in, I slipped on a patch of wet floor, dumped the wine on myself, and fell backward into the tub… that didn't have any water in it. Now I’m soaked in wine and bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 146

By SinkyBalls - 30/08/2011 03:56 - Canada

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 721

You deserved it 2 829

By Ariella - 29/08/2011 04:06 - Singapore

Today, I found out that I was adopted. I'm 46 years old with 11 real siblings and no one bothered to tell me until I found the documents in my dead adoptive father's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 886

You deserved it 2 465

By penguinsfan - 16/05/2009 14:47 - Canada

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 137

You deserved it 53 829

Bad start

By Shamu - 20/04/2022 00:00

Today, after 4 years of being single, I decided to go back to the dating scene. I downloaded Tinder. My matches run for the hills as soon as I show them a full body pic of myself. One guy even told me to delete the app from my phone, because if “guys wanted to go whaling, they’d go out to sea.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 413

Thin spread

By Capitalism - 15/06/2023 06:00

Today, it's a long weekend and our restaurant is severely understaffed, with a record number of customers and 6 staff doing the work of the 10 who would usually be there. Other restaurants would have 14 staff on with those numbers. There is no chance in hell that will be reflected in our wages, however. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 125

Wandering soul

By Anonymous - 13/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I went on a scenic hike to clear my head and ended up lost for two hours. When I finally found my way back, I noticed the trail signs had big, bright arrows. How did I miss those? FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 402

Panic stations!

By Stressmess - 01/12/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, at 4 a.m., I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 518

You deserved it 9 700

By girlw/ablog - 02/07/2019 18:00 - United States - Austin

Today, while on a bus, an elderly lady sat next to me sneezed so hard, snot literally went flying. I even offered her a napkin, that she refused. After a brief panic and realizing she had nothing to clean her mess with, she "inconspicuously" wiped her snotty hand on my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 943

You deserved it 143

Memento

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 03:00

Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 545

By Hank - 14/05/2009 14:17 - Canada

Today, I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great, my brother and him would love to see the game. I said, no, I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 814

You deserved it 3 088

No words

By Jaccqui - 20/11/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 24/08/2011 06:34 - Canada

Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 330

You deserved it 9 566

What's the point?

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 19:58

Today, my university required us to set learning goals for each semester and then evaluate them later. And no, the answer, "I want to learn whatever they teach me in the classes I’m taking" isn't permitted. Neither is picking your own classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 176

Double trouble

By Trinity - 03/05/2022 00:01

Today, not only did I shit myself on my way to work, I left my house keys in the bathroom after I cleaned up. It's $90 to replace them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 178

Avoidance

By Anonymous - 25/06/2023 00:02

Today, we got back from vacation. In the lead up to our vacation, my girlfriend talked excitedly about all the sex we could have. When we got to the hotel, I heard, "I can't be comfortable, what if they hear us in the hall?" After we got home, first thing was, "I want to deep clean the bedroom, sex can wait." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 298

Controlling

By Anonymous - 21/11/2024 03:00 - United States - Holden

Today, I was finishing a conversation with my husband. His phone rang, but he didn't take it. He said, "No, the guy said he was going to call me at 11:30 and it's 11:36. I'll call him in 3 minutes." It was then I realized that I have been the subject of this type of petty control for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 129

I'm not that old!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 02:01

Today, I was showing my hair-do from my high school prom from 10 years ago to a drunk neighbor. He turned to my mom and said, "Wow, she was a beautiful girl back in the day." Right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 196

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Random

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 261

You deserved it 1 446

Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 535

You deserved it 2 875

Today, I decided to propose to my girlfriend on the Charles Bridge in Prague. A little boy thought it would be fun to chase a flock of pigeons towards me. I freaked out and dropped the two carat diamond ring. Into the river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 781

You deserved it 11 010

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 009

You deserved it 1 949

Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 1 192

Today, I went to my girlfriend's place to have a study session. Her dad was on a business trip but her mom was at home. We studied for about two hours, then we started getting frisky and started undressing and soon started fucking. We were about 20 minutes in when her mom came in and chased me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 578